


Failure to Communicate

by LoveThemWinchesters



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Bitterness, Divorce, Drunkenness, Eavesdropping, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Forgiveness, Guilt, Jealous Jensen, Jensen has lost his mind!, Lawyer!Jared, M/M, Miscommunication, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Revenge, Rimming, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Stair Sex, Switching, Writer!Jensen, bottom!Jared, bottom!Jensen, self doubt, top!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 10:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1855399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveThemWinchesters/pseuds/LoveThemWinchesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that communication is the key to a good marriage…</p><p>Jared is a high-profile attorney—the youngest lawyer employed at the prestigious law firm of Morgan & Sheppard—and he has just made partner after several long and grueling months.</p><p>Jensen is a famous murder-mystery writer (also a semi-retired actor). He has just weeks to submit the final manuscript in his biggest contract yet.</p><p>Both men are tired and worn out, their marriage taking a backseat to their careers. Add a spark of jealousy to the mix and, well, it’s a recipe for disaster.</p><p>AU // Jared is 31. Jensen is 35.</p><p>****************************************
</p><p>Warnings: Story contains explicit M/M scenes – Please do not read if you don’t like or are uncomfortable with this content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this fic went completely somewhere other than where it was supposed to go. It was originally going to be based off the old 1989 movie, 'War of the Roses' (a married couple battling it out until the end, only instead of dying, there'd be make-up sex), but I just couldn't get Jared to be mean like that. Every time I tried, I just couldn't. The following is what happened... (Also, I LOVE both J's equally, so please don't hate on me for what I did to Jensen. LOL! The poor guy was just having a bad week.)
> 
> This fic was sort of an experiment for me as far as how it's set up. Each chapter is from either Jared's or Jensen's POV exclusively. They do overlap as far as the timeline is concerned, but I think I was able to keep it from getting confusing.
> 
> ****************************************
> 
> I'd like to thank [TxDorA](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TxDorA/pseuds/TxDorA) for her help and patience in beta'ing this one. It's the first time we've really worked together and I've enjoyed collaborating with her...even if she is halfway across the country. Thank you, hun!!
> 
> And also a quick thank you to [RiatheMai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RiatheMai/pseuds/RiatheMai) for a few last minute grammatical suggestions. (See, I told you that you would like it!! LOL! And yes, you were right, I couldn't go there with Jared.) I might have given you a break on this one, but be ready... ;)
> 
> ****************************************
> 
> This is a work of fiction. I mean no disrespect to the people portrayed herein. We're all just having a little fun, aren't we? :)
> 
> By the way, I know nothing about law and lawyers, so I don't know everything lawyers are supposed to do under certain circumstances, but even if I did, my characters aren't the type that follow all the rules anyway. LOL!
> 
> ****************************************
> 
> Also, I've added a few pics to the story just to give it a little more something. Most are random pics I've found on the internet, but 'travellerintime.tumblr' needs to be given credit for the one in Chapter 7. If I've used a picture of yours, let me know and I will give due credit, or if you don't want it there, it can be removed.

**_What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don’t like it any more than you men._ **

**_\- ‘Cool Hand Luke’, a 1967 Warner Bros.-Seven Arts movie_ **

✽  ✽  ✽

** **

**~~ J ~ A ~ R ~ E ~ D ~~**

Jared had done it.

He had made partner at the prestigious and renowned law firm of Morgan & Sheppard. All those months of staying up late, working long weekends, and—regretfully—neglecting his husband had paid off. Now he could finally stop and take a much needed breath of fresh air. Even now, the new sign was being constructed: Morgan, Sheppard, and Ackles. (He had been standing there when Jeff had sent off the text to the sign maker.)

Hours had passed since the verdict had been read, but the adrenaline of everything still had yet to wear off—Jared’s fingers had been drumming non-stop against the steering wheel for the entire forty-five minute drive from San Francisco to Los Altos. (He’d also stopped and picked up a bottle of champagne along the way.) Yesterday he had given his closing argument in the case of O’Leary (his client) v. Richland Corp. It hadn’t taken long for the jury to deliberate and reach a verdict at all—they’d only been in the conference room for a few hours yesterday afternoon and then a short while this morning.

By the time he and his client had been called back into the courtroom from the closet-sized office/waiting room they’d been cloistered in, Jared had become a ball of sweat and nerves. His (and Jensen’s) entire future was vested in the jury’s decision.

Jared had gone into the case knowing he was the underdog: his client against a decades-old corporation. Morgan had known that when he’d given him the O’Leary case. The older man had smiled from behind his close-cut, salt-and-pepper beard and mustache, his teeth bleached to perfection. “This is it, Jay. Give ‘em hell. You win this one and things are gonna change. You’re gonna be big time!” Jeff had said with a twinkle in his dark eyes as he gave Jared a hearty pat on the back, nearly sending the younger man off his feet.

And that’s exactly what Jared had done. He’d gone out there and had given it his all. Before he’d left the office, he’d already had people calling wanting to retain him as their lawyer. O’Leary had friends, friends who could make Jared wealthier than he could ever imagine, even after giving the firm their cut.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared pulled his Lincoln into the driveway, the car’s tires screeching as he came to a stop; he cringed a little knowing Jensen would never let him hear the end of it if he left black skid marks on the earthen-colored cobblestone pavers. But he couldn’t help it. Excitement was still coursing through him—as well as a little bit of alcohol from the congratulatory party given to him by the firm when he’d gotten back from the courthouse.

He looked up at their house as he opened the car door and got out. The sun was just setting and the security lights had already turned on. After the first book in Jensen’s murder-mystery series had pushed into the top ten on the New York Times Bestseller List, he’d talked Jared into getting the place. At the time, it had been run down and in severe need of some TLC. And now, three years later, it was Jensen’s dream home complete with his 1969 Dodge Charger which was kept in the attached garage. (The car had been a surprise for Jensen’s thirtieth birthday. Jared had just been hired by Jeff and he’d used his hefty sign-on bonus to pay for the vehicle.)

Jared leaned down and grabbed his suit jacket, briefcase, and brown paper bag complete with champagne in it from the passenger seat before closing the door and walking up to the front door, deep-dimpled smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t wait to share the news with Jensen…although, if his husband had watched any of the news today, he would probably already know. The case was just that big.

He pushed the key into the lock and opened the door. The house was dark aside from the dimmed light from the large crystal chandelier hanging overhead in the foyer. Jensen was probably upstairs writing. His latest manuscript was due in just a couple of weeks and just as Jared had been busy busting his ass working on the O’Leary case, Jensen had been busting his own trying to get his book completed so he could send it off to his agent. It was the fourth in the series and was his biggest contract yet. Jared was rather proud of his husband.

He tossed his keys into the ceramic bowl which sat on the small table in the foyer; the sound was jarring in the quiet of the house. Jared set out for the kitchen to get two champagne flutes and a bucket of ice to put the bottle of champagne into.

Sadie came running into the room with a welcoming _woof_ then, nails clattering across the tiled floor.

“Hey, girl! Where’d you come from?” He set his things down on the counter and knelt down to give the dog a hug and a quick scratch along the scruff of its neck. “Guess what? Your daddy’s got some good news. We won, Sadie. D’you think Jen will be happy?”

The dog gave a happy-sounding yip and licked Jared’s face causing him to laugh.

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

He pushed up from the floor and turned to flick the overhead lights on. Jared went to the cabinet beside the refrigerator and rummaged through it until he found the silver-plated champagne bucket and then he began to fill it with ice from the ice maker on the front of the fridge. When the bucket was half full, Jared set it down on the island in the center of the room and reached for the paper bag containing his earlier purchase.

That’s when he saw a manila envelope peeking out from under his briefcase. His brow pinched together as he pulled it out. His name, in Jensen’s too neat script, was written on the front of it.

Slipping his index finger under the flap, Jared broke the seal and pulled out its contents.

And then his heart stopped.

✽  ✽  ✽

 

Jared had met Jensen eight years ago at an antique auction up in the Bay area. Coincidentally, they had both shown up to bid on the same item (an old Kappel typewriter from the early ‘30s) and, because Jared was still a mostly poor college student, Jensen had easily been able to outbid him. To this day, the typewriter sat in Jensen’s study. It had been the start of a beautiful thing.

Three years after their chance meeting, when Jared had just completed his second year of law school, they’d been married. Gay marriage in California had just been legalized in June of that year and they had wed in the beautiful city of San Francisco which was where Jensen had called home at the time.

The event had been small—just their immediate families and a few close friends—and had taken place at Golden Gate Park. Thankfully, both the Padalecki and Ackles families had insisted on footing the bill; Jared and Jensen’s slight budget would never have been able to cover the cost of the wedding. But Jensen had insisted on paying for the honeymoon…even if, at the time, he’d still been struggling to find his way in the world of writing.

The years hadn’t been flawless, but pretty damn near it.

And now it seemed Jensen, for some unknown reason, wanted to end what they had…when it was all finally coming together.

Jared’s fingers tightened around the papers, wrinkling them. He looked down at Sadie who now whined, obviously sensing something was wrong.

“It’ll be okay, girl. He’s just stressed out. We’ve both been lately. We’ll fix this. You’ll see.”

He took a deep, calming breath and headed off to Jensen’s study which is where he was sure he’d find his husband; the man practically lived in there these days. What he was going to say when he got there…he didn’t have the vaguest idea.

It took Jared all of thirty seconds to reach Jensen’s door. It was closed like it usually was and a soft light flooded out onto the hardwood floor of the hallway from beneath it. He reached up to knock, but hesitated, looking down at the documents in his hand; his face scrunched up as he fought with his churning emotions.

_What did I do? Why?_

And then his knuckles were rapping on the thick, polished surface of the door. “Jen?” Jared subconsciously bit into the flesh of his lower lip as he stood there waiting for Jensen to respond.

He counted in his head as he stood there. When he reached twenty-five and still hadn’t heard any movement from the other side of the door, Jared lifted his hand to knock again. It was at that particular moment when the knob turned and the door opened.

A very miserable-looking Jensen stood there, swaying ever so slightly on his feet. His normally bright green eyes were glassy; his cheeks were flushed like they usually got when he’d had too much wine.

 _Shit. Jen’s been drinking. So not good,_ Jared thought as the man peered up at him through his wire-rimmed reading glasses. He slowly brought the divorce papers up between them; his hand was trembling as he did.

“Why?” His voice caught in his throat. “Jen?” He could see a muscle flex in the older man’s jaw. When his husband didn’t answer, he pushed, “Jen, what’s going on?”

Just then, Sherlock, Jensen’s cat, scurried out of the room and ran down the hallway. Clearly, the animal didn’t want to be around whatever was going on.

“Jared…,” not ‘Jay’, but ‘ _Jared’_ , “…not tonight. Okay?” Jensen rubbed a hand over his strained features. “I just…don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

The older man went to close the door, but Jared put a hand out and easily caught it mid-swing. “Jen, I know you’re tired…stressed out. And I know I haven’t exactly been the best husband…but, god, don’t you think this is a little extreme?”

“No, not really. Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do. Just…do whatever you have to do.” And then Jensen closed the door on Jared. He didn’t make an attempt to stop it this time.

Jared flinched when he heard the _snick_ of the lock a split second later. He only stood there, head hanging low, not knowing what to do. His husband had shut him out.

There had to be some specific reason for this. Maybe he _had_ been spending too much time at the office. He knew the last few months had been especially rough on the two of them. Jeff and Mark had been keeping him busy, prepping him—grooming him—for the O’Leary case which had been brewing for a long while. There had even been a few nights where Jared hadn’t come home. (Hell, they’d barely had sex more than three or four times in the last month.) Jared had always just taken it for granted that they could patch things up once the case was over.

But if Jensen was pointing any fingers, it was like the pot calling the kettle black. The older man had been working on that damn book non-stop for what seemed like ages. There had to be something else.

The last weeks— _months_ —rewound and fast-forwarded through his head as he tried to figure out what that thing was that had pushed Jensen over this edge. And then Jared’s thoughts suddenly took a turn down a road he didn’t want to think about.

Their four year age difference had always been lingering in the back of his mind. Jensen was so much more mature than Jared. Sometimes Jared’s immaturity stood out like the proverbial sore thumb. He knew he still played video games and watched cartoons more than most people his age did (especially a lawyer), but they were stress relievers. And Chad? Well, he was an idiot, but Jared enjoyed his company; they’d been best friends all throughout college. Had Jensen decided Jared wasn’t _the_ one for him? Had Jared’s fears finally come to fruition?

_Oh, god. Was Jensen seeing someone else?_

He let out a heavy sigh. Jared knew he wasn’t going to get anything else out of his husband tonight; Jensen was stubborn like that. Shaking his head in defeat, he resorted to heading off to change into something more comfortable than his suit, preferably some track pants and a t-shirt. But first, he was going to have a long, hot shower. Maybe it could wash away some of his worries and help him relax. He seriously doubted it.

As he walked down the long hallway toward their bedroom suite, Jared wondered where Jensen was planning on sleeping tonight.

✽  ✽  ✽

Several long hours passed—it was well after eleven o’clock by the time Jared checked the time. He let out a wide yawn and scrubbed his fingers through his unruly hair. The contents of his briefcase were strewn across the bed—he had several clients he was supposed to meet with tomorrow—but he couldn’t concentrate on anything in front of him, not when his husband refused to talk to him, not when he had divorce papers sitting on the nightstand beside him. Sadie lay on the floor beside the bed, his ever vigilant companion.

Groaning in frustration, Jared gathered everything up and stuffed his notebooks and the miscellany of legal documents back into his briefcase in a less than organized fashion. Tomorrow was another day. Maybe Jensen would cool off by then and they could sit down and have a talk about what was going on.

✽  ✽  ✽

When Jared came downstairs the next morning, it was to find the house empty. Jensen had never come to bed; he assumed the man had slept either in his study or in one of the guest rooms. A quick look out the window told him that his husband wasn’t home. Jensen’s Mercedes wasn’t in its usual spot.

Jared took his phone out. He tried calling the man, but it went straight to voicemail— _dammit—_ so he sent Jensen a quick text.

_“we need to talk abt this”_

One long minute stretched into five unbearable minutes. There was no reply to his message.

Jared started a fresh pot of coffee brewing and then attempted to keep his mind otherwise occupied by focusing on the headlines of today’s newspaper. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out the way he had planned. He was instantly reminded of Jensen as soon as he saw the completed _Jumble_ puzzle. Jared couldn’t help but smile seeing that some things would never change even in the bleakest of times.

He was startled from his reveries when his phone vibrated on the granite countertop. He reached over to grab the device so quickly that he almost sent it flying off the counter and onto the floor. His hopes were immediately dashed when he saw the message on the screen. It wasn’t his husband. It was Jeff.

_“9:00 conference”_

He closed his eyes briefly before responding. Apparently, Jensen was going to ignore him this morning. _Wonderful._

He glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was almost eight; he had roughly fifteen minutes to get ready if he was going to make it to the office on time. “Shit,” he mumbled. Jared would have to track Jensen down later. In the meantime, maybe he could talk to Jeff.

 _“will b there shortly,”_ he typed before hitting send.

✽  ✽  ✽

A little more than an hour later, Jared was knocking on Jeff’s office door. It was already cracked open enough that the man saw him when he glanced up from where he was seated behind his desk, the glass surface in front of him covered with a multitude of manila file folders.

“Jared. C’mon in,” Jeff called out as he pushed the file that he’d been looking through away and sat back in his chair, fingers clasped in his lap.

Behind him, the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge were framed by the floor-to-ceiling plate-glass window which covered the entire wall. Natural light flooded the room, showcasing the many law texts which lined the bookshelves on both sides of the office.

“Mind if I sit?” Jared asked somewhat meekly.

Jeff gestured to the two leather chairs sitting in front of his desk, but Jared bypassed them and flopped down heavily onto the couch—it was an Italian import—and lay back into the soft leather, closing his eyes.

Aside from being his boss, Jeff was one of Jared’s best friends. They had known each other since Jared had interned at the firm during the summer between his first and second years of law school. He knew he could talk to the man and Jeff would listen.

Before he was able to get a word out though, Jeff spoke up. “Well, you look like Hell warmed over. Celebrate a little too much last night when you got home?” The man grinned and waggled an eyebrow when Jared looked up at him.

Jared knew he was a bit rumpled looking in just a shirt and khakis, no tie, no jacket. He hadn’t had it in him to clean up as well as he could have. He was lucky he even got around to brushing his teeth.

“He wants a divorce.”

“Who?”

Who else would Jared be talking about except for Jensen? He sat up, sweeping his bangs back out of his face and looked at Jeff. “Jensen.” And then he felt the burn of tears prick at his eyes. He pressed his thumb and forefinger into them to try to keep them at bay.

“Shit, Jay. What the hell happened?”

“I…I don’t know. I got home last night and...” Jared leaned over and picked up his briefcase. He flipped the latches open on it, pulled out the offending envelope, and tossed it to Jeff. “…those were waiting for me on the counter.”

“What’s he basing it on?” Jared could hear the ‘lawyer’ coming out in his friend as Jeff opened the envelope and started to unfold the documents.

“Don’t know. Didn’t get past the word ‘Petitioner’.”

The older man looked over the paperwork. “Huh. Irreconcilable differences. You two been having trouble?” he asked as he continued to read.

_What?_

“No! No. Not that I know of anyway. I mean, we’ve both been busy with our jobs, but…”

Jeff narrowed his eyes as he reached the bottom of the first page. “Well, he’s kept it pretty simple. Jensen wants the house and all of its contents except for your personal belongings. Says he’ll waive his rights to alimony if you vacate the premises within seven days.”

Jared couldn’t help but burst out in a fit of laughter. This was so goddamned insane that it bordered on ridiculous. Things were fine—or as close to it as they came—just two days ago.

“You need a drink, kid.” Jeff stood up from his chair and walked over to the sideboard where a decanter of whiskey sat, along with two crystal tumblers. He poured two fingers worth of the strong, amber-colored liquor into the awaiting glasses and then he walked over to where Jared was sitting. He held one of the glasses out to the younger man. “Here, take it. I insist.”

Jared accepted the drink even though he knew he probably shouldn’t. (He and liquor didn’t mix well.) He stared down at the contents of the glass, thought ‘the hell with it’, before he knocked it back in one quick gulp, wincing at the strong burn as the liquid made its way down his throat and settled in the pit of his stomach.

“What do I do, Jeff? I…I don’t think I can do this.” Jared held the crystal between his large hands and stared blindly down at it as he rolled it between his palms.

“Have you tried talking to him?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. But he doesn’t want to.”

“Well, my first suggestion is give it another go, see if you can get him to talk. Something like this doesn’t just spring up overnight. But Jared?”

Jared looked up at the man then.

“If he decides to follow through on this, you’ve got your hands full. Misha will tear you apart if he sees any cracks. The man will find out about any skeletons you might have in your closet. He knows you personally, knows your habits and your weaknesses. Anything he doesn’t know, he’ll get from Jensen. You’re good, Jay, but you’re an emotional wreck right now and he’ll use that against you.” Jeff tilted his head back and drained his tumbler of whiskey. As he set it down on the desk, he asked, “You want me to represent you? I think you might need it.”

Jared didn’t answer right away. He was doing his best to process everything Jeff was saying, but his brain was numb and he found it hard to think clearly. One thing he did understand, though, was that the man was right. There was no way he could defend himself in the state he was in; he was vulnerable like this. And yes, Misha knew him too well.

Misha Collins was Jensen’s attorney and had been since long before Jared had even met his husband. But more than that, he was one of Jensen’s closest friends; close enough that the man had even been in their wedding party. They’d been to each other’s homes for dinner; Jared knew Misha’s wife and kids—hell, he’d even babysat West when Vicki had Maison less than a year ago. So yeah, Misha knew him better than well.

“Fuck, Jeff. This is bad, isn’t it?”

“’fraid so.”


	2. Chapter 2

**~~ J ~ E ~ N ~ S ~ E ~ N ~~**

Jensen felt like shit…emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

His manuscript was due a short sixteen days from now. It was all but complete; there was just a smattering of small detail work that had to be done and then he could give it a final read-through. His agent had been riding his ass hard on this one. It was the fourth installment in his ‘Sinclair’ murder-mystery series and there were already more pre-orders for the book than he could ever have hoped for.

He’d been putting his all into his writing while trying to balance that which was his life. To say the last few months had been exhaustive would have been an understatement. (His eyeballs felt like they were going to literally pop out of his head if he kept these hours up.) Long nights and longer days…they’d been a strain on his marriage. Jared didn’t have to say anything—he never did—but Jensen knew.

After this book was completed, he’d been planning on going on something of a hiatus for a while. And maybe if he could drag Jared away from that job of his for more than a day, they could take a vacation, get their so-called groove back.

But that was before.

_Fuck. How could Jared let it happen? How could he do that?_

Jensen was currently sitting on the warm, sandy banks of Loch Lomond. He had hit the trails in the park early this morning dressed in his old hiking boots, a comfortable pair of jeans, and a t-shirt…clothes which he’d thankfully already had in the trunk of his car. He wouldn’t have been able to face Jared this morning if he’d had to sneak into their room and rummage through his drawers—Jared surely would’ve woken up. He also wore a baseball hat and sunglasses to help keep the sun out of his eyes. (And maybe to help keep people from recognizing him.) Contrary to how he felt, it was a bright and sunny day; there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

The small pack he had brought with him had three bottles of water and a couple of granola bars, things he was able to quickly grab on the way out this morning. He hadn’t bothered to take anything else with him, not even his phone. He’d left the device tucked under his seat in the car knowing Jared would be calling as soon he woke up and found the house to be empty. It was a conversation that just wasn’t going to happen, not until Jensen had some time to clear his head…sort things out.

He stared out at the calm waters shimmering under the late morning sun in front of him and tried to process the events of the last twenty-four hours. Part of him felt like he might have jumped the gun, but he’d seen _it_ with his own two eyes. Just thinking about what he’d seen made his blood pressure skyrocket and his stomach churn.

Jensen stood up, brushing the sand off the seat of his pants, and then picked up a stone. He threw it as far as he could out into the water; it landed with a very unsatisfying _plop_ , sending concentric rings rippling out along the surface of the water.

“I loved you, you son of a bitch,” he growled as he found another sizeable rock and whipped it into the distance. _Kerplunk._

 _Still do._ The words were in his head, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them out loud.

A breeze ruffled through Jensen’s short hair as he stood there staring out at nothing but water and trees, his boots sinking into the soft and giving sand at his feet. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. A blue heron flew by overhead, long, spindly legs trailing behind it in flight, and he watched it until it disappeared beyond the trees.

Jensen’s mind drifted back to yesterday and replayed everything in hi-def.

Yesterday had been the ‘big’ day for his husband. It’d been the culmination of all Jared’s hard work over the last few months. Jensen had known there was a promotion at the other end if Jared won the case. The younger man had never mentioned it specifically, possibly worrying about a potential negative outcome, but Jensen just _knew_ —he’d been completely, one hundred percent confident that Jared would win; he’d had faith in Jared. That was usually how the two of them worked…until now.

Jensen was man enough to admit that he had been just a little bit jealous of how much time Jared had spent at work, around his legal assistant…that pretty boy Matt Cohen. But Jensen had always given Jared the benefit of the doubt. He’d _trusted_ his husband.

All Jensen had wanted to do was spend an hour— _hell, a half hour_ —with Jared, do something they hadn’t done in what seemed like ages. He’d driven up to the city and had stopped at one of their favorite delis, one they’d made hundreds of trips to early on in their relationship. He’d gotten Jared’s favorite grinder (a hot, steamed pastrami sub) along with his own favorite (grilled chicken with sun-dried tomatoes and melted Swiss) and then had headed up to the offices of Morgan & Sheppard which were only a few blocks away.

He hadn’t been sure on whether or not Jared would be back yet, but when he’d seen his husband’s car parked in the lot, he’d pulled his own car up alongside it and shifted into park. He’d slipped his sunglasses off and tossed them onto the dash before grabbing the white paper bag and heading inside.

As he’d stepped through the heavy, tinted glass doors of the firm, the first thing he’d heard was the _pop_ of a cork and then a loud cheer. Jensen had grinned knowing what that meant. Jared had won his case. Thank fuck that was over. He couldn’t wait to celebrate in private later.

And then he’d rounded the corner…

Jared had been standing there in the middle of the conference room, suit jacket off, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, tie askew, and a huge smile on his face. Jensen had blinked and then there was that fucking thorn-in-his-side, Matt Cohen. The man had reached up and grasped Jared’s face between his hands and had kissed him solidly on the mouth.

And what had Jared done?

Jared had wrapped his arm around Matt and laughed, his smile bright and full of sunshine and dimples. It was a smile Jensen hadn’t been able to call his own in a long time…months.

_What. The. Ever. Loving…?_

As Jensen had stood there, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene playing out in front of him, random bits and pieces had started falling into place—one and one equal two; two and two equal four—clues he should have picked up on earlier. Suddenly, he had felt the acidic sting of bile rising in the back of his throat and Jensen covered his mouth with his hand, trying to swallow it back down.

Christ, he was one of the most well-known mystery authors out there and yet he hadn’t even been able to see what was going on under his own nose. He could put a whole list of things together now—things that had been there all along—but since he’d never taken a look at the picture as a whole, those things had just slipped by as minor annoyances.

They weren’t so little anymore.

There were the obnoxious smirks Matt had blasted his way any time Jensen had come to the office to visit Jared, like the man had known something Jensen didn’t; there were the ‘business lunches’ which Jared had claimed to have been on when Jensen had asked why he hadn’t answered his phone on a few occasions. (Jared’s excuse had always been that it was because they—him and his perky little assistant—were meeting with a client. And Jensen had so dutifully believed him.) All of the above, plus the recent all-nighters Jared had been pulling—maybe those hadn’t exactly been what his husband had led him to believe. _Yeah, innocence wasn’t the first word that came to mind._ And now there was this, what he was seeing with his own two eyes…

_Shit, Jared. Fuck. Really?_

When the realization that Jared and Matt had something going on between the two of them had slammed into place with a loud and soul-jarring _clang_ , Jensen had been able to do nothing but stand there, stunned, mouth agape; he'd forgotten how to move. His mind had stopped working.

He’d always been afraid that Jared would grow bored of him, would want someone younger, more his age. It seemed like his fear had finally become reality. If Jared was going to go sleeping around with the likes of that asshole, Jensen wanted nothing to do with him. It was over. _So much for ‘happily ever after’._

After what had felt like an eternity of eternities, but realistically had probably been closer to seconds, he had finally torn his gaze away and turned, dumping the sandwiches into the nearest garbage can, and then had stalked out the door without looking back.

If he'd have happened to glance back over his shoulder, Jensen would have seen a pair of green-blue eyes staring at him, a possessive gleam sparkling in them.

✽  ✽  ✽

**~~ Yesterday Afternoon – The Law Offices of Misha Collins, Esq. ~~**

Bright, blue eyes looked up at Jensen when he walked through the door, having bypassed Misha’s secretary without giving her a second look. “Jensen! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

The man was wearing one of his god-awful sweater vests—this one was crocheted with puke green and Pepto pink, with some turquoise and brown mixed in—but Jensen ignored Misha’s odd sense of fashion as he sat down across from him.

“Mish, I want a divorce.” It was rather hasty, but Jensen had zero tolerance for infidelity. It was just the way he was, the way he’d been raised. He took his marriage vows very seriously. He didn’t give second chances.

Misha only sat back in his chair and studied Jensen for a long and uncomfortable moment. Then he shifted in his seat and said with a smirk, “Did Jared leave the milk out on the counter again?”

Jensen’s fingers tightened on the leather arm rests to his chair. Misha didn’t think he was serious. Of course, he didn’t. Even Jensen had a hard time believing it. “This isn’t a joke. I need you put on your lawyer for once.”

The older man’s dark eyebrows arched. “You’re really serious here?”

Jensen inhaled deeply to steady himself and then let the breath out. “Yeah, I am.” And then he proceeded to give Misha the details.

“So you’re absolutely sure about this?” his friend asked when Jensen was done, still sounding a bit flummoxed. “I mean, don’t you think you should talk to him? This is a big deal, Jensen. Are you willing to just throw five years of marriage down the toilet over a kiss and a few assumptions?”

“Just put the paperwork together, alright?” Jensen rubbed at his tired eyes. He didn’t want to argue about this. When he looked back up at his friend, he could see the man was still hesitant—Jared and Misha had become fast friends over the years—but Jensen pushed forward. “All I want is the house and what’s in it. I don’t want his money. I just want him gone.”

Misha sat back in his chair. The leather creaked beneath him as he chewed on the end of his pen and stared at Jensen, a pensive look on his face.

“If you’re wrong about this-”

“Look, if you’re not willing to help me,” Jensen stood up and started to head for the door, “then I’ll find another damn lawyer.” His emotions were running high and he didn’t have the patience for this shit.

“Fine,” Misha called out before Jensen got too far. “But you better be right about this. As far as I know,” he leaned forward and began typing on his computer, the keys clicking quietly as he continued to speak, “Jared is a good man. Maybe he had a momentary lapse in judgment—things happen sometimes—but I know he loves you and, as I was saying, if you’re wrong about this, you’re going to break his heart.”

Jensen paced the room. Misha’s office wasn’t as sleek or as big as the ones occupied by Morgan & Sheppard—the man had always said he didn’t need to waste money on a ‘room with a view’–but it was functional…even if there was a Captain James T. Kirk bobblehead sitting next to the walnut name block instead of one of those perpetual motion gizmos most white-collared execs had. And then there was the display case in the corner… Jensen refused to ever lay eyes on Misha’s collection of phallic god figurines. (He never understood what would make someone want to collect something like that, little figures of men with huge penises. The man wasn’t even gay for cryin’ out loud.) Every time his friend came back from a trip to some foreign country, it seemed like he added to the count. Yeah, this was Misha, always had been.

The older man might have been a little on the quirky side—okay, a lot—but his reputation as one of the best lawyers in the Bay area preceded him, all eccentricities aside. His long list of clients was exceptional.

“Yeah, well maybe he should’ve thought about how much he loved me before he started fucking around with that…that _twink_.”

The printer began to whir and then several sheets of paper were spit out. Misha got up to retrieve them and then sat back down. “Lack of communication is the number one reason for divorce these days,” he muttered under his breath as he looked over the documents in his hands.

“And you’re telling me you and Vicki are perfect?”

“We’re doing quite well, thank you for asking.” Misha placed the forms down on his desk then and spun them around with the tips of his fingers so that they were facing Jensen. “So, we’ve got you asking for the house and its contents. You’re giving him his stuff. As far as his money, I’ve stated that as long as he’s out within seven days, you’ll waive your right to alimony. That good?”

Jensen read over the documents. “Yeah, that works.”

“You just need to sign there.” Misha tapped a spot on the form with his pen. “Jared needs to sign there.” He tapped another space on the form. “But I’m sure he would already know that being a lawyer himself and all.”

“What if he refuses to sign?” Jensen looked up at Misha. He hadn’t really thought about that. “What if he wants to contest it?”

The older man lifted his brow and smiled; it wasn’t a friendly smile. It reminded Jensen of something predatory and dangerous. “Then you come back to me and we figure out how to make him sign.”

Jensen found it hard to swallow all of a sudden; his throat was tight. He nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He snatched Misha’s pen away from him and went to sign his name, but the other man stopped him.

“Make him sign first, that way he doesn’t change anything without your prior consent. Otherwise, he can say you approved the adjustments.”

Jensen stopped, the point of the pen resting on the paper where he’d just started to sign. _Easier said than done_ , he thought.

When he got home almost forty-five minutes later, he debated with himself for a while before dropping the manila envelope on the counter and heading down to the wine cellar to grab a couple of bottles of wine—a 2001 Verite La Joie and a 1990 Dalla Valle…two of his pricier options—and then he locked himself in his office for the rest of the evening and proceeded to drink himself into a stupor.

When Jared came knocking an hour (or two or three?) later, Jensen almost didn’t bother to answer the door. When he finally opened it, he had to remind himself why he was doing this because, as Misha had said, his husband looked devastated. But he knew what he’d seen. Nothing could change that.

✽  ✽  ✽

~~ **Present Day – Loch Lomond ~~**

Jensen sighed. He glanced down at his watch; it was going on noon. Almost five hours had passed since he’d left the car.

It was easy to lose track of time out here—Jensen had done it often enough, especially when wandering aimlessly down the multitude of trails the park had to offer while lost in his own thoughts. He hadn’t paid much attention to which paths he had taken this morning, but he had enough frequent flyer miles to know his way around.

He bent over and scooped his pack up off the ground. It was time to head back. At some point he was going to have to face the music and the sooner he did, the sooner he could be done with all of this and move on with his life.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen was in no rush to get home. The trip back would take a little over an hour and he was perfectly fine with that. He slipped an instrumental CD into the player before pulling out of the parking lot, keeping it at a minimal volume; the sound was just enough to soothe his frayed nerves.

As he drove through the tree-lined roads, dappled rays of sunlight reaching out over the hood of his car, he thought about Jared. When Jensen had gotten back to the car and retrieved his cell phone from under the seat, he’d turned it on and had been greeted with several missed calls from his husband as well as a text message. The last attempt to reach him had come through just before eight o’clock this morning, around the time Jared would've had to leave for work. Jensen knew the younger man was sure to have had meetings with clients scheduled for today that he couldn’t just blow off on a whim; he would’ve had to go in to the office whether he wanted to or not. The fact that there had been no calls or texts since then had pretty much verified it.

It was unsettling to know that Jared would probably seek advice from Jeff because, just as Jared had gotten to know Misha and his family, Jensen had become good friends with Jeff and his long-time girlfriend, Hilarie. But that’s what he would do himself if he was in his husband’s shoes. Why _wouldn’t_ Jared go to the man? He wondered what Jeff would say when Jared told him what was going on.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan was known in the business world as being a ruthless attorney. His track record was phenomenal— _more than_ even—and he had a reputation to uphold. But he was still their mutual friend…at least he had been. Jensen hoped this whole thing could end amicably and without much ado.

If this got out, it was possible tabloid fodder what with Jensen’s name and face still being pretty well-known from his time on that soap opera and then from those few short runs on that one network he’d been contracted with up until a year or so ago. The last thing he wanted was for some headline calling him a ‘Washed-Up, Has-Been’ who couldn’t keep his marriage together. But with two of San Francisco’s finest attorney’s going head-to-head—well, three if you counted Jared; he sure as hell hoped Mark stayed out of it—Jensen had his suspicions that it wasn’t going to be pretty. All it would take was some gossipmonger to make one quick phone call.

Somehow Jensen was going to have to keep his head up and hold his ground. He didn’t fully trust himself not to break under the pressure and…forgive.

✽  ✽  ✽

“Dammit,” Jensen muttered under his breath, his fingers curling around the steering wheel until his knuckles whitened, when he pulled into the driveway.

Jared was home.

Jensen pulled up next to his husband’s car, shifted into park, and shut the engine off. He leaned back in his seat, took several deep breaths, and scrubbed his hands over his face. “You can do this. You’re not the one who did something wrong.”

He got out of the car and walked into the house.

Sadie was nowhere to be seen. (She was probably out in the backyard digging up his landscaping.) Sherlock came scurrying down the stairs and butted his head up against Jensen’s leg in greeting.

“Hey, buddy.”

Jensen crouched down and scratched the lanky Abyssinian on the head before standing back up and arching his back in a stretch. He was glad to have finally worked out the kinks in his body from sleeping on the too-small sofa in his study last night. Between that and the headache he’d had from his little wine binge last night, the hike had done him some good.

The house stood quiet around him and he wondered where Jared was as he absently tossed his keys into the bowl on the table beside the door. The man could be anywhere…the game room downstairs, the theater, the bedroom, his office, out in the backyard. Suddenly, Jensen was on guard.

He stilled and listened.

Nothing. 

Jensen rolled his bottom lip in and chewed on it. After hiking in near-eighty degree weather, he didn’t exactly smell like a bouquet of roses. He was going to need a shower which meant he was going to have to go upstairs and get a fresh pair of clothes from the bedroom.

Slowly, he trudged up the stairs. His boots didn’t make a sound as he headed up to his (and Jared’s) bedroom.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the door was open and heard no noise coming from the room. Really, more than likely, Jared was in his office poring over legal papers. He wouldn’t know when to expect Jensen to be home.

Jensen quickly crossed the room, peeling out of his shirt as he did, and pulled open the top drawer to his bureau. Socks...he needed socks and boxers. He grabbed a pair of each and tossed them onto the bureau as he bent over and pulled another drawer open to grab a shirt. And then he froze when he sensed he was no longer alone, fingers gripping tightly into the cotton material he held in his hand.

As he stood up and turned, Jensen’s eyes widened.

Jared stood there in all his naked glory, tanned skin going on for miles, firm muscles flexing slightly as he stood there watching…waiting. (Even standing still, Jared wasn’t capable of actually being _still._ ) Water dripped from his wet hair, droplets coursing down the curve of his neck and pooling in the dip at his collar bone before traveling down his chest. Jensen couldn’t keep his gaze from moving across the familiar landscape of the man’s body, across the planes of his broad chest, down over his tight abs, and then his eyes followed that oh-so-happy trail, straight down to the man’s thick cock which— _shit_ —looked like it was showing some interest.

“Uh…” Jensen had no idea what to say as he stumbled back into the bureau. No matter how pissed off he was at Jared, the man still had the body of a freakin’ god and it was hard to ignore a sight like that.

Jensen felt his knees go weak.

_I am so screwed._

The horny, little devil on his shoulder cackled. “In more ways than one,” it said.


	3. Chapter 3

**~~ J ~ A ~ R ~ E ~ D ~~**

Jared hadn’t been expecting Jensen to be in the bedroom when he’d come out of the adjoining bathroom. Obviously, the man hadn’t been expecting him either. Jared could clearly see that by the flustered look in the man’s green eyes. But— _fuck_ —he was gorgeous, standing there in just a pair of low-slung jeans, black waistband of his boxer briefs peeking out from above the denim and taunting Jared with what lay just beneath them.

When he’d gotten home from the office earlier—Jeff had told him to go home promising to handle Jared’s schedule for the rest of the day—it was to find that his husband was still MIA. Since he’d had nothing else to do—and apparently some time to kill—Jared had changed into an old t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts and had gone out for a long run to try to find his center now that it had been knocked off kilter. He’d only gotten out of the shower minutes ago and had been toweling off when he’d heard movement coming from the bedroom.

As they stood there facing each other, Jensen’s skin flushed from being caught off-guard—and maybe from something else, too—as Jared watched the man’s gaze fall lower on his still nude form. Jared couldn’t help the heat that flared up beneath his skin under the man’s scrutiny. He didn’t move, but rather let Jensen drink him in. Jared knew it was playing dirty, but he had to get the man to loosen up a little. Maybe then he would talk, tell him what the hell was going on.

“Uh…” Jensen stood there frozen, appearing, for all intents and purposes, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Jared was gifted with a glimpse of Jensen’s pink tongue darting out to wet his dry lips. The blush on the older man’s cheeks contrasted with the dusting of freckles over the bridge of his nose. The sight had Jared wetting his own lips, but he kept himself from moving toward his husband, worried about scaring him off.

“Hey,” Jared said quietly in reply.

He watched as Jensen reached up and rubbed at the nape of his neck and pulled his eyes away from him. The man was nervous. _God, when had they come to this?_

“I was, um, just getting some clothes.” Jensen raised the dark green shirt in his hand as if to prove his statement to Jared. “Didn’t know you were, um…” He trailed off, gesturing at Jared’s lack of clothing with a wave of his hand.

Jared decided to take a chance. In three long strides he was less than an arm’s length away from Jensen. He reached down and took the shirt out of the man’s hand and tossed it aside. Jensen had nowhere to go; he’d backed himself up against the bureau and Jared was going to use that to his advantage.

He reached up and trailed his fingers along the warm skin of Jensen’s left side. Goose bumps rose up under his fingertips as he feathered them lightly over his husband’s ribs, over every bone and indentation in between, causing the man to shiver. Jared smiled when Jensen’s hands fell to the piece of furniture behind him and gripped the edge as he tried to steady himself.

“Jen…” Jared’s hand continued up over Jensen’s shoulder until the backs of his knuckles smoothed along the strawberry-blond stubble along the man’s jaw. He smiled when his husband’s head rolled back under the soft touch, his eyes fluttering. “I know I’ve told you before, but you’re so beautiful when you’re like this.”

Jared stepped forward, hips coming in contact with Jensen. He leaned down and nuzzled against his husband’s neck, causing the man to groan as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to the heated flesh. Jensen’s hands remained firmly planted on the bureau behind him, but his hips rolled forward of their own accord, searching for a connection.

“Whatever happened yesterday,” Jared whispered into the curve of Jensen’s neck, “it’s not a big deal. I know you’ve been stressed out.”

Jensen’s head suddenly snapped up, nearly colliding with Jared’s nose. Emerald eyes no longer burned with lust, but with a fury that Jared had only seen a small number of times during their years together. Jared took a step back, brow creased in confusion at the expression of anguish and rage on the man’s face.

“Jen?”

He stumbled backwards as Jensen brought both hands up and pushed him. “Don’t-,” _push_ , “-you-,” _shove_ , “-dare-,” _another_ _shove_ , “-fucking-,” the backs of Jared knees hit the bed, “-go-,” another hard _push_ and Jared fell back onto the bed, “-there!” Jensen stood at the foot of the bed, looming over him. Jared didn’t know what to say as he looked up at the man, mouth slack.

And then Jensen was suddenly straddling him, his jean-clad erection grinding down into Jared’s groin. He could see his husband’s pupils were blown wide—with what emotion, he couldn’t quite tell; he seemed pissed, but his actions were telling another story. Before Jared could get a word out, the man’s mouth was on his, lips pressing roughly to his own. Jensen swept his tongue over the seam of Jared’s mouth until he opened, giving him the access he sought after so hungrily. Jared didn’t fight whatever was going on; he went with it. If Jensen needed this, he wasn’t going to deny him. _But…yeah._ What Jensen was doing to him, he was losing his ability to think rationally about it anymore.

The kiss was anything but gentle. All of Jensen’s pent up emotions were pouring out into it and Jared found himself getting more than a little turned on. Hell, he’d crossed that bridge before Jensen first laid a hand on him. He reached up and trailed his hands along his husband’s bare arms, fingers kneading into the thick muscles. A groan escaped from his throat and Jared rocked up into Jensen trying to find some kind of friction for his now throbbing cock as he slid his hands down and slipped his fingers under the waistband of his husband’s jeans.

Jared pulled away from the kiss reluctantly, fingers teasing at the crack of Jensen’s ass. “It’s been too long. Missed this, babe.” He looked up into Jensen’s darkened eyes. Something changed in the older man’s expression then; his eyes narrowed.

Jensen pushed back up from Jared’s chest. “This isn’t…” He shook his head ‘no’ as if he was coming out of a daze. “I can’t. No. Not…”

Jared caught Jensen’s hands as they started to flutter away from him and pulled them back down to rest on his chest. The man didn’t necessarily fight, but he didn’t exactly go willingly.

“What do you mean you ‘can’t’? Jen…babe, you’re… You can’t do _this_ ,” he rocked up into Jensen giving the man an idea of how far beyond the point of no return he was, “and then say you ‘can’t’.”

Jared sat up and rolled them all of a sudden. He pressed the length of his body down into Jensen, still holding his hands securely so he couldn’t flee and then leaned down to lick a wet line up his husband’s sternum. At the last second, he veered off and circled Jensen’s left nipple with his tongue. When it came to a peak, he nipped at it. He grinned when Jensen moaned and shivered beneath him.

“That’s it. Let yourself go…even if it’s just for now.”

Jared felt the fight in Jensen slowly dissipate. When he was sure the man wasn’t going to throw him off, he released his grip on his husband’s wrists and then reached down, deftly flicking open the button on Jensen’s jeans. He unzipped the pants and worked on getting them pushed down just enough to allow Jensen’s dick to spring free from the confines of the cotton of the man’s briefs. The hard flesh curled upwards toward Jensen’s flat stomach and Jared wrapped his fingers around it and began to slowly stroke it.

“Jay….fuck!” Jensen thrust up into Jared’s fist. His eyes were glassy as he gazed down his chest at Jared.

“I intend to…that’s unless you have other ideas.” Jared waggled an eyebrow teasingly at his husband before moving down and licking a stripe up the underside of Jensen’s arousal, forcing another low whimper out of the man.

There never really had been a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ in their relationship. Jared might be a little biased toward topping—who wouldn’t want to tap that fine ass?—but then again, he certainly enjoyed having Jensen’s fat cock up his ass, too. Jensen on the other hand…he just liked sex with Jared. He didn’t care how it came. (No pun intended.)

Jensen hissed and rolled his hips up looking for more. “I’m— _shit, Jay—_ this…isn’t…over,” he huffed out between breaths.

The man groaned again and Jared could feel Jensen’s cock twitching under his ministrations. Jared circled his tongue around the crown, giving a bit more attention to the small bundle of nerves just below the head before dipping his tongue into the slit and lapping at the pearly drop of precum that had found its way out. And then Jared swallowed Jensen down to the root without any preamble.

“Oh, Christ!” Jensen moaned in shock, hands straying down to clench tightly in Jared’s tussled locks as his hips jerked forward. The younger man tightened his grip on Jensen’s hips, trying to keep him in place, and then began to bob his head up and down, sucking like there was no tomorrow.

Jared still had no idea what was bothering Jensen—what he was talking about—but they could figure things out later. With a low hum and a slurp, Jared pulled off causing the older man to whine briefly. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he scooted backwards off the bed and pulled his husband’s jeans and boxer briefs off as he went. He stopped when he came to Jensen’s shoes, taking a minute to get them untied, and then yanked them off along with everything else. He tossed the bits of clothing off to the side somewhere.

Jensen was beautiful, all flushed and nearly writhing on the bed. It never took much to get the man going; that was one of the things Jared loved about his husband. There were many occasions where all it took was one look and the next thing Jared knew, they were screwing like a couple of sex-craved rabbits. The fun part about it was, they didn’t necessarily have to be home to be doing it. (Jared grinned at one particular memory which involved a coatroom at some black tie affair they’d attended a couple of years ago.)

While he was up, Jared quickly went over to the nightstand and retrieved the tube of lube. He tossed it onto the bed as he crawled up next to his husband, nipping and licking as he went. His right hand ran up along the man’s left leg, the fine hairs on Jensen’s thigh tickling his fingertips. He stopped when his fingers met with the coarser hair at the base of his husband’s cock and then he reached down and cupped Jensen’s balls, massaging them gently.

“Babe, you didn’t answer me.” He breathed the words into the side of Jensen’s neck. “What do you want?” His index finger slipped down and teased at the furled flesh of the man’s hole and Jensen reacted with another groan.

Jared proceeded to nip along Jensen’s jawline, lips rasping against the five o’clock shadow, as he waited for an answer.

Jensen’s eyes opened and the man stared up at Jared. Again, there was that flash of something, but it was muted by the rush of hormones now coursing through him.

“Your cock…in me…now.”

A wide, dimpled grin appeared on Jared’s face and he leaned down to give Jensen a chaste kiss.

“I think that can be arranged,” he said as he pulled away from his husband’s mouth and thrust up against Jensen’s thigh letting the man know how much he wanted this. As he did, a burst of breath puffed out of his own mouth. It had been too long since they’d done this. This last month, especially, had been a living hell.

Jared peeled himself away from Jensen’s warm body and said, “Hands and knees.”

Normally, they made love face to face, but something told Jared that Jensen needed a good, _hard_ fucking today. His assumption was proven correct when Jensen didn’t argue, didn’t give him any second looks, and followed his command without question.

The fact that Jensen was being so quiet concerned Jared more than a little, but again he contributed it to the pressure his husband had been under lately, and then whatever crisis had occurred yesterday. The man was usually quiet and reserved, but surprisingly Jensen had a filthy mouth when either fucking or being fucked.

“Y’okay, Jen?” Jared asked before moving forward. Really, if the man didn’t want this, he wasn’t going to force him.

“Just do it already,” Jensen growled back in reply.

Jared lifted an eyebrow; he wasn’t going to argue with that. He shifted around behind Jensen and admired the view for brief moment before sliding his hands over the firm globes of flesh. His thumbs drifted along the crack of Jensen’s ass before spreading him open and then Jared leaned forward, tongue teasing at his husband’s needy hole.

Jensen jumped under the touch and Jared pushed forward. His husband was tense, closed to him. Jared took his time working him open. He pushed his tongue in—tasting, licking, sucking—feeling the muscles begin to relax around him. After a while, Jared could feel Jensen’s body start to tremble, a sure sign that it was getting to be too much for the man.

Jared pulled away and searched for the lube which had gotten lost in the blankets. When he found it, he popped the cap open and poured a generous amount of the cool, silky gel onto his fingers.

“’bout goddamned t-,” Jensen began to mutter, but his words were cut off when Jared pushed his index finger into him. The older man grunted, his muscles tightening around Jared’s finger at the unexpected intrusion. “Fuck.” He arched his back as he adjusted to the sensation.

Jared kissed the left cheek of Jensen’s ass as he crooked his finger and worked on stretching his husband open. The man was so damn tight—it had been way too long since they’d done this—and Jared found himself overly aroused by the thought of sinking into that grasping heat, so much so that he had to reach down and cinch the fingers of his free hand around the base of his cock to keep from coming like a teenager getting laid for the first time.

“You’re so tight, Jen. So perfect.”

Jared watched his finger slide in and out of his husband’s puckered hole. When he felt Jensen was ready, he tucked his middle finger in beside the first. Jensen pushed back against the stretch and moaned as Jared began to scissor his fingers, stretching him even further. He was transfixed by the sight in front of him…wet fingers slipping and sliding…in and out…in and out. Jared couldn’t wait to replace those fingers with his aching dick.

Jensen’s breathing became heavy as he rocked back against Jared’s fingers. “Enough. I don’t need-” Again his words were cut short when Jared found the man’s prostate. Jensen fell forward onto his forearms and panted. As he did, Jared pushed a third finger in. Jensen gasped.

Jared knew neither of them was going to last long at this rate. “Another minute, Jen. Almost there,” he promised.

Jensen only let out some desperate noise in response.

And then Jared felt the ring of muscle around his fingers relax even further. Enough was enough. He slipped his fingers out and Jensen whined at the sudden loss. Jared found the lube and slicked himself up with only a quick stroke; he was too close to do more than that.

Jared knelt up behind his husband. They both went quiet when he swept the head of his cock over the slick furl of muscle. And then he pushed. Jensen’s body felt like home as it nearly sucked him in. Jared ground his teeth into his bottom lip as he fought the urge to come.

“Holy fuck,” he hissed.

Jensen stilled as Jared allowed himself to slide in completely until he was seated, balls deep. Jared slid a hand over the base of Jensen’s spine, trying to soothe the man as he took him all the way in. Jared knew it couldn’t have felt great. He was modest for the most part, but he knew he wasn’t exactly lacking in the size department; neither was Jensen for that matter.

When Jared didn’t move, Jensen craned his neck around and looked at him. “I’m not gonna break. Fuck me like you mean it.” Then he pulled forward and thrust back. Hard.

Jared’s breath was knocked out of him and it took a second to get caught up with what was being demanded of him.

“’C’mon, get with the program, Jay,” Jensen growled, voice low and to the point.

Jensen’s attitude was starting to piss Jared off. It tempered his orgasm just slightly, enough to keep him from coming too soon, which wasn’t the worst thing. He slipped his hands around Jensen’s sides, gripped his hips, pulled back, and thrust deeply. The motion forced a grunt out of Jensen’s mouth and the corner of Jared’s lips twitched up into a smirk.

“You want it hard,” he pulled out again, leaving just the head of his cock inside the man’s heat, “I’ll give it to you hard.” And then Jared pounded into Jensen’s ass, nearly driving the man down into the bed.

The fronts of Jared’s thighs slapped loudly against the backs of Jensen’s; the room filled with carnal sounds of lust. Jared grunted; Jensen moaned as he clutched at the sheets trying to keep from sliding further up the bed. Both of them would probably have bruises to show for it in the morning, but Jared thought it was worth it as he thrust into his husband.

Jared shifted position, and when Jensen started panting, “Oh, god… ohgodohgodohgod… ohhh…,” his words slurring together, Jared knew he had found the man’s prostate. He felt Jensen’s channel start to flutter around him and picked up the pace, driving into his husband even harder.

“That’s it, babe. Get off without me touchin’ you. C’mon.”

Jensen moaned as he came, thick ropes of come spurting over the sheets. Jared gasped at the vice-like grip clenching around his cock; he couldn’t hold back as his husband fell apart beneath him. Currents of white, hot fire surged through him, starting deep in his core and heading straight down to his dick. Jared lost it. He cried out, toes curling, as his orgasm flew through him like white lightning.

When he came to, he was shocked at the sudden change in his husband’s demeanor. Jensen pulled away from him abruptly. They both hissed as Jared’s now overly sensitive cock slipped out of the older man.

“What the hell, Jen?”

“Fuck you, that’s what!”

Jensen pushed up from the bed without looking back at Jared. He headed over to his bureau to finish getting what he’d originally come into the room for and then stormed off toward the door.

“Jesus Christ, Jensen. What the hell is wrong with you?” Jared couldn’t help but notice the slick of lube and cum on the back of Jensen’s thighs as he stared at the man’s back.

Jensen stopped at the door; he spun around, eyes burning with that same fury Jared had seen earlier.

“You’re smart, Jared. I think you can figure it out.” He turned to leave, but paused again. Over his shoulder, he said, “You have six days.”

Jared was speechless. He had no idea how to come back at that. He was quick-witted and sharp of tongue when he was in the midst of a trial, but when it came to his own husband, he was lost, especially when he was in a post-coital fog like he was now. All he could do was watch Jensen disappear from the doorway.

“Fuck.”

And then Jared was in motion even as he heard the door slamming down the hall. He grabbed a pair of boxers out of his drawer, nearly tripping as he pulled them on in his haste to get to Jensen. He ran out the door and down the hallway. When he reached the guest room Jensen had taken up residency in, he knocked on it; he could at least give Jensen that much. There was no answer. So he knocked again, but harder this time.

“Jen. C’mon. Don’t do this. We gotta talk.”

No answer.

He tried the door knob and found it to be locked. And then he distantly heard the shower being turned on.

Really, what the hell was all of this about? He was starting to think his husband was losing his mind.

Well, he wasn’t going to let Jensen leave again; that was for damn sure.

Jared stalked back down the hallway. He passed the master bedroom and jogged down the stairs. When he entered the foyer, he saw Jensen’s keys in the bowl with his own, right where he knew they’d be. Jared grabbed both sets and headed down the hallway to his office.

He crossed the room and slid a panel in the wall over, revealing his safe, and then punched in the six-digit security code. When the light flashed green, he opened the door and tossed the keys inside. Before closing it, he reprogrammed the code to something Jensen wouldn’t know.

Whether Jensen wanted to or not, they were going to talk about this.


	4. Chapter 4

**~~ J ~ E ~ N ~ S ~ E ~ N ~~**

Jensen slammed the door shut behind him and threw his clean clothes down on the bed. He closed his eyes as he wiped his hands over his face and then carded his fingers through his short hair. He needed to calm himself down.

But he was furious. Not at Jared (well, he was still thoroughly pissed off at him; that wasn’t going to change), but at himself. He’d just bent over and let Jared fuck him into the mattress as if nothing was catastrophically wrong between the two of them. Although, if Jensen let himself think about it, it was the best sex he’d had in a long while. Jared was a goddamned expert in the fine art of getting Jensen off. As a matter of fact, Jensen could still feel the phantom touch of his husband’s fingers all over his body. He could also still feel… Yeah, he needed a shower.

It only took a minute before Jensen could hear Jared knocking, then pounding on the bedroom door, calling out to him. He ignored the man as he waited for the shower to come up to temp and then stepped in under the steady stream of hot water.

Jensen stood there, head bowed as the water rained down on his shoulders, relieving the tension which had built back up after the comfortable buzz of his orgasm had worn off. He’d known this was going to be difficult when he’d had Misha put the paperwork together. Now, he was living the reality of that…up close and personal.

His thoughts wandered back to what he’d just done with Jared. His husband had been quick to get him onto his hands and knees which was unusual—Jared usually preferred to watch him when they made love. Had the man not wanted to look at him? _Fuck_. Had he been imagining that he was screwing Matt the whole time? Was that how he and Matt…?

A muscle in Jensen’s jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth. He was sickened at the idea that Jared’s dick had been up someone else’s ass. Jared hadn’t even used a condom. Did he even care that he was putting Jensen at risk? Jensen wanted to punch something for having been so stupid, so lost in the moment. He had a weakness toward Jared— _always had_ —and he was going to have to steel himself against it.

He scrubbed until the water ran cold and his body was raw, then turned off the valve and reached out for a towel, pulling a fluffy, beige one off the shelf on the wall. He dried off quickly and got dressed, cursing himself for the fact that he hadn’t grabbed more than just one pair of clothes while he’d been in the bedroom. And— _dammit—_ somewhere along the way, he’d lost his boxers.

“Just great,” he muttered when he realized he was going to have to go commando until Jared went to work tomorrow. He just didn’t have the energy to deal with the man again today.

As Jensen pulled his shirt over his head, his stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten anything except for two granola bars this morning. He knew he’d burned more calories than he’d taken in by hiking the trails—and the damn kitchen seemed like it was miles away from where he was in the house. There was a lot of ground to cover between himself and the refrigerator.

“Suck it up, Jensen.”

Their bedroom door stood ajar as he passed it. Jensen glanced into the room as he quickly made his way down the hallway toward the stairs. He didn’t see Jared, but that didn’t mean anything. He hadn’t seen his husband earlier and look at what had happened.

Jensen made it to the kitchen without having to make any detours. While he moved about the room, finally pulling a carton of lo mein from the fridge that was leftover from the other night—it was the least time-consuming food he could find to eat—he remained wary, glancing over his shoulder knowing Jared could make an appearance at any moment.

He opened the container and sniffed at it to make sure it hadn’t gone bad. “Good enough,” he said to himself as he reached up and pulled a plate from the cabinet. Jensen took a second to dump what remained in the box onto the dish and popped it into the microwave. As he did, he noticed the green numbers on the appliance said it was only three o’clock. How was he going to avoid Jared for the next seven or so hours?

Hell, how was he going to avoid him for almost the next _week_?

✽  ✽  ✽

His stomach had stopped protesting its hunger, but now it churned because he hadn’t taken his time eating…and the food had landed like a ten ton rock. Jensen drained his glass of red wine anyway and tried to ignore the unsettled feeling. It would eventually go away.

It took less than five minutes to clean up after himself and then he headed out through the foyer with plans on going back upstairs and locking himself up in his study for the rest of the afternoon. His manuscript still needed to be completed and his agent wasn’t going to care about his personal problems. A deadline was a deadline.

Since he had neither seen nor heard from Jared, he wondered if the man was even home. Jensen glanced in the bowl where they kept their keys and Jared’s weren’t there. “Thank god.” He felt himself breathe a little easier. That meant he could take some time to get his things out of the master bedroom and relocate to the guest suite. Better yet, he should get Jared’s stuff together and make him sleep in the guest room. After all, Jensen was staying; Jared was the one who was leaving.

But then Jensen’s brow pinched together as he stared down at the bowl. He was almost positive he’d tossed his keys in there when he’d gotten home. And now they weren’t there.

Without thinking, he ran up the stairs to their bedroom. He needed to make sure. Maybe he hadn’t left them there; maybe they were still in the pocket to his discarded jeans.

When he entered the room, he found his clothes still scattered about, left where Jared had thrown them earlier. Jensen picked up his jeans and, without even having to check, he knew his keys weren’t in them. He did, however, find his cell phone and wallet. At least he still had those.

What did Jared expect to gain from stealing his keys? To keep him from leaving? The man should have known Jensen had another mode of transportation…another key.

“Shit.” Jensen took off down the hallway heading toward his study. Sherlock lifted his head from where he was perched on the back of the couch in front of the window; he let out a wide yawn when his owner came around the corner into the room. Jensen spied Jared’s car still sitting out in the driveway through the large window in front of his desk. So, he _was_ still home.

Jensen ignored that fact for the moment as he ripped open the top drawer to his desk and shuffled through the miscellaneous notebooks, papers, etcetera. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he found the pink, heart-shaped keychain—the less-than-masculine ornament had been a joke from his husband, but Jensen had kept it. Jared had forgotten to take the key to his Charger, his pride and joy.

Jensen curled his fingers around the key—the metal teeth dug sharply into the palm of his hand—and he slouched down into his chair. He leaned back and rubbed at his temple, trying to suppress the headache that was blossoming.

“This is day two,” he grumbled, “just freakin’ day two.” And Jared, as far as Jensen knew, hadn’t signed the papers yet.

The only reason he could figure on Jared lifting his keys was that the man wanted to talk. His husband had always been a talker. Well, if Jared wanted to talk, he was going to give him something to talk about.

But he was going to get his keys back first.

Jensen stood up and pocketed the key to his car, not willing to leave it out of his sight. He stopped and scratched Sherlock under the chin before heading out of the room. “Wish me luck, pal.”

He moved quietly, but with intent, through the rooms of the house searching for Jared. It didn’t take long to see that the second floor was empty, as were the sitting room, the dining room, the kitchen, and the sun room. The only place Jensen had left to check on the first floor was Jared’s office; the room was at the far end of the house.

Jensen stalked down the hallway, eyes narrowed on the open door ahead of him. His footsteps were silent on the carpet runner spanning the long corridor. He squared his shoulders and took a breath as he neared it. And then he was in the room.

Jared was dressed in only a pair of gray boxer briefs. He was sitting back on his couch, right ankle resting on his left knee, right arm thrown up along the backrest. He had a look of pure innocence on his face, a look Jensen knew too well to mean the exact opposite.

“You’re an asshole,” Jensen growled as he stood in the doorway. “What’d you do with them?”

Jared shrugged. He said nothing, but Jensen saw the man’s eyes flick over to the back of the room…toward the safe.

“Seriously?”

“We need to talk about what’s going on, Jen.”

“Like hell we do. You had no right to take my keys.” Jensen moved swiftly across the room and reached up to slide the panel over. He knew the combination, had to because Jared kept the deed to their house in this safe as well as their life insurance papers and other important documents…like their marriage certificate.

He punched in the six-digit code he knew so well.

The light flashed red.

Jensen re-entered the number.

Red.

“You son of a bitch.” He rounded on the younger man. “Really, Jared, you changed the damn code?”

“Why? Were you plannin’ on going somewhere?” Jared lifted an eyebrow in question. From all outward appearances, he didn’t seem fazed by what was going on.

Jensen growled under his breath. He could see Jared wasn’t going to make this easy. “That’s no longer your concern.” He glanced down at Jared’s desk then. It was covered in papers; his laptop stood open, sitting on the corner. In the middle of it all was the man’s briefcase. Jensen’s fingers suddenly twitched at his sides; he looked up at his husband.

Jared just sat there ever so casually like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. And that irked Jensen. _How could Jared act like this was nothing? This was their marriage!_

“I’ll ask one you more time. Give. Me. My. Damn. Keys.”

“No.”

Jensen saw red. He didn’t know what possessed him to do it, but he snatched Jared’s briefcase off the desk and then bolted out of the room. It took Jared a few seconds to catch up to what he had just done and then the man was after him. “Jen!” he heard Jared yelling his name.

Jensen was already down the hallway and heading toward the back door. He knew Jared was in pursuit, but he moved too quickly through the house for his husband to catch up to him. He unlatched the door, swung it open, and then…threw the briefcase. It sailed through the air almost as if in slow motion, sunlight catching off the soft, brown leather, and then suddenly its trajectory changed and it started moving downward.

Jared skidded to a stop beside Jensen just in time to see his briefcase full of files and case documents make contact with the diving board. With what seemed like a resounding _crack_ in the sudden silence between the two men, the case burst open and all of its contents rained down into the waters of their in-ground pool.

Jensen stood there, eyes wide and frozen in shock at what he’d just done. “Holy shit,” he whispered, stunned.

“What the fuck, Jen?” Jared was out the door and leaping over the four-foot safety fence surrounding the pool before Jensen could blink. The younger man dove into the water and began to rescue as many papers as he could. Jensen could only watch. _What the hell had he just done?_

On the other side of the pool enclosure, Sadie was running back and forth in her pen, whining with her tail hanging low. The dog knew something was going on.

Jared looked infuriated as he swam this way and that, saving what he could. When there was nothing left worth rescuing, he started swimming back toward the ladder. “Have you gone and lost your goddamned mind?” he yelled as he hauled himself up out of the pool, his briefcase and a pile of sodden papers in his left hand, dripping with water. “You know, there’s help for that.”

By then, Jensen had snapped out of his shocked stupor. He crossed his arms over his chest as he continued to stand there in the doorway, by all means trying to avoid the fact that there was a wet Jared standing there in just skin tight—and so very see-through that they left nothing to the imagination—boxer briefs. Deep down, he knew he should apologize, but he didn’t. Instead, what came out of his mouth was, “Next time, give me my fucking keys when I tell you to.”

Jared just stood there, water dripping off him, off the papers and his briefcase. A puddle was forming at his feet. He was looking down at his ruined work. When he brought his gaze back up to Jensen, his hazel eyes were dark, betraying the temper he struggled to keep in check.

“All I wanted to do was discuss this—whatever it is that’s going on—but clearly you…you’d rather not.” His voice was low, a controlled fury lingering just below the surface. “I don’t know what it is you want from me. I’ve worked my ass off, Jen...not just for me, but for _you_. And this, this is the thanks I get? Well, screw you! Is that what you want me to say? Fucking grow up, man!”

Jensen didn’t reply. He turned and headed toward the garage, needing to get out of there, away from Jared. Maybe the man was right, maybe Jensen was losing his mind.

But Jared still should have given him his damn keys. And he shouldn’t have slept with Matt.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen wrenched open the door to his Charger and slid in behind the wheel. It took three tries to get the key slotted into the ignition; his hand was shaking more than he’d like to admit.

When he did get the car started, it roared to life with a low and steady rumble; the sound drowned out the constant roar of his heart pounding in his ears. Jensen smacked at the garage door remote on the visor and then shifted the car into reverse. His feet moved quickly over the clutch and the gas pedal, too quickly, as the back tires lost grip and spun on the white tiled floor. He let up on the gas just slightly and backed the car out of the garage. Almost before he came to a stop, Jensen slammed the car into first gear and took off down the driveway. Where he was going, he had no idea, but he hoped to find some sanity wherever it was.

✽  ✽  ✽

Twenty-five minutes later, Jensen was pulling up to a country-western bar just on the outskirts of San Jose. Due to the early hour, the lot was mostly empty; only an old, blue and white Chevy pick-up and two other cars were taking up residence beside the building. He took an empty space next to the truck. Seeing the classic truck brought back fond memories of his high school days back home in Richardson, Texas. Somehow the thing was still around. It was probably because she was well-taken care of by her owner.

Jensen sat in his car for a few minutes and just breathed. He wanted to look at least semi-normal before going inside. His life had gone from zero to fucked-up in just over a day. Misha had been his friend for years, but he needed to fall back on another old friend for some advice, someone who knew him, someone from _home_.

As he stepped through the front door of the bar, Jensen blinked his eyes trying to adjust to the dim light of its interior. He was immediately surrounded by the voice of Keith Whitley coming out of the jukebox; ‘When You Say Nothing at All’ was playing. _How appropriate,_ Jensen thought as he walked across the room toward the bar and toward his old friend whose back was currently turned to him.

“What’s a guy gotta do around here to get a drink?”

“Jenny!” Christian Kane stood up from where he was crouched down checking stock and turned around, big smile on his face. His shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a ponytail and his blue eyes shone brightly. He looked over Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen knew the man was looking for Jared. “Where’s-?”

“He’s not here,” Jensen cut him off.

Chris didn’t push, clearly understanding that Jensen didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, he reached under the bar and then put two fresh tumblers on the counter. “Whiskey?”

“Better make it a double,” Jensen replied as he slid onto the stool in front of his friend.

“Rough day?” the older man asked as he poured two whiskeys: one for Jensen, one for himself.

“You could say that.”

Jensen took one of the two glasses from his friend and knocked it back; the liquid burned as it washed down his throat, but it felt good. He set the glass on the counter and rubbed his thumb along the lip of it.

Chris was Jensen’s oldest and most trusted friend (even more so than Misha). They’d known each other since Chris’ family had first moved next door to the Ackles’ when he was ten. (Jensen had only been six at the time, but they’d been thick as thieves since the first day they’d met.) And that truck out in the parking lot? Well, it was where Jensen had had his first real sexual experience—a blow job—from a guy…Chris. They’d been severely inebriated that night—Jensen had only been sixteen and, at the time, still a virgin. Chris had always shrugged it off, calling it his experimental phase. (Jensen had never complained.) As far as Jensen knew, Chris was ‘mostly’ straight now…although he still wondered about the man's sexuality at times; not that it really mattered one way or the other.

“So,” Chris leaned up against the counter, sipping his liquor, “do I need to go kick Jay’s ass for you?”

The man’s words caused Jensen to smile. Chris had always looked out for him. He wasn’t nearly as tall as Jensen or Jared—only measuring up at around 5’9”—but he was all muscle, built like a brick shithouse. Jensen had witnessed some pretty awesome fights back in the day.

“I appreciate the gesture, but I think I’ve got it covered.” He pushed his glass forward with the tips of his fingers and Chris poured him another. Jensen drank half of it and then put it down. The current song on the jukebox came to an end and Johnny Cash’s ‘I Walk the Line’ started up. “We’re, um…,” he sniffed, pausing for a second, then let the secret out, “we’re gettin’ a divorce.”

Chris was mid-swig and whiskey suddenly sprayed out of his mouth. “Jesus, Jen. I thought you two were all happy an’ shit. What’s he gone an’ done that for?” Where Jensen had lost most of his Texan accent due to his acting days, the southern twang could still be heard in his friend’s words.

Jensen bit into his lip and looked down at his drink.

“Aw, hell, Jenny, _you_ asked for it?”

Jensen nodded. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” Chris lived in an apartment upstairs from the bar, owner’s privileges and whatnot.

“Yeah, whatever you need, man.”

For the second night in a row, Jensen drank himself into a stupor. He had also bummed a pack of cigarettes off his friend. He hadn’t smoked in years—not since his college days long before he’d met Jared—but right now he didn’t give a rat’s ass.

He hardly recalled Chris half-carrying him up the stairs and laying him out on the couch later that night.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen awoke with a massive hangover. His head was pounding and nausea wrenched at his stomach. He spent his first half hour awake bowing to the porcelain god that was Chris’ toilet. When he was done, a cold washcloth was handed to him from over his shoulder.

“Thanks.” His throat felt like it was on fire and his voice sounded wretched.

Afterwards, Jensen picked at some dry toast and drank a mug of coffee that Chris had so kindly made for him. They sat across from each other in the kitchen. Their conversation was anything but easy. What words did pass back and forth were kept to safe topics like Jensen’s latest book and Chris’ most recent gig. (The older man was in the process of trying to get a recording deal.) They'd done enough talking last night over drinks.

When Chris headed off to take a shower, Jensen checked his phone. Jared had called twice; he hadn’t left any voicemails. But there was a text…

_“I'm not gonna let this go”_

Jensen wasn't exactly sure how to read that.


	5. Chapter 5

**~~ J ~ A ~ R ~ E ~ D ~~**

Jared’s lips tightened into a thin line as his husband turned and silently stormed off into the house. Moments later, he heard the growl of Jensen’s Charger coming from the garage. He didn’t bother going after the man because right now? Right now, he was livid.

In his clenched fist were the ruined remains of so much work…days, weeks, months. Most of it—thank god—was backed up to his laptop, but each and every signature was going to have to be gotten for a second time. Some of them were next to impossible to get in the first place. To do so again… Well, let’s just say the type of clientele the firm had on its books had much better things to do than to bend their busy schedules due to Jared’s personal life.

He briefly glanced back at the pool. Below the sparkling surface of the water, Jared could see dark shapes resting on the floor, twelve feet down. “Mother fucker,” he growled from under his breath. He was going to have to call the pool guy to gather the rest of the bits and pieces of his work from the bottom. He certainly wasn’t diving back in to retrieve the assortment of pens, paperclips, and other loose items. And shit, he’d had a couple of flash drives in there as well.

 _How the hell am I going to explain this to Jeff?_ he thought as he looked down at the papers in his hand. They were too far gone to salvage, even if he was able to get them to dry out.

Jared’s already tremulous grip on the wall of control he’d been trying to hold onto slipped and his temper flared. If this was how Jensen wanted to play, Jared would play.

He charged back into the house—using the gate this time—and tossed the water-logged papers into the kitchen sink as he passed it; they landed with a soggy _splat_ against the stainless steel. He didn’t bother stripping out of his wet boxers. They weren’t even a concern at this moment in time. Instead, he swung by the fridge, grabbed a beer because—yeah—he could use one right now, and then he made a beeline up the stairs, heading directly for Jensen’s study.

Hard eyes swept over the room. It was neat and tidy—Jensen had always had some sort of OCD complex. Everything in the room was an antique—the leather couch, the mission-style swivel chair, the desk which they’d had imported from England a few years back; even the curtains were vintage—everything, that was, except for Jensen’s laptop which sat smack dab in the middle of his desk.

What Jensen had done was inexcusable and all Jared could think of was ‘an eye for an eye’.

He sat down at Jensen’s desk and logged on to his laptop, his fingers shaking with the fury that was no longer being suppressed. Jared clicked on a folder marked ‘Sinclair 4’. In it, he found several files: Jensen’s outlines, research notes, miscellaneous writings…and Jensen’s latest novel. He right-clicked on the document and let the cursor hover over the word ‘Delete’. Jared’s index finger drew light circles over the button on the mouse as he contemplated what he was about to do. This was Jensen's _only_ copy of his manuscript. Jared knew that because Jensen's external hard drive had fried the other night, and he was pretty sure the man hadn't had a chance to replace it yet.

He took a long pull from his beer as he sat there staring at the screen. The wallpaper behind the open window was a picture of Jensen and himself at some restaurant Jared couldn’t remember the name of at the moment. They’d been so _happy_.

“Dammit, Jen!” He slammed the beer bottle down on the desk and ran his long fingers through his hair. It had dried some after his unexpected swim, but not completely. “I can’t do this,” he mumbled and then backed the cursor away from the delete button and closed out of the folder.

The man he loved— _who he still_ _loves—_ was hurting. How could he even contemplate hurting him more, stoop to that level? He should be trying to figure this out, not adding to the fire. The papers Jensen had destroyed in the heat of the moment could be replaced; Jensen couldn’t be.

It was then that Jared felt himself forgiving the man. That was what marriage was all about. He’d had his bad days and Jensen had been there for him. Well, now it was apparently his turn.

Jared reached for his beer as he went to get up. His fingers slipped on the condensation-laden glass and he watched it topple over…directly onto the keyboard of Jensen’s computer.

“No! Nonononono.”

Jared quickly grabbed the bottle up, setting it right again, and then he scrambled around the room searching for something to mop up the mess—there was nothing, not even a shirt. A quiet crackling and hissing suddenly came from the computer causing Jared to turn around. The screen began to shudder and flicker…and then it went black. A strangled half-cry, half-yell escaped from Jared’s lips when all he could do was watch.

Never in his life had he ever spilled something onto a computer, not even when he’d come back to the dorm a little less than sober after some party Chad had dragged him off to while in college. Why now? Was all of Jensen’s work gone? What was the man going to do if Jared had destroyed almost a year’s worth of work on him?

Jared whirled around, eyes scanning the room as if an answer was going to jump out at him. Sherlock sat on top of the couch grooming himself and barely acknowledged Jared’s near nervous breakdown. What was he going to do? Jensen already seemed like he hated him.

A thought came to him then. He knew someone who could possibly help him out of this hole he suddenly found himself in.

Jared picked up the laptop, grimacing when he tilted it and beer spilled out onto the area rug at his feet. It wasn’t much, maybe a swig’s worth or two, but apparently that’s all it took to do whatever damage it had done.

He dashed out of the room needing to get dressed. All of two minutes later, Jared was heading down the stairs tugging a t-shirt over his head with one hand while still holding Jensen’s laptop in the other. Before leaving, he ran out into the backyard, ignoring his trashed briefcase which was still upturned on the patio area in a small puddle of water by the pool, and called out to Sadie. She lifted her head from where it had been resting on her front paws, tail wagging.

“Come on, girl. I gotta go see Uncle Chad and you can’t stay out here all day.” Sadie barked happily as she jumped up and ran over to meet Jared at the gate to her pen. “Your daddy did something stupid and has to see if he can get it fixed,” Jared said to her. The dog _woofed_ back as if in reply as he led her back up to the house.

Once Sadie was inside, Jared poured some kibble into her dish and then went to get his keys from the bowl in the foyer. It was then that he remembered he’d locked them up in the safe earlier.

If he’d only given Jensen his keys when he’d asked for them… But Jared hadn’t known then that his husband would snap like that. Then again, even if he’d given Jensen the keys, it wouldn’t have fixed the underlying problem, whatever it was.

✽  ✽  ✽

Chad had worked with computers all through their days at Stanford, pulling off high-tech stunts and messing with the school’s electronics. The guy was a computer genius. If there was anyone who could fix Jensen’s computer, it was him.

Jared was already driving down the road when he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Chad’s number.

“Dude!” Chad shouted in greeting, making Jared pull the device away from his ear. “Congrats on the win, man. Saw it on the news. So, you and JenJen been celebratin’ all night?” His snicker could be heard over the line.

Jared smiled briefly at his friend’s lewdness. “Thanks and not exactly.”

“ _What_ is wrong with you two, Jay-man? After a win like that, your man shoulda been all over your ass! And if he wasn’t…well, I woulda been all over his.” Chad hesitated for a second, before adding, “If I was gay…which I’m not. You know that, right? Me and Kenzie-”

“Chad, shut up for a sec. I need your help.”

“Yeah, okay.” Chad sounded relieved at the change of subject. He’d never held it against Jared for being gay, didn’t have a problem with homosexuals or otherwise, but Chad always felt he had a reputation as a lady’s man to uphold. Being perceived as gay would put a dent in that. “How might the ‘All-Powerful Chadmeister’ be of service for you today?”

Jared sighed. His friend was stuck in his teens. “Are you sober?”

“Define sober.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Never mind.” He glanced down at the passenger seat; Jensen’s laptop sat there, wrapped in a towel. “I, uh, need your help with a little computer issue. I’m on my way there right now.”

“Shit. You couldn’t give a guy a little notice?”

Jared was sitting at a traffic light, glaring up at it as he waited for it to turn green. “It was sort of unplanned.”

“Computer problems usually are. – Hey, let yourself in when you get here. I gotta take a shower.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Ten minutes later, Jared pulled up behind Chad’s Volvo. The older man might still be a manic partier by night, but during the day, he’d taken his genius in computers and had made something of it. ‘CMM Enterprises’ was born several years ago—after Chad had taken off and spent a couple of years in Europe doing god only knew what. Now he wrote computer programs for the government, doing things like helping to keep hackers from stealing everyone’s social security. Jared didn’t know the finer details. All he knew was that Chad was self-employed and that there were confidentiality agreements in place. Actually, Jared had been at Chad’s side when he’d signed them.

The front door of Chad’s townhouse had been left unlocked for him and he stepped into the foyer. The television was on, blaring loudly across the room (some old Western); he could also hear some kind of techno music careening down the hallway from Chad’s room.

The first thing Jared did after carefully setting Jensen’s computer down on the table was turn off the TV. He was stressed out enough as it was. After, he settled himself at the kitchen table and waited for Chad to finish whatever he was doing.

Several minutes passed and Jared began to fidget. He had no idea where Jensen went or when he’d be home. Jared hadn’t left a note for him telling him what had happened and where he was. But really, if Chad could fix his husband’s laptop and if Jared could get it back without telling Jensen what had happened, he’d prefer it that way. Because, of course, Jensen would want to know what Jared had been doing with his computer in the first place. That wasn’t something Jared wanted to have to explain.

But he found himself taking his phone out anyway. Jared couldn’t help but be concerned about Jensen. A person didn’t do the things Jensen was doing unless something was really wrong. _Well, that’s fairly obvious_ , he thought to himself as he brought up Jensen’s number and stared at the man’s face on the screen—bright green eyes, caramel-colored freckles kissing the bridge of his nose and spreading out over his cheeks. His thumb hovered over the ‘Call’ button briefly as he chewed on his bottom lip. “Don’t be a pussy, Jared,” he muttered to himself and then pressed the button.

The phone rang. It went unanswered after four rings and then kicked over to voicemail. Jared sighed and hung up. He’d try again later if Jensen wasn’t home when he got there.

Just then, Chad walked into the kitchen. He pulled the refrigerator door open and took out a beer.

“Want one?”

That was all Jared needed. After all, beer was what got him into this predicament in the first place. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Whatever you say, man. So, is that the issue?” Chad gestured to the laptop on the table with his chin as he came over and sat down, carding the fingers of his left hand through his still wet mop of blond hair. At Jared’s nod in the affirmative, he put his beer down on the table and spun the computer around to face him. “What’s the problem with it?”

Jared didn’t get a chance to explain before Chad leaned down and sniffed at it.

“Dude, seriously? You been drinking and surfing for porn again?” Chad’s blue eyes glinted in the light as he smirked. “Let me guess, Fourth of July blitzed out under the keyboard, maybe burnt out the hard drive?”

“Something like that,” Jared replied morosely. “Can you fix it, or at least save what was on it?”

Chad stood up from the table then. “Give me a sec to get some tools and we’ll see what we’ve got.”

Jared scrubbed his palm over his face and stared down at the dead computer. All he could think of was that Jensen was going to kill him. His mind drifted to all the ways his husband could go about doing that. He jumped when Chad flopped back down into the chair across from him and flipped the laptop over so he could get access to the panel he needed to remove. Jared’s eyes fell to Chad’s t-shirt. The words ‘Sex God for Hire’ were emblazoned across the front of it. Typical Chad.

“Why are you so jumpy, Jay? It’s not like you can’t afford to go out and buy a new computer. Don’t you have your stuff backed up?”

Jared glanced up at Chad, then back down to the laptop. Ignoring the question, he asked, “D’you think you can fix it?”

Chad was quiet, the gears in his head spinning. Jared saw the exact moment when the other man realized it. Jensen’s computer was a Mac. Chad was more than well-aware of the fact that Jared didn’t use a Mac.

“Crap, man. This is Jensen’s isn’t it? Jare, does he know? Is his book on this? Does _he_ back his stuff up?”

Jared looked away from Chad; he rolled his bottom lip in and bit down into it with his top teeth. He slowly shook his head ‘no’. Then he told Chad about the demise of Jensen’s external hard drive.

“Dude, he is so gonna kill you and hide the body. I’m sure he knows how to get away with it, too, being the awesome murder-mystery author he is.”

He almost laughed at how Chad had just said out loud what Jared had been thinking a few minutes ago. But it wasn’t funny. He’d really fucked up. The fact that he’d even considered doing anything to Jensen’s manuscript in the first place still had him cringing. Jared didn’t know he had that in him. He didn’t know _Jensen_ had it in him to do what he’d done either.

When Jared didn’t say anything, Chad spoke up again. Well,” he started sorting through his satchel of computer tools “you’re lucky I do most of my best work under pressure.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared was pacing the room. He’d been doing it non-stop since Chad had started to take Jensen’s laptop apart.

“Dude, would you quit it! You’re gonna wear a hole in my floor. And you’re messin’ with my zen.”

“Sorry, yeah.” Jared then leaned up against the counter. He wrapped his hands around the edge at his back and began to drum a steady beat against the undersurface with his fingers.

That was when Chad finally gave up and looked up at Jared, eyes narrowed.

“What?” Jared asked innocently, brow raised.

“Something’s up. Spill.” Chad leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Jared watched as the other’s man’s chair tipped precariously back onto two feet. “Nothing’s goin’ on.”

“Jay, don’t give me that shit. I _taught_ you how to lie. I know your tells.” He took a swig of his beer and smirked as the chair rocked. “And I’m not gonna touch that again,” Chad pointed to Jensen’s laptop with the beer bottle, “until you tell me what’s going on between you and lover boy.”

Jared became unnaturally quiet as he debated on answering the question.

“C’mon, dude. We’ve been friends for, like, ever. If something’s up-”

“He wants a divorce.” _Might as well just get it out there._

Chad’s chair went over with a crash. A sailor would have blushed at the words spilling from his mouth.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared told him everything.

Chad was now safely sitting on the couch. Every now and then he’d rub at his sore elbow from where it had hit the kitchen floor.

Jared was sitting across from him, staring down at the carpet. He couldn’t bear to look at the other man.

“And you have no idea why?”

“He won’t talk to me. He told me that I’m smart, that I can figure it out on my own.” Jared looked up at Chad then. “But— _dammit_ —I’ve be trying to figure it out and…there’s nothing. I _haven’t_ done anything.” He pushed his hands up through his hair, sweeping his bangs out of his face “And after what happened this afternoon, he took off; he won’t answer his phone. I have no idea where he is…or even if he’s okay. I’m worried about him, Chad.”

“I’m sure he’s fine, Jay. If I had to take a guess, he’s either over that clown Misha’s house or at Kane’s.”

Jared should have already known that, but his brain hadn’t been functioning on all cylinders since he’d come across the divorce papers. Either of those two options wouldn’t bode well for him.

If Jensen was at Misha’s, they could very well be planning Jared’s future demise. But then again, if he was with Chris, they might _literally_ be planning his demise. Chris had always been super protective of Jensen. Jared had had a few run-ins with the man early on in his and Jensen’s relationship; nothing serious, but enough to keep Jared wary of him…even if he did have almost a foot on Chris in height.

“Hey, you wanna stay here tonight?” Chad offered. “We could have a few drinks…forget about reality for a while.”

Jared sat back into the soft cushions of the recliner he was sitting in with a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes. There was nothing he’d like more to do than take Chad up on his offer, pretend things were normal, but he couldn’t, not with Jensen the way he was. And speaking of reality, Jared still had to go into the office in the morning. Jeff might have been able to take up Jared’s schedule today, but the man had to be in L.A. tomorrow morning to attend a trial that couldn’t be missed.

“I can’t; I gotta work, but thanks.” He stood up from the chair then, glancing at his watch. He’d been at Chad’s for several hours. It looked like Jensen’s files had survived, but the screen to his laptop had shorted out.

“It sucks bein’ all grown up, huh?” Chad knocked back the last of his beer and then stood up. He leaned into Jared and clapped him on the back of the shoulder. “And don’t worry about Jen’s computer. I’ll get it cleaned up and fix the screen tomorrow. It’ll be as good as new. I’ll even drop it off at the house for you.”

Jared glanced at his husband’s computer still sitting on the kitchen table. It sat in a multitude of pieces…too many if you asked him. Chad must have seen the worried look on his face because suddenly the other man playfully shoved at him.

“Dude, are you actually doubting my skills?” He smirked. “I could put that thing back together with my eyes closed. It’s nothing like what happened our sophomore year. That was just an accident. You knew that computer was a piece of junk anyway. And I bought you a new one after.”

People said he talked too much, but Chad? He had him beat by a mile.

Jared grinned. “Chad, that was years ago. And it was totally hilarious. Man, the look on your face when I got back to the dorm.” His smile was full-on dimples now and he chuckled.

That earned him a solid punch to the shoulder.

Chad sombered up a bit after that. “Go home and get this thing with Jensen straightened out. Whatever it is, you’ll get through it. You two love each other too much not to.”

“Thanks, man.” Jared turned and wrapped his long arms around Chad in a bear-sized hug.

“Uh, can’t breathe, King Kong.”

Jared snorted a laugh and pushed his friend away. “Sure thing, Ann.”

“Leave...before I kick your ass.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared tried calling Jensen again on the way home. As expected, there was no answer. “Jen, stop being so damn stubborn.” He thumbed off his phone and tossed it onto the seat next to him.

When he pulled into the driveway, the house was dark. Just for shits and giggles, he hit the garage door remote for Jensen’s bay and wasn’t in the least bit surprised to see that it still sat empty. Part of Jared wanted to drive by Chris’ place—he was sure that’s where Jensen had gone. Misha’s house was a little too chaotic with the kids and if his husband needed a place to let out some steam, Kane’s bar was the place to do it.

Kane.

Jared picked his phone up off the seat and brought up his contact list. It was late, but he knew the man would still be up. His call was answered on the first ring.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

Jared sighed. And, no, those weren’t tears pricking at his eyes.

“Just… Is he okay?”

“I don’t know why you care, but yeah. He’s passed out on my couch. It’s been a long night for him.”

“Why wouldn’t I care? Chris, what’s going on? What’s he told you? Because I don’t-”

“That’s his story, not mine. Have a good night, Jared.”

And then the phone went silent.

Jared pulled the device away from his ear and just looked at it. Again, he found himself staring down at Jensen’s smiling face. A few heartbeats passed and then Jared started typing a text message to his husband.

 _"I'm not gonna let this go_ ”

And he meant it. They were going to talk and they were going to fix this; he didn’t care what he had to do, even if he had to tie Jensen down to something. Jared wasn’t going to just sign on the dotted line and walk away. No. He had too much invested in this marriage.


	6. Chapter 6

**~~ J ~ E ~ N ~ S ~ E ~ N ~~**

Jensen was standing at Chris’ front door, hand on the knob. His friend had offered to let him stick around for as long as he needed, but he knew he couldn’t hide behind the man forever. There were just things that needed to be done…like feed Sherlock—he was sure the cat was pissed at him by now—and actually try to finish up his book.

He wasn’t panicked enough to start calling Kripke, his agent, not yet. The deadline for his manuscript was looming, but if he dug his heels in, he could get it wrapped up and e-mailed to the man in time. Jensen always built a buffer into his schedule just in case something happened…like an illness or—hell—if he just needed a break. He’d never thought a divorce would ever come into the picture though.

“You’re sure? Jared’s always seemed level-headed, but…” The older man trailed off, leaving his concerns unspoken.

Jensen’s eyes snapped up to Chris. Even if Jared was a cheating asshole, he would never do something to physically hurt Jensen. Of that, he was absolutely certain. The look on his face must have told Chris just that because the man threw his hands up in surrender and leaned up against the doorframe to the kitchen.

“Hey, just lookin’ out for you. People change when it comes to stuff like this, and well, you couldn’t have made him very happy when you trashed his briefcase like you did.”

Chris had bowled over laughing when Jensen had fessed up to the whole briefcase incident. And Jensen had, too. (Yeah, they might have both had a bit too much liquor in them at the time.) It wasn’t so funny now that it was broad daylight again. Now Jensen was going to have to face the repercussions of what he’d done.

“Believe it or not, I still trust him…at least in that respect. He wouldn’t hurt me, Chris.”

Chris crossed his thick arms over his broad chest, muscles flexing. His piercing, steel-blue eyes bore into Jensen, but he finally conceded with a nod. “Just watch yourself. If you need me—I don’t give a damn what time it is—you call me. And I mean it, if I gotta kick some Padalecki ass, I will.”

Jensen smiled. In thirty plus years the man hadn’t changed. It was a good thing to be on Chris’ side. Jensen sure as hell knew he wouldn’t want Chris coming after him. Just in their playful sparring as kids, Jensen had sported more bruises than he’d ever want to admit.

“Thanks. But really, I’ll be fine.” He hadn’t shown Chris the text from Jared. Jensen still didn’t know which way to take it: as a not-so-subtle threat or just his husband wanting to talk. Knowing which way Chris would read it, he felt it was better to keep it to himself. He didn’t need the other man accompanying him back to the house then physically attempting to escort Jared right out their front door. Jensen didn’t want it to come down to that. Something like that would just make things worse than they already were. “I’ll give you a call later, okay?”

“You make sure you do that.”

Jensen nodded and then stepped through the door. The late morning light gleamed off his car’s flawless hood and he smoothed a hand over it as he walked to the driver’s side door. She was a sight for sore eyes, but there was only so much a car could for him right now.

✽  ✽  ✽

The tension bled out of Jensen’s frame when he pulled into the driveway and saw that Jared wasn’t home; he had never thought there’d be a day when he’d be truly relieved that Jared’s job kept him away from the house more often than not. That meant he could get some things done without having to look over his shoulder constantly. He hit the garage door remote and rolled the car into its bay. The engine went silent as he turned back the key in the ignition. Jensen pulled in a deep breath and let it out.

Moments later, he was at the side door to the house. He reached up to turn the knob and found himself locked out. He realized then that he didn’t have his house key on him.

“Are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?”

He looked around the garage wondering what he was going to do. Jared had always pushed to keep a spare key hidden somewhere, but Jensen had adamantly refused to do so; call him stubborn if you will, but he’d always had a mild paranoia that someone would find the key and break into their house. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he considered what to do now. One thing he knew for sure was that he wasn’t calling Jared. The man was an hour away…but he also just wasn’t going to go there. He didn’t need Jared getting some ‘Knight in Shining Armor’ complex and thinking things were going to be okay. They weren’t.

Jensen jumped when he heard snuffling coming from just inside the door. Sadie must have caught his scent and knew he was there.

“Hey, Sadie. You wouldn’t happen to be able to unlock the door, would you, girl?”

A soft _woof_ was heard through the door.

“Yeah, didn’t think so.”

As Jensen stood there in contemplation, a thought occurred to him. He turned on his heel and headed out to the backyard. Recently, the overnight temperatures had been comfortable and he’d left a few of the windows open to let the cooler nighttime air into the house. If Jared hadn’t taken it upon himself to close them…

He rounded the back of the house, eyes scanning the windows. A soft flutter of curtains inside his study window had him smiling. _Bingo._  Now all he needed was a ladder. No problem; there was one in the shed.

Five minutes later, Jensen was finding stable footing for the ladder. He didn’t like heights much, but it was just a climb to the second floor, nothing he couldn’t handle…as long as he kept his eyes up and didn’t look down.

When he got up to the window, Jensen ran into another problem: the screen. He wrestled with it some, but it wouldn’t budge. “Dammit,” he growled. _Couldn’t something just work out right for once?_

He carefully backed down the ladder then and went back into the garage. He returned with a screwdriver from his tool chest. Jensen tucked it into his back pocket as he climbed up the ladder again. It was awkward, breaking into his own home, but hey, it was his house when all was said and done.

Jensen wedged the screwdriver between the frame of the screen and the window; the ladder shook slightly under him, but he grit his teeth and pried at the screen until it popped away from the window.

He nearly fell when the blare of the house alarm sounded.

“Son of a bitch!” he cursed as he threw the screen down to the ground below him along with the screwdriver and then shimmied in through the window, rolling over the back of his couch and down to the floor. In a flash, he was up on his feet and running. The alarm panel was downstairs by the front door. Since it was an exterior trigger that set it off, he had twenty seconds to get to it before the police sent a car out. That was attention Jensen just didn't want.

Jensen skidded out into the hallway and ran toward the stairs. Sadie added to the noise by barking incessantly. He took the stairs two—three—at a time and landed on a knee in the foyer. “Ow, goddammit,” he growled as he stood up and crossed the room to the panel. _Hopefully, Jared hadn’t decided to change the code to the damn house._ He punched in the number and the flashing red turned to green; the alarm went silent. “Nice to see you’re not a complete asshole.” Jensen leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, forearms resting over his knees as he tried to regain his breath.

It was then that he saw his keys were returned to the bowl up on the table. He closed his eyes and knocked his head back against the wall.

A few minutes later, Jensen stood up and snatched his keys from the dish. He wasn't going to risk Jared locking them away again.

By now, Sadie had calmed down and had disappeared down the hall toward Jared’s office and Sherlock was yowling hungrily as he threaded between Jensen’s legs.

“Just give me a second here, buddy. I’m working on it.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen had somehow made it to the alarm panel before the twenty seconds were up. All that had resulted in him triggering the alarm was a sore knee, a screen that may or may not be in need of replacement, and a phone call from the alarm company making sure everything was alright.

After he fed the cat and put Sadie out into her pen, he took care of putting the ladder away and picked the screen up from the lawn. He decided it looked okay and carried it with him back up to the house. As he walked, his gaze was drawn to the pool area.

Jared’s briefcase was still sitting there, a dreadful reminder of what had happened yesterday. Jensen hadn’t intentionally set out to ruin Jared’s work like that; his aim hadn’t necessarily been for the pool, just for…somewhere. The pool just sort of got in the way. But he couldn’t let himself dwell on it. It was too late now. The damage had already been done.

Jensen forced himself to look away and move on. If he was going to get through this divorce, he had to keep his head up and stay strong. Jared had brought this on himself. There was nothing to be sorry for. Nothing.

He tried to ignore the persistent inkling of guilt that still lay just under his skin.

✽  ✽  ✽

Showered and dressed in fresh clothing—including an actual pair of boxers this time—Jensen picked up the screen from where he’d left it leaning against the wall in the hallway and carried it to his study. It took a few minutes to get the screen back into place, but it was as good as new…well, except for the small dent in the lower left-hand corner. Jensen shrugged. _Good enough._

But something was off. A frown creased his forehead as he stood there in the middle of the room. Sherlock was perched on the back of the couch once more, happy that his window was free to bask in front of again. Nothing really looked out of place after a quick glance.

Jensen’s nose twitched.

And then he smelled it: the acrid scent of stale alcohol. Was that why his study window had been the only one left open? What the hell had Jared been trying to hide? _What_ had Jared done?

Jensen’s eyes searched the room, looking for something amiss. Everything that was there appeared okay. His gaze passed over his desk. And then he noticed it, saw what was wrong.

“ _No_.” The word came out on a shaky whisper. Yeah, everything _in_ the room was in order. But there was something _not_ in the room at the moment. “Jay, no…”

His work— _his life_ —was on that computer.

Jensen was good at backing his files up— _very good_ ; had to be in his profession—but since his external had crapped out... He had been planning on going out to purchase a replacement for it the afternoon he’d swung out to Morgan’s to see Jared, but then shit had hit the fan.

 _Oh, god, no_. The words repeated over and over in his head.

Jensen found it becoming increasingly difficult to breathe as he stood there staring at the empty desk. _Am I hyperventilating? Oh, my god._ He reached out, fingers curling around the antique wood of his desk chair, trying to hold himself up. His eyes burned and he blinked them in an attempt to keep the unbidden tears of devastation at bay. This would ruin him, his career, his reputation as an author.

Then a muscle twitched in his jaw; his hands balled into tight fists at his sides. Jensen breathed heavily through his nose, nostrils flaring as his skin flushed in anger.

“Well, Jared, you wanna play with fire, you better expect to get burned.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen wrenched open the closet doors and stared at Jared’s finely-tailored—not to mention expensive—suits. Without a thought, he pulled them from the rack and slung them over his arm, one by one. He walked over to the already open window and flung them out. A breeze caught a few of the jackets and sent them fluttering across the front lawn. A crackle of thunder could be heard in the distance—the news on the radio earlier had warned of some severe weather moving in this afternoon—and a vicious grin spread over his face.

Once the closet was cleared of the younger man’s clothing, Jensen proceeded to go through Jared’s bureau. He started with the top drawer and worked his way down.

Socks…underwear…undershirts…all out the window. Out went the salmon-colored button down he hated so much…then a blue and white floral-print one, followed by every other shirt in the drawer as well as Jared’s t-shirts. Once he reached the bottom of the drawer, Jensen slammed it shut and moved on to the next: jeans. The heavy cotton material of every pair slapped against the window frame they went out joining all of the other clothing. The last pair got caught on the window sill, but a gust of wind tugged at them and pulled them out.

Jensen smiled as it started to rain; huge drops splashed against the stone exterior of the house. The driveway was quickly pooling up with water. A bolt of lightning lit up the darkening sky and he jumped when thunder crackled in the distance.

Then a dog barked.

_Shit._

Jensen happened to glance at a framed photo on his bureau. It was from early last summer when they’d taken a trip down to Texas to visit both of their families. It had always been one of Jensen’s favorites: Jared had taken a selfie of himself and Sadie while out on a walk one morning. The original picture had been texted to Jensen, but he’d had it enlarged and framed later on after they’d gotten home.

And now the poor dog was out in the rain. She didn’t like thunderstorms.

Jensen closed the bedroom window, locking it without a second thought, and then he made his way downstairs to the backyard to let Sadie in. The frightened dog was already soaked through by the time he reached the dog pen.

“Hey, Sades. It’s okay. C’mon, girl. Let’s get you in and dried off, huh?” Jensen tried to soothe the dog as the wind whipped up around them sending the palm fronds above their heads into a frenzy. Her tail was down between her legs and her brown eyes were wide with fear. He started to lead the way back up the house, encouraging the dog along. “C’mon, Sadie. I’ll get you a doggie treat when we get inside. How’s that sound?”

The rain started drumming down harder around Jensen and Sadie. He barely had time to think about how fast the storm had moved in before another bright streak of lightning tore through the sky and an earth-shattering crack and rumble sounded seconds behind it. It was so powerful that the ground seemed to shake beneath their feet and Jensen flinched from the shock of it.

Sadie fared even less well. The dog screeched and bolted…but not toward the back door. Instead, she shot off around the side of the house in a panic.

“Sadie!” Jensen yelled. He took off after her, but slipped on the wet grass, going down on the same knee he’d injured earlier. “Goddammit!” He got back up to his feet, water pelting at his face, and started off again with a pronounced limp. By the time he got to the front yard, the dog was gone, out of sight. “Sadie!” he yelled out one more time, but his voice was drowned out by another crack of thunder.

"Fuck."

He stood there in the driveway catching his breath, not even bothering to wipe the rain from his face. It was one thing to screw with Jared’s clothes, but what was the man going to do when he came home and found Sadie missing? He was going to think Jensen had done it on purpose.

That dog was something special to Jared.

She’d shown up in their lives one particularly dark and stormy night not long after they’d gotten married. Jensen would never forget how Jared had come rushing through the front door of their pint-sized apartment looking every bit as if he’d gone for a swim with his clothes on. Jensen had been about to say something to that extent when small crying noises suddenly erupted from the blanket in the younger man’s arms. And then a little, brown head with floppy ears peeked out of the soft material causing Jared to smile brighter than the sun. “Meet Sadie,” he’d said like a proud papa. The poor thing had been abandoned in a ditch on the side of the road. Jared had always had a huge heart for animals in need.

And now Sadie was gone.

Jensen was going to have to find her, but he wasn’t exactly dressed for it. He looked down; he was still in his socks. He hadn’t put shoes on, hadn’t really thought much of anything as he’d run outside to rescue the dog from the torrential downpour. Jensen turned and walked as quickly as his knee would allow back up to the house, socks sodden and uncomfortable. When he reached the front door, he groaned when he found it locked. Of course it was locked. He hadn’t had any reason to unlock it earlier.

As he sloshed his way around to the rear of the house, he glanced down at the mess he’d made of the front yard. Jared’s once pristine white linen shirts were draped over the bushes; his boxers were strewn across the lawn (some where even in the driveway); his navy, pin-striped suits were just wet clumps of material dotting the landscape. Jared’s colorful button downs were now dark with saturation.

He wanted to feel bad, but he didn’t.

When Jensen finally got to the back door, he ran his hands through his hair trying to slough off the excess water. He shook his arms off and then reached out to open the door. The knob didn’t turn.

“Oh, c’mon!” Jensen let out a curse. He, once again, didn’t have his keys. They were sitting upstairs on the nightstand where he’d put them before showering; his phone and wallet sat right next to them. Jensen leaned forward and banged his forehead against the door. “Really, could this day get any worse?”

Lightning flashed. Thunder growled.

Jensen glanced at his watch. It would be hours before Jared came home. He shivered as the relentless rain proceeded to soak him to the bone. The phrase ‘karma is a bitch’ echoed distantly in his head. He looked up at the windows. Jensen knew they were all locked this time around. His only option at this point was to walk to the neighbor’s house and use their phone. The question was, who would he call? Chris didn’t have a key—the man was probably working anyway and Jensen really didn’t want to keep bothering his friend—and Jared…well, he still refused to go there.

The sound of a car coming up the driveway pulled Jensen out of his thoughts.

“Now what?” he grumbled, just about at his wit's end.

He returned to the front of the house, denim sticking to his legs making walking rather uncomfortable; his t-shirt clung to him like a second skin. Jensen could only wonder at the impression he was going to make on whoever was stopping by for a visit.

“Oh, hell,” he muttered when he saw the Volvo.

Chad.

Jensen wondered if the man knew what was going on between him and Jared. He hoped not, but the moron and his husband were pretty tight.

Chad opened the car door and pushed a red and white umbrella out ahead of him. Jensen noticed that he had a large, plastic bag under his arm. The man hadn’t seen him yet. Instead, his eyes were on the contents of Jared’s wardrobe decorating the front yard. Jensen watched him as his gaze took in the scene. And then Chad caught sight of him.

“It’s a little late for spring cleaning, ain’t it?”

Jensen glanced at the mess again and then looked back at the other man. He moved away from the clothing trying to draw Chad’s attention away from it before he put things together and realized it was all Jared’s stuff that he was looking at. Chad might be a Neanderthal more often than not, but Jensen could acknowledge that the man wasn’t dumb.

“The, uh, window in the bedroom wasn’t latched properly; lost a basketful of laundry. That’s why I’m out here, to pick it up.” Jensen crouched down then and snagged up a shirt from the ground.

Chad eyed him. “Uh, huh. Then why’s it look like it’s all Jay’s shit?”

Bagged. _Dammit._

The younger man shifted whatever it was he had under his arm.

Jensen adjusted his weight off his right leg as he stood there—his knee was throbbing ever so slightly—and he squinted against the downpour. “What do you want, Chad? You know Jay’s never home during the day.”

Chad pulled his eyes up from where he was picking out each article of clothing, taking stock of the situation. “I don’t know what your problem is, Jen. Jay’s a good guy.” He shook his head with something akin to pity. “You’re fucking up a good thing.”

Jensen’s mouth tightened into a thin line; he folded his arms over his chest in a defensive posture. “Yeah, well, maybe he shouldn’t have fucked it up first.”

“Are you for real? What happened to you two? You guys were so perfect. You were so sweet on each other that it actually made my teeth hurt.” He stared at Jensen, but when Jensen didn’t answer he crossed the yard until he stopped in front of him. “Anyway, I told Jay I’d bring this back today. It’s fixed.” He handed Jensen the plastic-wrapped package from under his arm and then he turned to leave, but he hesitated and stopped.

Chad turned and looked at Jensen again. “You know, I never thought I’d say this out loud—or to your face—but you’re not who I thought you were.”— _Okay, that might have stung a little_ —“Jay, he’s worth so much more than this.” Chad gestured to the mess on the lawn. He started walking to his car then. When he reached it, he glanced at Jensen once more, features still tight. “One more thing…”

Jensen just barely kept himself from rolling his eyes; he wanted this conversation to come to an end…sooner rather than later. “What?” He could only imagine what else Chad had to say.

“He _does_ love you. I hope you know that, man.” With that, he got into his car, started it, and pulled away.

Jensen bristled. Clearly, Jared hadn’t told Chad about his affair with Matt. Jared had made Jensen out to look like the bad guy in all this. And of course Chad would take his side.

While Chad was lashing into Jensen, the rain had begun to let up. It was now just a light drizzle which he was thankful for because he still needed to get back into the house. Once he was able to put some dry clothes on, he'd take the car and go look for Sadie. Before Jensen moved, though, he looked down at the bag in his hand; his curiosity was getting the better of him. Whatever was in it was wrapped fairly well against the weather. He hefted the item and frowned as he stared at it. It looked a lot like…

Jensen untied the plastic handles of the bag and peeled back the protective layers underneath. The first thing he saw was the brushed metal finish…and then the Apple logo centered on the lid to the laptop. Jensen’s jaw fell open and then he snapped it shut. This was his computer. What the hell had Chad been doing with it? The man had said that it was ‘fixed’. What had happened to it in the first place? Was all of his work safe? Was his novel safe? Christ, he hoped so.

He found himself frowning in confusion then. Something about Chad having his laptop didn’t make sense. If Jared had done something to it as an act of revenge like Jensen had assumed, then why would he have brought it to Chad afterward? Had Jared done something and then had second thoughts about it? Jensen didn’t get it.

Still a bit perplexed, but knowing he was wasting time just standing there, Jensen wrapped the computer back up and turned toward the neighbor’s house. As he did, he tried to ignore the evidence of his most recent retaliation scattered all around him. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d jumped the gun on that one a little too quickly.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen knocked for a second time and rang the doorbell. He cupped his hand against the window next to the door and looked through it as he waited for one of the Bakers to answer. But there was nothing. He shouldn’t be surprised. It was the middle of a weekday after all. Everyone was at work.

He let out a sigh and looked up at the sky. Blue was finally starting to peek through the murky, gray clouds. Jensen could hear the _drip, drip_ of water trickling down the roof and into the gutters of house in front of him. Already, he could feel the humidity rising along with the temperature. His clothes were starting to feel as uncomfortable as ever.

All he needed was a phone. Was that too much to ask? He glanced down the street to the next house. The driveway was empty. That didn’t mean no one was home, but how many houses was he willing to go to? He looked like something the cat dragged in and he also didn’t really know anyone beyond the Bakers. Jensen was somewhat of a recluse aside from his family and very close circle of friends. Having a face that people still recognized several times a week did that to a person.

Jensen stood on the neighbor’s stoop debating on what to do next. As he stared down the road, he saw a familiar car coming toward him. He swallowed thickly when the dark Lincoln slowed down as it neared their driveway, left turn signal on.

Jared was home early.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not put a tag above warning of dub-con, but I will put a warning here for those of you who may have triggers. I have had both of my betas read over the 'scene' at the back end of this chapter and they, as well as me, agree that it is consensual. It's not forced. But I know there may be some of you out there who will consider it to be so.
> 
> Please be warned.

**~~ J ~ A ~ R ~ E ~ D ~~**

Jared had gone into the office early this morning with a busy—and somewhat brutal—schedule ahead of him. So far, his day had been filled with one monotonous meeting after another. He really and truly did love his job, but what he lived for were the trials, getting up in front of judge and jury and proving his case, not the mundane day in, day out pencil pushing. Sadly, he hadn’t done so well concentrating on things today and may or may not have pissed off some of his less-than-patient clients. Jared certainly wasn’t holding up to his new reputation as an attorney to be sought after.

In between the Parker and Garcia meetings, his intercom buzzed pulling his attention up from the merger contract Mr. Garcia was coming in to sign. It was Matt.

“What?” Jared answered curtly as he rubbed his thumb and forefinger against closed eyelids.

He really just didn’t want to be here. His concentration was off and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. But other things were going on as well. Mark had made sure to bring Jared up to speed when he’d walked through the front door at 7:30. Jared had barely had a chance to take off his jacket before the man was pulling him into his office and closing the door behind them.

Mark’s office was almost identical to Jeff’s. It was ultra-modern and sleek, mostly consisting of glass, brushed aluminum, and leather. Since his office was adjacent to Jeff’s, the large window at his back overlooked the bay as well. Jared had always liked his own office more than the senior partners’, even without the view. His own selection of furniture reflected his warmer, friendlier personality; where Jeff and Mark preferred glass, Jared had polished cherry and mahogany.

The older man took a seat behind his desk and sipped his tea. He cleared his throat and then proceeded to get right to the point. (Mark was never known to beat around the bush.) Apparently, during Jared’s absence yesterday, Jeff had reamed Matt for what had happened at the party. Mark’s words were more or less something along the lines of: “Our Jeffy-boy sat the little pillock down and gave him a verbal arse whoopin’. You best be prepared. He’s been a crabby bugger ever since.”

Jared had laughed off the drunken kiss when it had happened, but he’d been less than pleased about it. Matt had overstepped the line…again. It had been a while—Jared had thought his last talk with the other man had stuck—but clearly Matt, in his drunkenness, had decided Jared’s warnings came with an expiration date. He would have to remember to thank Jeff when he saw him again, even if he had to deal with a brooding paralegal in the interim.

“Ms. Watson’s on the phone.” Matt’s voice was tinny through the speaker, but Jared could still hear the standoffishness.

He rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, not because of Matt’s moodiness, but because of who was on the line.

Ms. Miranda Watson was the owner of BioCorp, was recently divorced, and she had a ‘thing’ for Jared; everyone at the office knew it. She was the definition of a cougar…the prowling variety. Never mind that she knew Jared was gay (and out); never mind that Jared was happily married (well, maybe not so much right now); never mind that Ms. Watson was old enough to be his mother. She wanted to sink her claws into Jared. The woman used every excuse in the book to get her overly-manicured hands on him.

Jared knew he was halfway decent looking—he kept in shape, ate healthy—but he could never get used to people eying him, _wanting_ him. He wondered how Jensen did it. After all, Jensen had been in the entertainment business for years: modeling on and off since he was a kid and then getting lucky a few years back with that acting gig. To this day, when people (both men and women) recognized Jensen, they’d get all rubbery in the knees. Somehow, his husband just shrugged it off.

“You want me to find out what she wants?” Matt’s voice broke into Jared’s attempt at mentally preparing himself for the phone call.

“What? No. No, I’ve got it.” He picked up the receiver and pushed the blinking red light on his phone. He may as well get the call over with. “Ms. Watson…”

Forty-five minutes later, Jared hung up the phone. He sat back in his chair and shook his head in disbelief as he stared down at the receiver. The whole point of the phone call was that Ms. Watson had needed to reschedule their afternoon meeting. But before she got to that point, she droned on and on and on about…nothing. Now Jared had to face an irritated Mr. Garcia who had been pacing outside his office for the last half hour waiting to meet with him.

But at least now Jared was free for the afternoon. Once he buttoned things up with Garcia, he could take off. Jeff was still stuck down in L.A.—he’d be back late this afternoon or early evening depending on how long he was needed—but Mark was in-house today and Matt could take care of Jared’s menial tasks. He wanted to get home and work on this ‘Jensen’ thing that was going on.

✽  ✽  ✽

In the hour and a half it took Jared to drive home—the highway had been backed up due to the severe weather conditions and it had taken twice as long as usual to get back to Los Altos from San Francisco—he’d decided he wasn’t going to bed tonight without Jensen by his side. No. Matter. What. Jared wasn’t going to let this situation drag on.

His eyebrows rose up to his forehead when he parked the car in front of their house. The farther south he’d gotten, the more he could see that the storm had taken its toll on the area; branches littered the roads and there had been some minor flooding. But…what the hell was all over their front lawn?

Jared grabbed his briefcase (it was his old one, but it worked as well as the one Jensen had so kindly thrown into the pool) and got out of the car. He walked to the edge of the grass, his eyes sweeping the scene before him.

“Jensen, so help me…” he growled when he recognized the articles of clothing. Thousands of dollars’ worth of suits lay in ruin. His goddamn underwear were out for public viewing; his socks, his jeans, and what looked like every shirt he owned were wet, sodden lumps of cotton, polyester, and silk. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Jensen was going through a mid-life crisis. The man was out of control.

Jared turned and headed up to the front door. He went to walk inside, but the door was locked. At the rate Jensen was going, Jared wouldn’t have been surprised to learn the locks had been changed, but they hadn’t been. The door swung open as he unlocked it and stepped inside. Jared went straight to his office where he tossed his briefcase and suit jacket onto the couch before going back out to gather up the sopping mess that was his wardrobe. After, he was going to find his husband and put an end to this once and for all.

On his third trip out, Jared was just picking up the last of his t-shirts when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He stood up from where he had been crouched down and turned toward the disturbance. It was Jensen.

The man was drenched, short bangs pasted down to his forehead. His shirt and jeans clung to his body like a second skin, enhancing every muscle he swore he didn’t have. He held a plastic bag protectively up against his chest and he had a scowl on his face. Their eyes met for a brief moment before the older man turned away and limped into the house.

Jared lifted an eyebrow. He wasn’t even going to try to come up with an explanation for what he’d just seen.

✽  ✽  ✽

After Jared tossed a load of his drier-friendly clothing into the drier (he’d have to take his suits and silk shirts to the dry cleaners tomorrow to see if they could be salvaged), he stalked off in search of his husband.

The first place he looked was Jensen’s study. The room was empty except for Sherlock who always seemed like he was glued to the back of the couch. The Abyssinian opened its dark green eyes and blinked at him. A moment later they closed again. Jared’s nose wrinkled slightly; he could still smell the beer he’d spilt the day before. In his rush to salvage Jensen’s computer, all he’d been able to do was leave the window open to air the room out. When he’d gotten back from Chad’s, he’d done his best to clean up the mess, but he hadn’t been able to get the smell completely out of the room.

Jared glanced at Jensen’s desk. He wondered if Chad had been able to fix his husband’s computer. He hadn’t heard from his friend since leaving the man’s house yesterday.

His cell phone chimed then, breaking into the lonely quiet of the room, and his hand automatically went to his pocket to pull it out. Jared glanced at the screen and saw a new text from Chad. It was as if the man had known he’d been thinking about him.

“ _dude, Jensen’s pissed at u”_

Jared stared at the message. _Like I don’t know that already_. Obviously, Chad had been to the house to drop off Jensen’s laptop.

He typed back, _“u think?”_

_“don’t u think purple boxers with pink hearts on them are a bit girlie?”_

Jared felt a blush rising up on his cheeks. It was a combination of embarrassment and anger. _“bite me. u fix the computer?”_

_“all set, hombre. ur good”_

_“thx. I owe u one”_

_“if u survive the wrath of Jensen, u can take me out for a beer”_

Jared smirked and turned off his phone. At least he knew Jensen’s computer was okay. He turned and left the room. As he walked down the hallway toward their bedroom, Jared knew he was going to have to explain to his husband how Chad had ended up with his laptop. That was going to be interesting. But first Jensen was going to have to explain  _everything_ else.

The door to their room was closed when he reached it and Jared knocked. “Jen?”

No answer.

Jared turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly. He peeked around it; Jensen was nowhere in sight, but then the sound of the shower running caught his attention.

His gaze moved over the room as he stood there in the doorway feeling almost like he was trespassing in his own bedroom. He spied a pile of wet clothes on the floor by the bathroom door and then caught sight of the man’s Mac sitting on the bed, an empty plastic bag beside it. Jared remembered seeing his husband holding something in a bag protectively against his chest when he’d stalked, or rather limped— _what had that been all about?_ —into the house; now he knew what it had been.

Well, he’d give the man his dignity and let him get cleaned up. Jensen _had_ been looking pretty rough when he had last seen him. In the meantime, Jared would feed Sadie and let her out, and maybe grab a bite to eat himself considering he’d skipped lunch and had driven straight home from the office.

Jared slipped out of the room and closed the door quietly behind him. He hadn’t seen Sadie on the way in, but she could have been napping in any one of the many rooms in the house.

“Sadie!” he called out as he jogged down the stairs to the foyer.

There was no clatter of nails on the hardwood racing through the house, no soft _woofs_ acknowledging his call.

“Sadie! C’mon, girl! Time to eat!” Jared called again as he headed toward the kitchen. He opened the food bin and measured out a serving of dog food. The sound of the dry food being poured into the metal dish would normally have Sadie running and yet there was no sound of the dog.

Jared frowned becoming slightly worried. “Sadie?” He strode to the back door and went outside. Maybe Jensen had left her in her pen. God, he hoped not. Sadie hated thunderstorms.

Jared reached the fenced-in area and opened the gate. “Sadie, girl? You in there?” he called out as he approached her dog house. Nothing.

_What the hell?_

He picked up his pace as he headed back into the house, kitchen door slamming loudly behind him as he made his way back upstairs. This time he barged into the bedroom without knocking. Jensen was just pulling on a pair of jeans.

“Where’s Sadie?” Jared demanded. He automatically knew something was up when Jensen’s fury-darkened eyes widened and the man’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. “What did you do with my dog?” Jared’s tone was low and accusatory, laced with both anger and fear.

Jensen blinked, fingers stilling on the zipper of his pants. His gaze found Jared’s. For a brief second, Jared thought he saw the old Jensen in those moss-green eyes, but then they turned hard again.

“Jen, please tell me you didn’t do something to Sadie. You may hate me, but-”

“Hey, don’t come in here jumping down my damn throat,” Jensen snapped back, cutting him short. “She took off when I went to let her in.”

“You mean she’s out there somewhere?” Jared’s voice rose as he thought about his dog running around loose. “Jensen, how could you…?” He was speechless. “You couldn’t have said anything? What, you just came in here and decided to take a shower like nothing’s wrong?”

Jensen shot him a cold look then and Jared had to keep his eyes off the other man’s bare chest as it rose and fell with every breath he took. “I was gonna go look for her, but… You know what? Forget it. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.”

Jensen finished zipping up his jeans and fastened the button. He grabbed a t-shirt off the bed then, tugged it down over his head and threaded his arms through the sleeves. He ran his fingers through the short spikes of his hair.

“I’ll help you look for her, but don’t for one minute think this changes anything between you,” he pointed at Jared, then to himself, “and me.” He stuffed his feet into a pair of sneakers then brusquely pushed past Jared and walked out of the room.

Jared turned and quickly followed Jensen back down the stairs. He grabbed Sadie’s leash from the coat closet on the way out the front door. They immediately split up and headed in opposite directions: Jared going up the street; Jensen down the street. Jared could hear Jensen calling Sadie’s name behind him as they walked farther and farther away from each other; his husband’s voice sounded worried. Jared silently berated himself for allowing himself to think that the man would ever intentionally do something to hurt Sadie.

As Jared was calling out and scanning their neighbors' yards for any sign of Sadie, a car pulled up alongside him and stopped. The window rolled down. A young girl was driving and she leaned across the passenger seat, peering up at him.

“Are you looking for a dog?” she asked. Her eyes darted to the leash Jared had coiled around his hand then back up to his eyes.

“Yeah.” Jared crouched down, hands on his knees, so he could see her better. “I’m guessin’ you’ve seen her?”

“I saw what looked like a brown Shepherd mix running around two blocks back…near that house with the duck pond out front,” she thumbed back over her shoulder, pointing further down the road. “Yours?”

Jared smiled with relief. He knew which house she was talking about. “It is. Thanks!”

“Good luck.”

Jared nodded and took off down the sidewalk at a jog. And sure enough, there was Sadie looking petrified, tail between her legs as she hunkered down near some bushes.

“Sadie!” Jared’s heart leapt in his chest as he hurried over to his dog. She immediately perked up at the sound of his voice and ran over to him, tail wagging. He dropped to his knees in the wet grass, not caring that his pants were getting soiled, and held his arms out.

As Jared pulled his soggy dog into a hug, he clipped the leash onto her collar. Now that he had found her, he wasn’t going to take any more chances. “Y’okay, girl? Daddy missed you.” Sadie woofed and started licking Jared’s face causing him to laugh.

“Yeah, I know. Rough day, huh?” He stood back up. “C’mon. Let’s get you home. You’ve got a bowl of food waiting for you.”

Before heading back, Jared pulled his phone out and sent a quick text to Jensen letting him know Sadie had been found.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen tried to disappear as soon as they got back to the house. Jared wasn’t going to go for that. He had sworn to himself that this ‘thing’ was going to get straightened out tonight and he was going to hold true to his word, if only for his own sanity.

“Jen!” he called out when he noticed the other man making a beeline for the stairs.

Jared saw Jensen’s fingers tighten on the railing as he halted in his steps. The man turned to glare at Jared. “I’m busy. And if that’s not specific enough, I’m going upstairs to see what you and Chad screwed up on my computer.” He turned to head up the stairs once more.

“Your computer’s fine. I swear.” For a second time, Jensen stopped in his tracks. Jared spoke quickly because it didn’t look like his husband was planning on sticking around. “Look, Jen-”

“Save it,” Jensen snapped out abrasively, effectively cutting him off. And then he pivoted on his heel and started up the steps again.

Jared closed the distance between the two of them before Jensen could get away and snagged the man by the back of his shirt; they both stumbled slightly on the steps. He didn’t expect the older man to react like he did. The next thing he knew, Jensen whirled around on him and pushed him up against the wall. Jared was caught off-balance, one foot on the same step as his husband, the other barely catching on the step below them.

Jensen had never laid a hand on Jared before…ever. Although Jared should have found himself startled, his cock seemed to be taking it otherwise. (Apparently, he had a newfound kink.) He sagged back against the wall as Jensen leaned into him. His husband’s emerald eyes were piercing, fierce even.

“Jen…” The word fell quietly from Jared’s lips as he waited for Jensen to do whatever he was going to do to him.

At that one word, something changed in Jensen’s eyes. He blinked as his fingers moved up curling around Jared’s tie, and then he tugged Jared forward.

Suddenly, Jensen’s lips were sealed over Jared’s. Jared’s eyes widened at the unexpected ferocity of the kiss. His husband’s tongue swept over his lips, searching desperately for entrance, and Jared opened to him.

Jared let out a low moan when he felt Jensen’s knee tuck up between his legs, pressing against his hardening length. His husband’s fingers moved down, deftly unfastening Jared’s pants, hand slipping behind the elastic to his boxer briefs.

“Jesus, Jen,” he groaned out as they pulled away for air momentarily. He could feel his dick twitch in anticipation, the precum already leaking from it. And then he found himself being manhandled, face-first, down onto the stairs. His suit pants and briefs were yanked down unexpectedly. Jared could feel the prickle of goose bumps as his bare ass was exposed to the air and his husband’s eyes.

“Stay,” Jensen growled out, voice gravelly.

When Jared looked over his shoulder, he didn’t see Jensen anywhere. He leaned down and pressed his forehead onto the step in front of him. _What the hell are we doing?_ This whole thing that was going on? It didn’t make any sense.

Before he could let his mind wander much further, Jared heard Jensen’s footsteps come up behind him once more. He went to turn to see what was going on, but stopped with a gasp when he felt lube-slicked fingers sliding down the crease of his ass. They circled his hole, then slid down along his perineum and brushed lightly against his balls.

“What-?” He went to look over his shoulder again, but Jensen pushed him down with his free hand.

Jared suddenly felt Jensen’s body heat as the man lay over him, chest to back. “Just…stay.” The words were breathed into Jared’s left ear, causing him to shiver.

Jared jumped and let out a low moan when a finger pushed deeply into his puckered entrance, crooking inside and slipping over his prostate. His breath caught in his chest and his fingers lost their hold on the step making him slip as he attempted to still. He let out another groan when a second finger joined the first, slip/sliding in and out, scissoring and stretching him, prepping him for Jensen’s thick cock.

“Jesus, Jen…” he let out something akin to a mewl as the other man pressed over that sensitive bundle of nerves again.

Jared could hear the sound of a zipper being lowered, then the _whoosh_ of material as his husband’s jeans pooled at his feet. Instinct had him straining to look over his shoulder once more, but a strong hand gripped the nape of his neck and held him in place.

“I said, _stay_.”

Jensen’s fingers suddenly pulled away and Jared moaned at the loss, only to nearly swoon as his husband’s length pushed into him too quickly, the man’s balls slapping up against the flesh of his ass. Jensen pulled back and thrust forward again. Jared could feel his knees scuffing on the carpet runner on the stairs; he was going to have some massive rug burn when they were done, but he didn’t care. He was more than a little turned on by his husband’s actions right now.

“Shit…” Jared tried to brace himself. The muscles in his arms and legs flexed and strained as he tried to maintain some sort of balance between steadying himself and pushing back into Jensen’s pistoning hips. He groaned, feeling the older man’s fingers digging into his skin keeping him in place and under control.

Jensen seemed to be on some sort of mission. He wasn’t there to give Jared pleasure. He didn’t touch Jared aside from the tight hold he had on his hips. His pace picked up and the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the large foyer along with Jared’s grunts and Jensen’s deep moans. All too soon, Jensen’s pace stuttered and then slowed. He groaned as he gave two more deep thrusts and came. A hand slid up under Jared's shirt, fingers brushing over the knobs of his spine; they skidded to a stop on his lower back. Jensen didn’t pull out right away. He remained where he was until he was able to catch his breath.

Jared hadn’t gotten off, hadn’t even come close. He fell to his forearms as Jensen pulled out without any warning. He felt empty in more ways than one as his husband quietly backed away and re-dressed. Jared didn’t move as Jensen stepped around him, continuing his original route up the stairs.

“I hope you enjoyed it,” Jensen said as he passed by—Jared could swear he heard the other man’s voice crack just slightly—“because that’s the last time you’re gonna get that.”

Jared watched the man’s back as he disappeared from sight. _No. That right there? That’s just not gonna happen._ He turned around and pulled up his pants. He winced when he felt some of Jensen’s cum leaking from his ass, but there wasn’t time for any clean up.

Once his pants were properly on, Jared stood and bolted up the stairs. The bedroom door was closed to him and he reached down to open it, but this time it was locked—Jensen really needed to stop locking the doors on him. It was as if the man feared the inevitable confrontation, the conversation that they needed to have. Jared couldn’t fathom what Jensen could be scared of.

“Goddammit, Jensen! Open the door! You’re not gonna just do something like that and walk away!” He banged on the door, but there was no answer. He’d be crazy if he truly expected one. Jared dropped his forehead to the wood paneling and closed his eyes. “Jen, please…,” His hands came up and rested on the door beside his head, fingers curling in on themselves, “if any part of you still loves me, you’ll let me in so we can fix this…please.”

Jared felt tears pooling in his eyes as he stood there…waiting.

Minutes passed. No answer came.

He spun, putting his back to the door and looked up at the ceiling, eyes stinging from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. Slowly, his body sagged to the floor until he was sitting.

“Fine, you win,” he whispered, knowing Jensen wouldn’t hear the words. He’d sign the damn papers if that’s what the man wanted. It would break his heart to do so, but it was plain as day Jensen didn’t want him anymore. The man had made up his mind and it seemed like there was no talking him out of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**~~ J ~ E ~ N ~ S ~ E ~ N ~~**

Jensen pulled the pillow over his head trying to shut out Jared’s pleas.

He couldn’t believe what he’d just done, taking Jared like that. Something animalistic had taken over—some basal instinct—and he had wanted to put Jared in his place. He hadn’t planned it. It just…happened. Jensen had lost it and shoved the younger man up against the wall and then he’d felt it…Jared’s arousal, as screwed up as that was.  _W_ _ho got turned on by something like that?_ Jared should have tried to kick his ass for doing that…something other than just…taking it.

And now here he was, _hiding_ , as a broken and pleading Jared pounded on the door wanting to be let in, wanting to _talk_. He couldn’t face Jared, not after that. Jensen clenched his pillow tighter over his ears. So what if he suffocated himself; he deserved it after... _that_. Tears soaked into the pillow as he lay there trying to put himself somewhere else.

Eventually, the noise outside the door subsided and all became quiet.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen had fallen into a restless sleep. He awoke sometime later and dragged himself out of bed, stumbling half asleep into the bathroom to empty his bladder. While he was there, he took a quick shower; the hot water sluicing over his shoulders did nothing to alleviate the residual guilt of his earlier actions.

When he stepped out and started to towel himself off, he saw that his hands were shaking. What he’d done earlier, it was no better than what Jared had done. Actually, it was worse, a million times worse. He had basically… _raped_ his husband. And Jared had allowed him to do it, hadn’t even lifted a finger to fight him off. As he stood there, Jensen couldn’t bring himself to look at his reflection in the mirror. He knew what he’d see: a monster. Only a monster could do the things he'd done.

He left the bathroom with a sigh, tossing the used towel into the hamper on the way out, and went to his dresser to get some fresh clothes. As he was tugging on his second sock, he heard a soft, scratching noise at the bedroom door and looked up. Then there was a tiny _meow._ He glanced at the bedside clock and saw that it was already after 8:00 p.m. _Crap_. Sherlock was probably starving. At the thought of food, Jensen’s stomach rumbled, reminding him that he himself hadn’t had a proper meal in more than twenty-four hours. (The dry toast and orange juice Chris had served him that morning hadn’t gone far.) He smoothed a hand through his hair straightening it out some as he got up and crossed the room.

Jensen flicked the lock on the door and slowly opened it. The hallway was empty, all except for Sherlock. Jared was nowhere to be seen—that should only be expected after Jensen had shut him out; another spark of guilt burst through him and he closed his eyes. The cat sauntered over the threshold and slithered around Jensen’s legs, rubbing up against him with a steady purr.

Jensen’s attention was pulled away from thoughts of Jared for the moment and he looked down at the cat. “Sorry, bud. It sort of sucks that you and Sadie are gettin’ caught up in all this. C’mon, let’s go get somethin’ to eat.”

✽  ✽  ✽

The house was too quiet, feeling empty without Jared’s usual buoyant laughter echoing through its halls. Jensen silently padded down the stairs to the first floor, Sherlock racing ahead of him, long tail curling up in the air.

He walked into the kitchen and flipped on the lights. The first thing he did was go to the cabinet to take out a can of cat food. He peeled back the lid and scooped the wet food onto a dish. Once Sherlock was taken care of and was happily working on filling his stomach, Jensen pulled the refrigerator door open and searched for something that might satisfy his own hunger. There wasn’t much on the shelves. Normally, they would be scheduled to go grocery shopping tomorrow, but well…

Nothing he found seemed all that appealing. He was hungry—starving almost—but his gut twisted any time his mind wandered back to earlier today. In the end, he grabbed a package of deli-style ham and some cheese from the drawer and then sat down on a stool at the breakfast counter where he proceeded to roll them up together and eat them plain.

As he sat there chewing, his gaze fell to the far side of the granite countertop where a manila envelope rested. The sight of it caused him to stop chewing. Jensen quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe his fingers off and then reached over to snatch the envelope up from the counter.

His fingers shook as he stared down at what he held in his hands. _Did Jared really do it?_

Jensen thumbed the cheap metal clasp at the top of the envelope and folded back the flap. He reached in and pulled out the documents.

And there, at the very bottom, was Jared’s signature.

Jared had signed the papers granting Jensen the divorce he’d so adamantly demanded. He should be happy, thrilled even. He could put this chapter of his life behind him and move on. But why, then, did it feel so utterly wrong?

 _Why hadn’t Jared put up more of a fight?_ He should have. At least that’s what Jensen thought.

He blinked to clear his suddenly stinging eyes, but his lashes were already thick with tears. One spilled down his cheek; it splashed onto the paper landing in the middle of Jared’s signature. Jensen tried to wipe it away, but only succeeded in smudging the ink.

Shit.

Fuck.

This isn’t right.

He suddenly felt sick.

Jensen pushed off his stool, sending it toppling to the floor with a clatter, and just barely made it to the bathroom before the meager contents of his stomach were upended for the second time that day. _So much for dinner._ He remained there, forehead resting on the cool porcelain, trying to figure out what had happened to his life. It might not have been perfect—both Jared and he had very demanding careers and they were both only human—but, in the end, they always had each other.

A few minutes passed and Jensen pushed up from the floor; he felt raw, right down to the the marrow of his bones. This time, he _did_ look at himself in the mirror. What he saw was only a shell of his former self; he looked empty…hollow. Jensen felt like half of his soul was missing. He made a decision then. He was going to talk to his husband, put everything out there on the table—starting with the biggest apology ever—and see how Jared responded. It was what he should have done in the first place; he cursed himself for being so utterly stupid and pig-headed. Jared would either confess or…not. Maybe then Jensen could figure out what was wrong with this whole picture, why it felt so… _not right_ …aside from the fact that it was a divorce from someone he thought he could love forever.

After he rinsed out his mouth and pulled himself together as best as he could, Jensen headed upstairs to the guest room where he figured he’d most likely find Jared already bedded down for the night. The door was open and he reached in to turn on the light. “Jay-” His words halted in his mouth when he saw that the bed was empty. As a matter of fact, it was still neatly made. Jensen left the room and searched the rest of the house in a rush. Every room turned up just as empty. Even Sadie was missing.

Jensen opened the front door to the house and stepped out onto the stoop. He was immediately surrounded by the chorus of crickets; the sound of traffic could be heard off in the distance. His heart felt like it pitter-pattered to a stop as he stared out into the driveway. The only car in the circle of light from the security lamps was Jensen’s Mercedes.

Jared was gone.

Jensen spun and ran back into the house. He had no idea how much of a head start his husband had or where he might have gone. There was just no way to know. It would be a fruitless effort to get in his car and start driving. He ran back upstairs, ignoring the lingering pain in his knee, to retrieve his cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Jared’s number almost before the screen came to life.

The phone didn’t even so much as ring. Instead, Jensen’s call went straight to Jared’s voicemail. “Dammit!” he cursed in frustration. He should have known better than to expect otherwise. Jared should be hating on him in the worst way possible right about now. But now that he had his mind set on it, Jensen needed to talk to the man.

He thumbed through his list of contacts. There were two people Jared could possibly run to: either Jeff or Chad. Jensen debated for a few moments on which of the men to call first and finally settled on Chad. Chad lived closer and just made more sense. Whether Jensen liked it or not, he was Jared’s ‘go-to’ person when Jared needed an outlet that wasn’t Jensen.

He pressed the ‘Call’ button. His call was answered after three rings.

“What?” The word was snapped rudely through the line. Clearly, Chad knew it was him. _The wonders of caller I.D._ , Jensen thought to himself.

“Hey, Chad, is...is Jay there?” He tried not to sound too desperate, but he wasn’t sure if he accomplished the simple task.

“You know, you were a real dick today, man. I don’t even know why I bothered to answer the phone.”

Jensen let out an exasperated sigh. He didn’t have time to deal with the run around. “Can you just tell him I need to talk to him?”

There was a long pause and then, “He’s not here.”

“How do I know you’re not lying?”

“You don’t. But he’s not.”

There was an undertone of abhorrence in Chad’s words and Jensen did his best to ignore it. “Well, do you at least know where he is?”

“The hell if I know; I’m not his sitter.”

Jensen barely suppressed a growl then. Why he'd ever thought Chad would be of any help... “Yeah, okay. But if you hear from him-”

“I’ll tell him you called. Yeah, I got it.”

“Thanks, Chad.”

“Whatever.” The line clicked off. The younger man was probably never going to forgive Jensen for doing what he’d done to his best friend. Chad had always been unnaturally overprotective of Jared like that. It was one of the only things Jensen had ever liked about the guy.

Jensen scrolled further down his contact list and stopped at Jeff’s name. He hated to pull Jared’s boss into this, but Jared _was_ good friends with the man…they both were; although, that may not be the case anymore.

“Morgan,” a gruff voice finally answered after several rings.

“Jeff, it’s Jensen.” There was a long span of silence from the other end of the line. “Jeff?”

“I’m here, but you know I shouldn’t be talking to you.”

That was true. Jeff was Jared’s attorney…conflict of interest and all.

“I know...but is he there?”

“Who, Jared?”

“Yeah. He, uh…left.”

“I hate to bring this up, Jen, but isn’t that what you wanted? You were looking for a divorce after all. That’s basically the definition of one right there. Why do you care now where he is?”

“I screwed up. I thought…” Jensen didn't finish the sentence. He really didn’t want to talk about this with Jeff.

“You thought what?”

Jensen cleared his throat, making an attempt at retreating from the looming conversation. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit, Jensen! Something had you chompin’ at the bit for a quick divorce. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one drawn up so fast.”

“It’s nothing, Jeff. Really.”

“Uh, huh. Nothing… Right. You just keep tellin’ yourself that. You have to remember who you’re talking to here, Jensen, and since you don’t seem to be in the mood for sharing, I’ll share a little something with you instead: I know why you filed for the divorce. I’ve known for some time what’s been going on between you and Matt, how you two feel about each other, especially him. You have to remember, just because Jared is inclined to see most of the world through rose-tinted glasses and hasn’t picked up on it yet doesn’t mean others haven’t.”

Jensen made to reply, but was cut off when Jeff muttered a curse under his breath. “Hang on for a second.” He heard the phone being set down before he could answer and then what sounded like a distant door being shut. A few brief seconds later, Jeff was back on the line. “Anyway, as I was starting to say, you gotta drop the whole ‘Green-eyed Monster’ act; it’s unbecoming of you. Matt’s shameless at times—I know—and he likes to push peoples’ buttons, especially yours. Sometimes I think you make things too easy for him.”

Jensen leaned against the banister, elbows propped up on the polished wood. He ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair and sighed. “Jay sure as hell didn’t look like he was fightin’ what happened the other day,” he finally muttered in response. He was still sure of what he saw…mostly.

“Jensen, c’mon…” Jeff was starting to sound irritated. Sometimes Jensen felt like the guy came off more as a father than a friend. “Stop being so stupid about this. Jared would never cheat on you. You _know_ that. He laughed it off because Matt was drunk and he also didn’t want to make a big deal out of it in front of everyone. Jared's a professional; he knows when to not make a scene. If you’re gonna go filing for divorce every time someone pulls a stunt like that, yeah, maybe you should just let Jared go, for his sake at least.”

“Jeff…” Jensen grit out from between clenched teeth, not liking where the man was taking this.

“Just shut the hell up and listen, will you. Tell me, when was the last time you saw Matt getting handsy with Jared?” Jeff’s deep voice was steady as he posed the question.

Jensen rubbed a hand over his mouth; his brow furrowed as he tried to remember. The sad thing was he couldn’t. He’d been to the office on several occasions during the last month or so, but every time he’d been there, Jared was hard at work in his office—alone—and Matt had been at his own desk, not sidling up next to Jared like he was trying to get into bed with him.

“That’s right. Your husband had a hard talk with him a while back, put him in his place. Matt sulked for a while, but he’s kept his distance from Jared ever since…well, until the other day. If it makes you feel any better, _I_ gave Matthew a good talkin’ to after what just happened; I assure you, it won’t happen again. I’ll tell you, if he wasn’t my sister’s kid…” Jeff didn’t finish the thought, but left it open for Jensen’s own interpretation.

Jensen should have felt relieved, but instead he felt a tear slip down his cheek. His own stubborn pride had made him act like a fool. He’d given Jared an ultimatum, treated him as if they hadn’t been building a life together for these past eight years; he had been too stubborn to tell Jared what had been bothering him—too stubborn to give the man a chance to explain things—even after all of his husband’s begging, and now he was one signature away from a _divorce_. The word sounded so final.

“I think you need to find your boy and get on your knees.”

“W-what?” Jensen stammered out at the man’s words.

“Shit, not like that…even though that probably wouldn’t hurt.” Jeff snorted a laugh.

“But he’s gone. I don’t know where he went, Jeff.” Jensen’s fingers tightened their grasp around the railing.

“I’m sure he just went somewhere to think about things. You broke his heart doing what you did. I know it hurts to hear that, but you know it’s true; I’m not going to sugarcoat it. He’ll turn up eventually.”

“But he signed them.” The words came out on a sob. “He signed the papers, Jeff. I did something unforgivable today and he…did it. – Christ, Jeff, if you had just told me… You could have even said something to Jay. Why _didn’t_ you say something?”

“Dammit,” Jeff mumbled to himself and then let out a long and heavy sigh. “Jensen, marriage isn’t easy, not by any means—lord knows my first marriage wasn't all unicorns and rainbows—but I thought you two were capable of working this thing out—I’ve never seen two people as tight as you two are—but you have to understand, it’s not my place to get in the middle of my employees’ marital problems, even if they are my friends. There’s a professional line I can’t cross. But...” There was another muffled curse and Jeff’s voice fell away.

“What, Jeff?”

“I didn’t expect Jared to actually give you the damn divorce. If I’d’ve known…” Jensen could swear he heard guilt in the other man’s voice then. “I guess he’s not quite as stubborn as he seems…or he just loves you too much.”

Anything Jensen had been about to say slipped from his mind at Jeff’s last words. _Jared had granted him the divorce because he loved him too much?_ Could that really be? If that was the case, that meant he still had a chance. That small glimpse of hope could almost make him forgive Jeff for keeping mum the whole time. Jensen understood the older man’s position. Jeff was a businessman first and foremost; he had certain rules and guidelines he had to follow. But Jensen couldn’t help but feel slighted. The man had chosen business over a friendship that had years behind it.

Jensen had gotten lost in his thoughts and Jeff broke the silence that had resulted because of it. “I know it’s a little late, but I’m sorry it’s gone this far. I’ll see what I can do on my end. Maybe I can get in touch with Jared and at least get him to go home. You two really need to sit down and talk. There’s still time. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to be filing those papers first thing in the morning.”

No truer words were said. “Just see if you can find him, Jeff.” Jensen ended the call without anything further and just stared at the dark screen for a full minute. He was still reeling from the revelations of the last ten minutes. The screen suddenly lit up, causing Jensen to almost drop the phone. Chris’ name came up on the caller I.D.

Jensen took a steadying breath and answered. “Chris.”

“You never called. Y’okay?”

So much had happened since Jensen had last spoken to Chris. He’d actually forgotten his promise to the man. “Sorry about that. Fell asleep.”

“All day?”

“Something like that.”

“So, did you two pretty boys make up yet or what?” Country music could be heard over Chris’ voice. The bar sounded rowdy tonight. Jensen didn’t know how his friend could deal with that kind of environment every night.

“No. But can we talk about this later? I’m tired. I just want to go to bed.”

“Jenny, you just said you slept all day. Do you want me to come over?” The man knew him too well; he could read Jensen like an open book.

“It wouldn’t help anything. He left, Chris. Jay’s gone. He signed the papers and he left. He won’t answer my calls. I called Jeff and Chad, and neither of them have heard from him. I…I just don’t know what to do. I did this Chris. It’s my fault.”

“Shit. I told you that you were a damn idiot. You should’ve listened to me.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Jensen grumbled into the phone.

“Hey, if I didn’t tell you, who would? Anyway, look, Steve’s here; I’m gonna come over for a while. You don’t have to talk about it, but I think you need someone there with you.”

Jensen could argue until he was blue in the face, but he knew Chris would still do what he thought was necessary. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“Be there in twenty.”

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen took the time to change into something more comfortable: jogging pants and one of Jared’s old t-shirts. When he was done, he still had a few minutes to spare until Chris got there. He took the time to send Jared a text: _“pls come home. i'm sorry.”_ Jensen knew Jared probably wouldn’t get the message since his phone was turned off, but the least he could do was try.

Headlights passed the bedroom window, reflecting on the far wall of the room, and Jensen pulled the curtain aside to see who it was. He knew it was Chris, but it couldn’t hurt to hope that it was Jared.

Jensen sat down on the bed and tossed his phone aside. He leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his hands over his face. He was exhausted. He also felt ten years older than he had just the other day. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Finally admitting it, huh,” Chris kidded as he walked into the room and sat down beside Jensen.

Jensen straightened up from his slouch and looked over at his friend. “I think I might’ve messed up the best thing in my life. God, Chris, I was wrong about everything and…and now he's gone.” He broke off, too choked up to say more.

Chris gave him a sympathetic look with those liquid blue eyes and wrapped an arm around him, tugging him into his side; Jensen sagged into the embrace, his cheek brushing up against the soft flannel of the man’s shirt, and accepted the gentle kiss to the crown of his head. For such a loud and outgoing guy, Chris knew when to lower the volume. Jensen closed his eyes, feeling tears trying to surface again.

“Things’ll be okay, Jenny. Jay’ll come around,” Chris whispered. “You know better than me that he would never just leave you, not that easily anyway.” The words were soothing as they washed over Jensen.

Jensen knew he had to get himself together before he had a major meltdown in front of his friend; he used the few silent minutes that passed between them to try to do so. He pulled away from Chris after a while and wiped the remnants of tears from his eyes. “I…yeah,” he said hesitantly with a nod.

His friend gave him a tentative smile then. “Hey, why don’t we go down to the media room and watch something manly; it’ll take your mind off things for a little while. I brought beer.” The older man grinned and playfully jabbed Jensen in the ribs with an elbow as he shifted to give Jensen some space. “What do you say?”

Jensen couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s attempt to rouse him from his funk, but how could he let himself kick back with a beer while Jared was god only knew where?

“C’mon," Chris insisted. "You need to de-stress so when he _does_ come back you have a clearer head about things.”

Jensen looked down at a spot on the floor between his socked feet. Remorse was swimming through his veins, but he knew Chris was probably right. Maybe he would benefit from a breather. “Yeah, alright; we could do that. You go ahead down. I just have something I wanna do first.”

Chris patted Jensen on the knee as he stood up from his perch on the edge of the bed. “I’ll get some popcorn going. Take your time; I’ve got all night and then some.”

Jensen waited until Chris walked out the door and disappeared down the hallway before picking up his phone from the middle of the bed. He dialed Jared’s number again and waited for the voicemail to pick up.

“Hey…it’s me. But you know that already, right? Listen, I know I screwed up…pretty royally, I guess. I should have talked to you before…” He trailed off, not knowing where he was going with this. “Anyway, I, uh, spoke to Jeff tonight and he sorta put me in my place. He pretty much told me if I can’t deal with my issues, I should just let you go. But Jay, I can’t. I don’t want to let you go. I’m…sorry…so, so sorry, Jay.” Jensen’s words were getting stuck in his too tight throat, but he had to finish. “God, I miss you… _us_. I love you, Jay. Please, I need you to come home. If you don’t want to, I understand, but…” He absently rubbed at the nape of his neck and took a deep breath before continuing. “Yeah, okay, I’ll, um, let you go now. ‘bye, Jay.” Jensen sniffled as he pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call.

He made a quick trip to the bathroom to wash up before heading down to the media room in the basement. By the time he got there, Chris was already sitting in the front row of the theater chairs, remote sitting on the armrest next to him. The other man lifted his brow at Jensen when he came into the room, favoring his right leg slightly.

“What’s with the limp?”

“Hurt my knee earlier,” Jensen answered vaguely, not really wanting to go into everything that had happened that morning. He’d been an ass—more than—and didn’t want to think about it. He was paying enough already and didn’t need to hear it from his friend.

Chris hesitated, obviously wanting to know more, but he let it drop. “You doin’ okay?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, I’m good. So,” Jensen gestured to the blank wall in front of them as he sat down, “what’re we watchin’?”

The older man picked up the remote and pressed ‘Play’. Jensen failed to hold back the laugh when _Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle _came up on the big screen. Leave it to Chris to get him to smile on the worst of days.

“What happened to your manly action movie?”

Chris shrugged and grinned. “I thought you could use a laugh instead. You know, so when Jared comes home, you don’t go shootin’ the poor bastard because you’ve been watchin’ too much Rambo.”

Jensen just quirked an eyebrow and shook his head at his friend as he took the seat beside him.

When Chris had said Jared wouldn’t give up easily, Jensen had wanted to believe him, he did…but he just couldn’t. Chris only knew what an asshole Jensen had been to Jared; he only knew, from Jensen’s own admission, that Jensen had been wrong about Jared and Matt, but Chris didn’t know what Jensen had done today. Jensen had gone too far. He'd pushed Jared's last button.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, we're getting so close to the end of the story!
> 
> This chapter is a little longer than the others, but that's not necessarily a bad thing :) It also jumps back to earlier in the day and starts off not long after the incident on the stairs.
> 
> Oh, and I, in no way, condone drinking and driving. Even our protagonists make bad decisions once in a while.
> 
> I know this relationship is screwed up, but we already know the guys have issues and, sadly, some self-doubts that affect their actions. Why not add more to the pile to even things out? :) This is a work of fiction and I just wanted to have some fun. Please take it lightly and with a grain of salt...and maybe a lime and some tequila ;)

**~~ J ~ A ~ R ~ E ~ D ~~**

Jared’s fingers scratched absently at the short, mocha-colored fur between Sadie’s ears. Her head was resting on his right thigh as he drove north on the freeway heading toward the Bay area. He had no particular destination in mind; he just needed to get away. What he wouldn’t do to have his mama at his side right now. She had the uncanny ability to just get to the heart of the matter and see things for what they were. Jared really needed someone to explain to him what the hell was going on. It was like he'd stepped through the Looking Glass, only not so pretty.

Well, it was too late to wonder about it anymore. He’d packed what few belongings he had that weren’t locked up in the bedroom with his husband—no wait, _ex-_ husband—and then had gone to his office where he’d stashed the divorce papers in the top drawer of his desk. Jared had refused to let himself think as he signed his name in blue ink. And no, those hadn’t been tears blurring his vision when he’d set the pen down after.

On the way out, he’d tossed the manila envelope on the kitchen counter where he’d first seen it and then grabbed Sadie without looking back. That was twenty minutes ago. Twenty long minutes of being single again and Jared could have never imagined how horrible that could feel.

He pushed down on the accelerator and watched the exit numbers roll by.

✽  ✽  ✽

Without consciously being aware of it, Jared found himself pulling up outside of Misha’s small office a half hour later, shifting the car into park and pulling his keys from the ignition. Sadie whined in excitement from where she sat in the passenger seat; her tail thumped eagerly on the dark leather. The dog was just as familiar with Misha’s office as Jared was, possibly even more so since she'd been here with Jensen on multiple occasions. She knew there were doggy treats inside and, as far as she was concerned, they were all for her.

Jared sat back in his seat and stared at the small, nondescript, brick building. If there was ever a reason not to judge a book by its cover, it was this place. On the other side of those doors was a very talented lawyer. Jared had sat in on a few trials Misha had been involved with; the man was more than impressive. Jared was about to find out if he still had a friend in there or if he was going to run into the formidable brick wall that was ‘Misha the attorney’.

He jumped when his cell phone rang from his front pants pocket. Once he managed to fumble it out, Jared’s mouth twitched with the hint of a smile when he saw who it was. He thumbed the screen to answer the call.

“Well, are you just going to sit out there all afternoon, or are you going to come in here so you can try to pry confidential information out of me? – And make sure you bring Sadie in. She could probably use a biscuit or two after what you two’ve probably been putting her through.”

The line disconnected. Jared lifted a brow and stared down at the now silent phone. He couldn’t fathom where Misha’s head was in regards to him just showing up out of the blue, and especially not from that brief one-side conversation.

Jared tucked his phone back into his pocket and looked over at Sadie. “C’mon, Sades, time to go visit Uncle Misha.” He unfastened his seatbelt and opened the car door. Sadie squeezed her way over his lap and bolted out the door, heading directly for the office. “Hey, don’t wait up for me or anything,” he muttered as he got out and followed her up the short walkway. When he reached the door, the dog huffed with impatience until he pulled it open and then she disappeared inside. Jared squared his shoulders and followed her in.

Misha’s secretary looked up from her work. Big, brown eyes lit up when she saw Jared. “I had a feeling either you or Jensen wouldn’t be too far behind. I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

“I’m good, Tish.” Jared was sure Tish wouldn’t know what was going on—and he liked the woman—so he tried his best to act like he normally would around her, even if he was hurting beyond comprehension. “You’re looking even more beautiful than usual today. New glasses?”

Tish reached up and adjusted the red frames. “I just got them yesterday. How do they look?” She posed, turning this way and that, adding a tilt of her head here and there.

Jared grinned at her antics. Tish was the perfect complement to Misha. At times, she could be just as quirky as the older man. “Gorgeous, that’s what I think.” He walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

“Jared, stop flirting with the help and get your ass in here,” Misha’s voice bellowed out from his office. “Plus, I charge by the hour. No discounts today.”

Jared looked at Tish and gave her a wink. “Sorry, gotta go talk to the man in charge.”

“Tell Jennybean I said hi.”

Jared only nodded and said that he would before turning and striding into Misha’s office. The man was just putting away the tub of dog treats when Jared walked into the room, taking it upon himself to close the door behind him.

A palpable silence filled the room as Misha sat down in his chair and steepled his fingers under his chin. Before Jared could break it, the other man spoke. “You look terrible.”

“That doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel, Mish,” Jared replied as he dropped down into the seat across from Misha, the same seat Jensen had sat in just the other day. It was a matter of habit to act so casually around the man; they’d been friends for a long time.

“I’m sure. But Jared, why are you here? You know I can’t talk to you. Regretfully, there are some rules that even I have to follow. And you, being an attorney yourself, should know those rules well.”

Jared had a feeling this was going to happen. He had one card in his hand to play, even if it was a low one and didn’t have a lot of promise. “It’s done, Misha. I signed the papers. Do the rules really matter anymore?” He leaned forward, multi-hued hazel eyes pleading with sky blue. “He won’t talk to me. All I want to know is why? Why did Jen suddenly decide to end things? What we had was near perfect.”

Misha was the first to look away. He glanced down at Sadie who was lying on the floor in front of the filing cabinets. Finally, he brought his eyes back up to Jared and blew out a breath. “Jared-”

“Don’t. Please, I just… Can you just tell me, did I do something or— _god, Misha_ —is it…is it someone else?”

Misha’s elbow slipped off the arm of his chair as soon as Jared posed the question. The man opened his mouth like he wanted to answer, but then he caught himself and snapped it shut.

“What, Mish?” Jared _needed_ to know; he wasn’t above getting down on his knees and begging right about now.

The other man’s lips pressed into a thin line then. It looked as if he was warring with his conscience. In the end, he shook his head ‘no’. “Jared, please don’t put me in this position. I can’t say one way or another. If it got out that I shared something that was told to me in confidence… You _know_ I can’t risk that. Once this hits the papers—and you know it will because of who Jensen is…and you as well—we’re all going to be dissected under a microscope.”

Jared carded both hands through his hair. He felt so lost; the sense of defeat was overwhelming. He knew Misha was right. He also felt bad putting the man between a rock and a hard place. Jared gave in. “What am I supposed to do?”

Sadie got up and came over to sit at Jared’s side, resting her chin on his knee. It was clear that the dog was sensing his despair. He laid a hand on her head, accepting the animal’s support.

“I don’t know. The only suggestion I can make is for you to move on, let go. You’ve made a name for yourself. Concentrate on your career. Your time with Jensen is over.”

“That’s the thing, I’m not sure I _can_ move on. Jen’s been my whole life.” Jared swallowed back the lump in his throat, fought back the tears that he refused to let fall; he’d already cried too much today. He stood up from his seat then. “I gotta… I gotta go. – C’mon, Sadie.”

As Jared stepped through the door, he heard a quiet apology follow him out, “I’m sorry, Jared.” He ignored Tish’s goodbye as he quickly strode out of the building.

✽  ✽  ✽

A good portion of the early evening was spent sitting on a bench at Golden Gate Park. A gentle breeze blew through his hair; Sadie lay sprawled out in the sun at Jared’s feet. Jared himself sat quietly, mourning the loss of his marriage. Less than a hundred feet from where he was sitting, there was a grove of palm trees; it was where he and Jensen had said their vows five years ago. And Jared would do it all over again if given the chance. He still considered that to be the best day of his life…aside from the day he had met Jensen.

But that part of his life was over now, gone in what felt like a heartbeat.

The sun was low in the sky, setting it ablaze with a mix of brilliant golds and soft pinks. Jared needed to figure out where he was going to stay for the night. Home was no longer an option. The house was Jensen’s; it was his pride and joy. Plenty of hotels were in the area, but Jeff’s place was only a few blocks away. The man had a guest house that he rarely used and Jared was sure Jeff wouldn’t mind him using it until the divorce was finalized and Jared could find a new place to live. Now that the papers were signed, Jensen probably wouldn’t take long to file them with the courthouse.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared pulled into the driveway of Jeff’s house; it was long and winding with towering palms to either side of it. The older man called his home ‘The Bungalow’. It was anything but. Jared couldn’t remember the exact square footage of the house, but it was probably in the realm of eight-thousand square feet. There was a four-bay garage, two of which held priceless classics. Out back (aside from the guest house) there was an Olympic-sized swimming pool—complete with a water slide and Jacuzzi—a tennis court, a half-acre flower garden with a fountain and some of the most exotic flowers Jared had ever seen, and an oversized stone patio area furnished with a commercial-sized grill, a wet bar, and a varied assortment of outdoor seating and tables. One of Jared’s favorite things about the place had always been the indoor racquetball court which was located in the basement. He had some fond memories of games he’d played down there, with both Jeff and Jensen.

He parked his car next to Jeff’s black Escalade and took a deep breath. The man couldn’t have been home long; he’d been in L.A. for a good portion of the day.

“Well, girl, looks like this might be our home for a little while. What do you think?”

Sadie looked over at Jared with her cinnamon-colored eyes. She pawed at his forearm and whined quietly.

“Yeah, I miss him, too, but I guess we both have to learn how to ‘move on’.”

Jared opened the door then and climbed out of the car. He took a moment to stretch, arching his back as Sadie hopped out behind him. The tightness in his shoulders was starting to make his muscles ache and he could feel a mild headache trying to set in. Jared hoped Jeff didn’t mind the intrusion. Most likely, he wouldn’t. Jeff was just that kind of guy.

He was met at the front door by the burst of energy that was Hilarie. Jared had always gotten along well with her. That might have been because they were the same age. (She was only a couple weeks older than Jared.) Even with the age difference between her and Jeff, Jared had always thought they were the perfect match for each other.

“Jared! It’s so good to see you!” She reached up, standing on her toes, and gave him a hug; Sadie _woofed_ trying to redirect the young woman’s attention down to her. Hilarie laughed and pet the dog on the head. “Oh, don’t you worry, Sadie, I didn’t forget you.” She looked back up at Jared. “Come on in. Jeff’s just working in his office catching up on some things after his trip down to L.A. He’s only been home for an hour or so. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Thanks, Hil.” Jared followed her into the foyer; Sadie’s nails clattered noisily across the floor beside them. The faint smell of food cooking permeated the air. God, he could use something to eat. He’d skipped lunch to get home early and was paying for it now.

“We were going to eat dinner in a few minutes. I know it’s late, but we don’t really have a schedule around here. You’re welcome to join us. Chicken stir-fry’s on the menu tonight.”

“Uh, yeah. That’d be great. Thank you.”

"You're more than welcome." Hilarie smiled before turning and heading down a long hallway leading into the west wing of the house. Jared walked into the sitting room and took a seat in a large, overstuffed chair. Both Jeff’s and Hilarie’s tastes in décor were comfortably casual. The house didn’t have that stuffy feel to it that some did. Jared had always felt welcomed here.

Jared looked up when he heard footsteps a few minutes later. Jeff came around the corner into the room. “Hey, Jeff. _Surprise?_ ”

“Why does that not sound good?” Jeff narrowed his eyes knowingly at Jared. The expression melted away when Sadie ran over to him and nosed between his legs, looking for attention; Jeff looked down at her with a wide smile. “Good to see you, too, sweetie.” He squatted down and gave the dog a rub-down from shoulder to flank. Jeff looked up from the dog to Jared as he did. “Something tells me you’re not here just to tell me you missed me.”

Jared’s eyes turned down to where his hands twisted in his lap. He wasn’t ready to tell Jeff what had happened today, not yet—Jared himself was still trying to come to terms with everything; maybe later, after things had time to settle in. It also didn’t help knowing that once Jeff found out Jared had signed the papers without talking to him first, the man would have his head.

“No, not exactly. I, uh, I was wondering if I could, um…”

Jeff stood back up from where he was crouched and leaned against the door frame. “Stay as long as you need to, Jay.”

“Thanks. It’s only until I can figure things out.”

Jeff pushed off the door jamb and stepped up next to Jared. He placed a large hand on Jared’s shoulder and gave it a solid squeeze. “Take your time. I know what you’re going through is tough, but you two will work things out; I have faith in you. You have a big heart and I’m sure you’ll be able to get Jensen to come around.”

At Jeff’s words, Jared felt his eyes begin to water up again. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. He was starting to wonder if he’d done the right thing, granting Jensen the divorce and taking off like he did. Maybe he should have tried harder somehow.

“So, Hil says dinner’s just about done,” Jeff released his shoulder and turned to head out of the room, “And, just so you know,” he stopped just a few feet into the hallway and looked back at Jared, “she doesn’t know what’s going on; I haven’t said anything to her. It’s up to you if you want her to know.”

“Oh, yeah, um, okay.” Jared got to his feet and followed Jeff through the house to the kitchen.

✽  ✽  ✽

Dinner had been an awkward affair, what with Hilarie asking about Jensen and how his new book was coming along. Jared had done his best to act like nothing out of the ordinary was going on, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. His eyes gave it away…they always did. They weren’t even halfway through the main course before the conversation around the table became somewhat stilted and uncomfortable.

After dinner, Jeff asked Jared to accompany him out to the back patio where the older man wasted no time in lighting up a cigar. Jared took a moment to pop the caps off of two bottles of beer and passed one to his friend.

Jeff brought up the O’Leary case and the two men spent a while debating how Jared had gone about handling it. Jeff gave Jared a few pointers on some things he’d fallen short on, but for the most part, he was proud of the job he’d done. Jeff had even fessed up that he’d given the case to Jared because he thought Jared would do a better job on it than Mark. He thought Jared had more fire because he had something to gain from a win: a partnership.

“You sure kicked that one in the ass,” Jeff said as he blew out a plume of smoke.

Jared nodded in agreement. He had; he couldn’t deny that. The day of the O’Leary win had been almost perfect…

They went on to discuss several other cases that the firm had dealt with over the past six months or so, and not once during that time did Jeff ask Jared about what had happened to make him come looking for a place to stay. Jared knew he wouldn’t; that was one of the reasons he’d come here instead of going to Chad’s. Chad would want to know _everything_. Jeff might be one of Jared’s closest and most trusted friends, but, oddly enough, the man had always kept an invisible line drawn in the sand between them. Jared knew it would always be there as long as he worked under Jeff. It was something he’d gotten used to by now; it was just who Jeff was. Jeff wouldn’t ask questions unless Jared brought it up first.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Jared was just about to call it a night when Jeff’s cell phone rang. He glanced over at Jeff and saw that the man had a frown on his face, almost as if he was contemplating even answering the call. Then he looked up, eyes meeting Jared’s briefly, before standing and saying, “I should probably take this. Excuse me.”

Jeff moved off toward the house as he answered the phone, “Morgan.”

Jared, his interest piqued after the strange look he’d just gotten from the man, strained to hear more. “I’m here, but you know I shouldn’t be talking to you.” _Huh._ And then Jared thought he heard his name as Jeff opened the door and stepped into the house. That was odd. Who would Jeff be talking to about him?

The pieces came together a fraction of a second later. _Jensen._ Jensen must have found the divorce papers by now. Jared cringed inwardly at the thought. But it was what Jensen had wanted.

Before the door closed behind him, Jared’s presumption was confirmed by Jeff’s words. “I hate to bring this up, Jen, but-” The rest of what Jeff said was cut off as the door latched shut behind him.

Jared quickly jumped up from where he’d been sitting and trailed behind Jeff wanting to hear more. He was thankful that the hinges on the door to the kitchen were well-oiled as he slipped silently into the house.

He could hear Jeff’s voice again as the man headed further down the hallway. “Why do you care now where he is?” Jared felt guilty about eavesdropping; he knew he shouldn’t be listening, but… “You thought what?” he heard the man ask as Jeff reached his office and stepped inside.

And then Jared jumped when Jeff raised his voice.

“Bullshit, Jensen! Something had you chompin’ at the bit for a quick divorce. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one drawn up so fast.”

Another pause as Jeff listened to whatever it was that Jensen had to say in response to that. Jared inched closer to the door.

“Uh, huh. Nothing… Right. You just keep tellin’ yourself that. You have to remember who you’re talking to here, Jensen, and since you don’t seem to be in the mood for sharing, I’ll share a little something with you instead: I know why you filed for the divorce.”

Jared froze. _Jeff knows what this is all about?_ The questions of how Jeff knew and why he hadn’t said anything barely had time to form before the man continued on. Jared was close enough now to hear the conversation clearly.

“I’ve known for some time what’s been going on between you and Matt, how you two feel about each other, especially him. You have to remember, just because Jared is inclined to see most of the world through rose-tinted glasses and hasn’t picked up on it yet doesn’t mean others haven’t.”

Was he actually hearing what he thought he was? _Jensen and Matt? Oh, god…_

The floor suddenly seemed to tilt under his feet; Jared felt his knees grow weak and he reached out to the wall for support. His hand hit a framed picture causing it to rock back and forth slightly on its hanger; it made a soft _shooshing_ noise as it rubbed against the wall. He heard Jeff mutter a curse and then the sound of the man’s footsteps were moving toward the door.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jared didn’t think…couldn’t. Everything was a blur until he realized he was behind the wheel of his car. The sudden and shrill ringing of his phone was what ultimately pulled him out of his fog. Jared retrieved the device from his pocket and saw that it was Chad; he sent the call to voicemail. A minute later, it rang again and Jared scowled before turning it off completely and chucking it into the passenger seat.

He had no idea where he was or how long he’d been driving; he hadn’t even been aware enough to grab Sadie before he’d run out of the house; Jared would have to go back and get her at some point, just not right now. He pulled over to the edge of the roadway and stared off into the distance. His whole body was shaking and it felt like his mind was short-circuiting.

_Jensen and Matt…_

The world seemed to close in around him as mental pictures of the two men together flooded his thoughts. He opened the driver’s side door just in time. Jared heaved until there was nothing left of the dinner he’d had earlier in his stomach. When he was done, he sat back, chest rising and falling deeply as he tried to catch his breath, and wiped the perspiration from his forehead with the back of his hand.

He would have never believed it— _never_ —if he hadn’t heard it right from Jeff. Jared felt nothing less than betrayed. How could the man he loved do this to him? Jen had seemed so happy…well, until recently, until Jared had had to dedicate so much of his time to the O’Leary case. But it wasn’t just Jared; they’d _both_ been over their heads in the last months with their careers. Jared hadn’t told Jensen, but he’d planned on surprising his husband with a trip to the Maldives when the dust from everything had settled and cleared.

But now he finds out his husband has been cheating on him….with Matt Cohen, no less? And Jeff _knew_? Jared was fine with that ‘professional distance’ Jeff had always kept, but he thought the man could’ve at least mentioned that.

“Fuck!” He slammed an open palm down on the steering wheel as he shifted the car into drive and cut wildly back into traffic, his thoughts far away from the road he was on. A car horn sounded loudly at him and he swore again as he avoided the near collision. Tears streamed down his cheeks, blurring his vision. What had he done to make everyone hate him? They had all played him for the fool…and he’d fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.

✽  ✽  ✽

Somehow a bar had come into the equation. It probably hadn’t been the best thing to do. But tonight? Jared couldn’t have cared less. His life felt like it was already over. He was entitled to a few drinks.

He sat at the bar, the room around him cloudy with cigarette smoke and smelling of stale alcohol and perspiration. Jared stared at the double of whiskey resting on the polished wood in front of him, a ring of condensation pooling beneath it. The light from above the bar caught in the glass and refracted onto the counter top, sending little rainbows shooting out over the bar’s surface. Jared had told the bartender to leave the bottle after the third refill. He knew the liquor was already getting to him. His stomach was empty and it probably didn’t help that he was a lightweight in the first place.

After a while, Jared took out his phone and turned it on. He was curious as to why Chad had been calling earlier. It took a minute for the device to power back up and connect with the network. When it did, it immediately chimed and vibrated in his hand. According to the status bar along the top of the screen, he had a handful of missed calls, four voicemails, and one text message.

Jared pulled up the text message first. A muscle in his jaw flexed when he saw that it from Jensen.

_"pls come home. i'm sorry”_

After everything that had happened, Jensen was attempting to apologize? Jared barely suppressed a chuckle at that. He deleted the message with an angry swipe of his finger.

When he checked the incoming calls, he found that there were five of them: two from Chad, two from Jensen, and one from Jeff. Jared stared down at the phone for a full minute before growling. His fingers moved over the screen fluidly, making the familiar keystrokes to dial into his voicemail.

The first message to come up was from Chad. “Dude, Jenny-boy’s missin’ on you. But seriously, he seemed a little freaked out. Y’okay, man? Call me.” Jared deleted the message.

The second message to come up was empty air for the most part. Although, Jared thought he might have heard a quiet, “Dammit,” before it disconnected. It had been Jensen.

The third? That one had Jared wrinkling his brow. More apologies. And Jensen was pleading with him to come home, saying that he loved him, that he missed him. With his brain a bit addled by the liquor he’d already drunk, Jared was having a hard time figuring out Jensen’s motive behind it. Jensen had what he wanted: he was single now and could run off with Matt into their fairytale sunset together. Was he having second thoughts now that the divorce was real? Had reality hit him in a way he hadn’t expected it to? _Well,_ Jared thought, _it’s too goddamned late now._ He hoped the sex with Matt was worth it.

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Jared deleted that one, too. And then he knocked back the last of the whiskey in his glass before pulling out his wallet and tossing two twenties on the counter. He picked up what was left of the bottle and headed out the door.

The fourth voicemail remained unlistened to. After what he’d heard earlier, he really didn’t want to hear anything more from Jeff. Right now, the only thing he wanted was the truth…and Jensen was the one he was going to get it from.

✽  ✽  ✽

Ten minutes later, Jared was standing in his—oh, wait, no, _Jensen’s_ —driveway staring up at their—oops, no again, _Jensen’s_ —house.  _Yeah, maybe he’d had too much to drink._  He couldn’t wrap his whiskey-laden brain around the fact that this was now just Jensen’s house and not his, too; it was kind of confusing.

He stumbled up the front steps and made several attempts to get the key into the hole before he finally succeeded. The house was dark, but the low rumble of the surround sound from the media room reverberated through the floor at his feet. Jared had seen Chris’ truck out in the driveway when he’d pulled in and he wondered how much Jensen’s perfect friend knew about what was going on. Probably everything.

Jared’s feet shuffled on the marble floor as he moved slowly through the foyer toward the stairs to the basement. Out of habit, he tossed his keys at the bowl as he passed it; he missed and they clattered onto the table instead. He trailed the fingers of his left hand along the chair rail to keep himself upright while the other held the bottle of whiskey he’d been nursing for the past hour and a half. Jack was Jared’s friend tonight, his shoulder to lean on.

Once he’d made it down the stairs—somehow Jared had remained upright during that particular feat—he’d managed to slip into a seat at the back of the room without either Chris or Jensen noticing he had entered the room. The fact that the volume on the sound system was turned up too loud helped cover his arrival as well.

When the end credits began to roll, Jared watched as Chris stopped the movie and then carefully plucked the popcorn cup out of what Jared now knew was a sleeping Jensen’s hand. The older man moved to pick up a beer bottle from Jensen’s lap as well. Jared shifted in his seat, his long legs cramping from being drawn up in the small space between himself and the seat in front of him. Chris must have heard the movement because he turned his head, eyes immediately finding Jared’s.

Jared only scowled at Chris’ surprised expression. Here was just another person who knew what Jensen had been up to and didn’t have the balls to say anything. Jared shifted his gaze from Chris down to the back of Jensen’s head where it was resting awkwardly on his right shoulder as he slept.

“Hey, Jay. I didn’t know you were here.” Chris glanced down at Jensen, then back to Jared. He swept a loose strand of hair back from his face as he spoke. “He needed some company tonight after you left.”

Jared sat back and threw a foot up onto the back of the seat in front of him. He continued to stare daggers at the back of his ex-husband’s head, mostly ignoring Chris. Chris shifted where he stood and Jared knew the other man was growing uncomfortable with his lack of response.

“He told me what happened, that you signed the papers. Jay, he messed up; I’m not sure he knows how to apologize for it either. He seems to think you’re not gonna forgive him.”

Jared shrugged at the man’s words; he really didn’t care to hear what Chris had to say. Instead of replying, Jared brought the bottle of whiskey up to his mouth and took a long pull from it.

Something in Chris’ demeanor changed; Jared noticed it right away when he brought the bottle back down to his lap and smoothed his thumb over the lip of it. Maybe the man had realized Jared was less than sober.

“Why don’t you head on up to bed. I’ll take care of him,” Chris offered with a gesture to Jensen who had yet to stir.

“Not gonna happen, Chris. He asked me to come home…and now I’m here. And I think we’re overdue for a little talk,” Jared grit out with a minor slur.

“Not to be disrespectful, man, but you’re in no shape to be havin’ the kind of talk you two need. Go sleep it off. He’s not goin’ anywhere.”

Jared pushed up from his chair then. He steadied himself with a hand on the back of the seat. “Don’t you go fuckin’ tellin’ me what to do.” It took him a second, but Jared pulled himself up to his full height and made an attempt at puffing out his chest.

Chris set down the beer and popcorn and moved up the aisle between the seats until he was just a few feet in front of Jared. “I said, go sleep it off, Jared.” His words were stern and unyielding, authoritative even; his eyes were sharp and piercing. Jared knew Chris wasn’t going to back down, not when he was worried about what might go on between Jensen and Jared.

Jared stood there, trying to stare the man down as he attempted to maintain some semblance of balance, but Chris was like a goddamned mule. Aside from knowing that the man wasn’t going to back down, he also knew he was in no shape to come to blows with the guy. But the liquor in him had him determined.

“Fuck off.”

Chris lifted an eyebrow and widened his stance. “What was that?”

“I said, fuck off, Chris,” Jared growled. “This is between me,” he pointed at himself, “and him, my… _ex_ -husband,” and then Jared pointed an unsteady finger at Jensen. As he did so, he rocked back on the heels of his feet and stumbled slightly.

Chris took another step closer to Jared. “If you’re lookin’ to fix what’s goin’ on between you two, it ain’t happenin’ tonight. Just go on up to bed. Don’t make me knock you out and carry your huge ass up there.”

It was a subtle—and not so serious—threat, but it had Jared bristling nonetheless. What right did Chris have to come into his house and threaten him? Oh, wait… _not_ his house. “I’d like to see you try, asshole,” Jared all but snarled back as he gave the man a cold glare.

“Man, you really don’t wanna go there.”

While they were having their little standoff, Jared wobbled a bit more as he tried to remain on his feet. The alcohol was starting to mess with his vision and he was starting to see two of the man in front of him. He shook his head and blinked a few times trying to make ‘Chris A’ and ‘Chris B’ become one again. Shit, maybe the guy was right. Maybe he should just go sleep it off.

Chris crossed his arms over his chest and held his ground, waiting to see what Jared was going to do next. Jared felt himself deflating all of a sudden. His shoulders sagged and, even though Chris was more than half a foot shorter than him, Jared felt small right now. He rolled his bottom lip in and chewed on it. Without another word, he turned away from Chris and headed toward the stairs.

“Atta boy. We’ll all get this fixed in the mornin’,” Jared heard the man say to his back.


	10. Chapter 10

**~~ J ~ E ~ N ~ S ~ E ~ N ~~**

 “Jenny?”

Jensen felt a hand on his shoulder and he grumbled. He was so damn emotionally drained; he didn’t want to open his eyes, not unless he knew he was waking from the nightmare that the last few days had been. “Huh?” he answered, still more asleep than awake.

“Time to get your pretty ass up to bed. It’s late. And you missed the end of the movie.”

Jensen sat up then and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His neck was stiff from the position he’d been in. “Oh, uh, sorry.”

“I’m not lookin’ for apologies. C’mon, let’s get you all tucked in for the night.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Chris snickered as he reached a hand out to help haul Jensen up and out of his reclined position in the seat. “I think you should lay off the cheeseburgers, dude. You’re gettin’ heavy.”

“Look who’s talkin’.” Jensen grinned. “So, you stayin’ over?” Chris hesitated, looking pensive for a moment. “What?”

“Nothing. Why?”

Jensen eyed his friend—the man was just as bad at lying as Jared was—but he let it go for now. “Never mind; it’s been a long day. – But if you are stayin’, you can take one of the guest rooms upstairs. All I care about right now is I gotta take a piss. Those beers went right through me.” Jensen started making his way toward the stairs knowing Chris would be right behind him. “I think you were right; I needed a break from everything. Thanks for comin’ over.”

“Anything for my sweet, little Jenny.”

Jensen could ignore the familiar moniker, but other things… “’m not little,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Especially if you keep eating those cheeseburgers,” Chris kidded, earning himself a punch to the shoulder.

Jensen used the bathroom at the top of the stairs. After he washed up, he found Chris waiting for him in the foyer. It was then that his eyes happened to pass over the bowl of keys on the table…and the extra set just to the side of the dish. He frowned. _What the hell?_ He walked over to the table and his breath caught.

“Chris?”

“Yeah?” The man was squatting down on the floor petting Sherlock who’d come out of hiding at some point.

Jensen lifted Jared’s keys from where they rested beside the bowl and held them out for the other man to see. “Did you happen to forget to tell me something? Is Jared _here_? His eyes were wide as he asked the question. Part of him wanted to run up the stairs to see for himself; part of him was scared to death about what that confrontation would be like.

Chris reached up and scrubbed at the nape of his neck. He looked guilty as all hell.

“Chris, what aren’t you telling me?” Jensen let the keys drop into the bowl—they clinked noisily against the ceramic—and approached his friend as he waited for an answer.

“I sent him off to bed; he was being an asshole. He’d been hitting the bottle, Jen.”

“I don’t give a damn what he was. He’s home. You should’ve woken me up.” Jensen swept his hands up into his hair and whirled around looking up the stairs. _Jared’s home._ He looked back at Chris. He knew the man meant well. “Jesus Christ.” Jensen had to remind himself to breathe; he could feel his nerves ratchet up and his body began to tremble with a mix of both fear and excitement. After everything he’d done, he was being given a second chance from someone up above, a chance to set things right. “Go home, Chris.”

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea. Didn’t you hear me? He’s drunk off his rocker. And not just a few beers, Jen…he had a whole damn bottle of _whiskey_ ,” Chris warned. “He’s not thinkin’ straight. You know he’s gonna say things he doesn’t mean, and then you’re both gonna regret it tomorrow. Not to mention he might just start throwin’ punches. He was about ready to face off with me ten minutes ago…and you know he’d never do that.”

“I don’t care,” Jensen said with no small amount of obstinance.

“Jen-”

“No, Chris. Trust me on this. Just go ahead and go home. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Chris sighed in defeat. “Fine. Okay. But if he-”

“I’ll be fine,” Jensen stressed.

That got a nod from Chris. “Alright, alright. You better call me in the morning. If you don’t, Steve and I are gonna come and kick both your asses.”

Jensen smiled. “Get outta here, man. I’m sure Steve could use your help since it’s a Friday and all.”

“Tomorrow,” Chris repeated as he headed to the front door.

“ _Go_.”

And then Chris was gone.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen had dealt with a drunk Jared before. It wasn’t often though. His husband tended to stay away from anything more than a social beer. Alcohol just had a way of hitting him too hard. All it took was one.

On the few occasions where Jared had allowed himself to kick back with a few too many, he’d always been a silly drunk. Jared was a tactile person by nature and with more than a couple of beers in him, well, he tended to get clingy to put it mildly. And he also talked. Not a mile a minute, but a thousand miles a minute. When they’d get home from wherever they were, Jensen would just drag Jared up to bed and he’d be out for the night, no worse for wear come morning. (Strangely, even with his low tolerance to alcohol, he seemed immune to hangovers aside from an occasional headache.)

Hard liquor though… Jensen had never seen Jared hit the stuff before. Jared had always said he just didn’t like it, but Jensen was sure there was more to it than that. Somehow, Chad’s name always immediately came to mind. Jensen knew the two had done some hard partying during their time at Stanford, but Jared never would elaborate on the things that they’d done.

Jensen waited until he knew Chris had had enough time to get into his truck and leave before turning to face the stairs with a sigh. The rational part of his mind told him he should listen to his friend and let Jared sleep it off, but he _needed_ to apologize for so much…and the sooner the better.

Tread by tread, step by step, Jensen climbed the stairs. When he got to the master bedroom, he found the door wide open. With a quick glance, he saw that the bed was empty; Jensen kept walking. The hallway seemed infinitely long as he continued down it, heading directly to the guest room he knew he’d find his husband in.

From where he was, he could see that the door wasn’t closed all the way. He slowed down as he neared the room, listening for any sounds from within. Either Jared was sleeping or he’d been completely wrong about where to find the man. It was possible he was holed up in his office. The thought hadn’t crossed Jensen’s mind before. But any doubts were quashed when he reached out and pushed the door open.

The light from the hallway arced into the room and there, sprawled out on the bed and fast asleep, was Jared. Beside him on the nightstand stood a whiskey bottle. Jensen wondered how much of the bitter drink was left. How much had Jared had?

Jensen chewed on his lip; his gaze shifted over to the broad expanse of tanned skin spread out before him. Jared had stripped out of his shirt and shoes, remaining only in his suit pants from earlier today. The dark material clung to the swell of his ass and Jensen had to pull his eyes away before his hormones got carried away from just that sight alone. Jensen muttered a silent curse under his breath and then slowly crossed the room.

The first thing he did was pick up the whiskey bottle to get an idea of how much Jared had had. From the way Chris was talking, it had sounded like Jared had drunk the whole thing. But no, there was actually about a half a bottle left. Jared must have been taking his time on it, but it was enough to have done some damage. Jensen set the bottle back down with a sigh.

He reached down to shake Jared awake, but paused, trembling hand hovering over the relaxed muscles of his husband’s shoulder. Jensen tightened his fingers into a fist then released them. Instead, he let just the pads of his fingers smooth over the heated flesh. It had been so long since he’d caressed Jared in a loving manner; he’d come to miss it. The few times they’d gotten together in the recent months had been more or less to the point. It hadn’t been making love; it had been fucking. They’d both been in it to get off and then they’d each go their separate ways: Jared to his office working on the O’Leary case; Jensen to his study to work on his manuscript.

And it sucked.

Jared snored on under Jensen’s touch, seemingly undisturbed. A stray lock of hair had fallen over his face and Jensen tucked it back behind the younger man’s ear. Jared’s cheeks were flushed from the alcohol coursing through his system and Jensen thought he looked so vulnerable, so innocent. Again, he wondered how he could have ever thought the man capable of cheating on him. Jensen would walk through Hell and back if it would guarantee Jared would forgive him.

“I won’t blame you if you never do,” he whispered quietly, a tear tracking down his cheek. His hand shook as he pulled it away and stared down at the man he loved. “I would do anything to take it all back. I’ve just been so stressed out and… Jesus, that’s no excuse. I should have known I could trust you, Jay.”

Jensen decided, then, that he couldn’t wake the man up. Chris was right; it was the wrong time to have this conversation. But he wasn’t going to go anywhere. Instead, he pulled off his overshirt, toed off his socks, and stepped out of his pants, leaving him in only his t-shirt and boxers. He moved around to the other side of the bed and climbed in beside Jared.

The other man shifted when Jensen’s weight settled down on the mattress and he rolled over onto his left side, facing Jensen. He didn’t open his eyes. He snuffled, lifted a hand up to scratch his nose, then stilled again. Through it all, Jensen remained unmoving, watching the familiar motions of his sleeping husband.

When he was sure the man wasn’t going to wake up, Jensen settled in and closed his eyes. Within minutes, he was asleep.

✽  ✽  ✽

Jensen was pulled from his slumber. Something had woken him up. Slow to open his eyes, he realized he’d snuggled up to Jared at some point during the night, his head tucked up against his husband’s chest where he could hear the man’s heart beating a steady rhythm under his ear. His lips turned up into a smile. _Jared was home._ Jensen let himself bask in the fact for a quiet moment.

And then Jared spoke, breaking into the fantasy world Jensen had allowed himself to get lost in.

“Get offa me.” The words were groggy and slurred, but full of anger at the same time.

Jensen found himself being pushed away, almost being shoved off the bed. Jared’s dark hazels burned into him with heat…and not the good kind either. Jensen cowered away under the glare. He’d done that, put that look on Jared’s face. He was responsible.

“You don’t get to do that anymore.” Jared rolled to sit up then. “You gave this up, remember?” he said as he gestured to himself. “It’s not yours anymore.”

Jensen could only nod. “Yeah, I…,” he rubbed at the nape of his neck, “I guess I did. But Jay-”

“Oh, here comes the big fuckin’ apology,” Jared threw his hands up in the air and then beckoned Jensen to go on with an over exaggerated sweep of his arms. “Well, go ahead. Spit it out. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. This is your chance.” He groaned then and closed his eyes. Yeah, Jared didn’t appear to be feeling all that well. More than likely he had a killer headache.

Jensen’s mouth opened, but no words came out. Now that Jared was right there in front of him, he was speechless. What he’d done was so horrible that his guilt was practically choking him. “I-”

Jared turned away from him, dropping his feet to the floor. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he grumbled as he pulled his button down on and got up to head to the attached bathroom. He didn’t even bother to close the door as he flicked on the light and proceeded to take a leak. The toilet flushed and then Jensen heard the water come on at the sink.

Jensen ran an unsteady hand through his hair; the short spikes were in wild disarray. _Think, you moron!_ he yelled at himself. _You’re not gonna get another chance at this._

Jared stepped out of the bathroom then. He must’ve splashed water over his face because his bangs looked damp. His pants were still undone, hanging loose at his narrow hips—Jensen could see the dark material of his boxer briefs where they hung open. _Not exactly helpin’ here._

Jared spoke before Jensen was able to get his mind into gear. “Here, let me help get you started. _I was at Jeff’s earlier_.”

“That goddamn son of a…” Jensen hissed out more to himself than to Jared. Jeff had totally played it off like he hadn’t seen Jared. No wonder he had said he would work on getting Jared to go home; he’d been there all along. Jensen was starting to understand why so many lawyers had a bad rap for being sneaky sons of bitches.

“I _know_ , Jensen,” Jared continued on as if he hadn’t heard the muttered curse. “Misha wouldn’t tell me what was going on”— _Jared had gone to Misha?_ —“but I heard enough when you called Jeff. I _know_ why you pushed for a divorce _,_ ” he repeated. “But I wanna hear it straight from your mouth. How _could_ you?” Jared’s voice was rising as he spoke; the slur was all but gone. He was sobering up fairly quickly. “Jesus fuck, Jensen!” Jared leaned against the wall and slid down to his haunches; he scrubbed his hands over his face, ran his fingers through his messy hair. He looked absolutely devastated.

As he waited for an answer, Jared rubbed at his left temple. Jensen assumed he was trying to soothe away the headache that was troubling him. He’d seen that it was a little after 4:00 a.m. Jared had had several hours for the most obvious effects of the whiskey to wear off, but he certainly looked like he was feeling the consequences of hitting bottle last night.

Jensen took a deep breath. All he could do was try to explain things and hope for the best. “I should have talked to you about it. I…I don’t know why I didn’t in the first place. I don’t have an excuse for what I’ve done.”

“No. You don’t,” Jared said flatly.

Jensen grimaced, but he kept going. “It’s been going on for a while, since—I don’t know—a few months after Matt started up at the firm. He-”

Jared’s gaze snapped up from the floor causing Jensen to stop short. Then, faster than Jensen thought the man capable of moving in his current state, Jared pushed up from the floor and he had his hands fisted in the front of Jensen’s t-shirt, pulling him up to his feet.

Jensen’s eyes went wide with shock as he stared at up at Jared, green eyes blinking. He never thought his husband capable of violence, but he was starting to second guess himself on that. _Maybe Chris was right._

“How could you?” Jared’s fingers twisted tighter into Jensen’s shirt and Jensen swallowed, too stunned to try to pull away from Jared’s hold on him.

Up close now, he could see how the last few days had affected his husband. Jared looked tired and unkempt, just as much as Jensen did. This whole situation had taken a toll on both of them.

“Shit… Yeah, Jay, I…I screwed up,” he confessed, breaking eye contact with Jared. There was too much emotion going on there and Jensen couldn’t bear to see it.

Jared growled and pushed Jensen back down onto the mattress. He proceeded to pace back and forth along the foot of the bed. “Fuck. You make me sick,” Jared muttered. “Here I was, thinking you two hated each other, and all along… Almost two years now! How could I be so fucking blind?”

Jensen frowned from where he’d been thrown down onto the bed; he shifted to sit up. The words coming out of Jared’s mouth weren’t making any sense. It almost sounded like… _Really?_ It was so far-fetched, but not any worse than what Jensen was culpable of. He took a second to think back to his conversation with Jeff on the phone, tried to remember Jeff’s exact words and how his husband might have interpreted them if he’d overheard any of what was said. Yeah, it was definitely possible Jared could have come to the wrong conclusion if he’d only heard a portion of it. Jensen’s insides churned at the thought.

"Wait a minute..."

“What?” Jared stopped pacing; his tone was harsh and cold. Jensen could sense the chill emanating off of his husband. In the light spilling into the room from the bathroom, Jensen could just make out Jared’s face. His features were pinched, jaw clenched, but his eyes…they told so much more, of his bitterness, of his anger at Jensen’s supposed betrayal.

“You think that I…that _I’m_ having an affair with Matt?”

Jared stared down at Jensen, tangled hair standing on end. Jensen could almost say he looked adorable if this was any other time…and if it wasn’t for the broken look in his eyes.

“I know what I heard, so don’t you-” Jared started, but Jensen cut him off mid-sentence.

“I thought _you_ were having an affair with Matt!”

At Jensen’s words, Jared’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “ _What?_ Why the hell would you…?”

“God, this is just… I think you better sit down.” When Jared didn’t move, Jensen tried again. “Please, Jay. Just give me a few minutes. I know I don’t deserve it, but…”

Sighing heavily, Jared sat without a word.

Jensen looked down at his lap. He felt Jared’s eyes on him as he tried to figure out the best way to explain things, how everything had gotten turned upside down and backwards.

“How much did you hear when I was on the phone with Jeff last night?” He looked up at Jared. The man narrowed his eyes at him; his whole body was rigid.

“Enough to… What the fuck, Jen? I _heard_ Jeff…”

This had gotten so much more out of hand than it should have. Jensen wouldn’t shun the blame—taking Matt out of the picture, Jensen had started this—but he really wished Jeff would have said something to one of them when Jared had originally gone to him.

Jensen wet his lips with a flick of his tongue. He noticed Jared’s eyes dart down to his mouth as he did. “Matt, he’s a real piece of work, isn’t he? He’s got us both all worked up, probably more than he even knows.” At Jensen’s words, Jared’s brow furrowed, but Jensen went on. "I'm going to start from the beginning; I’m not gonna deny it, I really fucked up here, Jay. Jeff called me a ‘Green-Eyed Monster’ and I think it’s sort of fitting. When I’m done, you can either forgive me…or not.”

Jared sat and listened quietly as Jensen told him everything…all the way up to and through the conversation that Jared had apparently only heard the beginning of.

Jensen could see Jared’s mind working as his story unfolded. He could only hope that the other man would be able to find it in his heart to forgive him. When he was done, a heavy silence settled around them. Moments later, Jensen jumped when the room was suddenly engulfed in laughter. _Huh?_

 _That_  was not the reaction he’d been expecting. “Jay, what-?”

“Ah, man. This is just…” The laughter died down as quickly as it had erupted. Jared wiped a large hand over his face. When his hand came away, he looked at Jensen again, jaw clenched tightly and eyes hard. His words were anything but jovial when he spoke. “First you shove divorce papers under my nose, then you trashed my work; that affected more people than just me, you know. You threw my clothes out the window. And then yesterday? What the _hell_ was that? Jesus, Jen. What am I supposed to do here? What am I supposed to _think_? The whole time you refused to talk to me; I _begged_ you. I mean, you can go to Chris, but not me…your husband…or…or I don’t even know what I am to you anymore.

“And you…you want me to just _forget_ everything and just start all over like you never…? I… God, you are _insane_ , Jen. Do you even get how far off the scales you are? You did things that no one in their right mind would ever do, and definitely not to someone they claim they love. Why the hell didn’t you just ask me about what you saw? Instead, you decided to ignore everything our marriage has been built on and…”

Jared stood up suddenly and Jensen couldn’t help but flinch as the younger man towered over him. He’d never seen Jared like this…so angry. The emotion was written all over his face. But what stung the most was that Jensen could still see something else there: Jared was hurting.

“I mean, I can see how wires can get crossed, how things can be taken completely out of context—apparently, I’m guilty of it myself after that damn phone call between you and Jeff…and I’m sorry for that—but…but…” Jared rubbed at his temple again and winced. “I was pissed at you—there’s no denying that—but I came home to _talk_ to you about it. If it turned out to be true, then we would have taken things from there. That’s what you’re supposed to do in a marriage.

“Just tell me _why_ , Jen. You’re my husband; you should have trusted me.”

There were tears glistening in Jared’s eyes now; Jensen wanted to curl up into a ball of shame and just disappear for being the cause of all this. His hands fisted in his lap, the blunt edges of his nails digging into his palms; his cheeks were wet with tears, yet he didn’t bother to wipe them away.

“I just… When I saw him _kiss_ you…and you…you didn’t do anything. My mind just went places, Jay.”

Jared was pacing again. He stopped on the other side of the bed. “That’s not good enough, Jen. What you did… I tried to keep telling myself it was because we’ve been so tied up in our work, stressed out, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. There’s gotta be something more, something deeper that you’re not telling me. Something kept you from coming to me and I want to know what it was.”

“I…” Jensen trailed off. His mind went back to the other day; he couldn’t help it. It was anything but a pleasant experience, but the whole scene re-played itself in his head: walking through the doors, the bag of grinders in his hand, the pride flowing through him that Jared had won his case, the _pop_ of a cork, the shout of cheers, rounding the corner and seeing Matt lean in and kiss Jared, Jared pulling back and wrapping an arm around Matt. And then Jared had _smiled_. “I was scared.” His voice was soft, almost too quiet to be heard.

“You were _scared_?” Jared stared at Jensen with a dumbfounded expression. “ _What_?”

“I was scared, alright! He kissed you and you…you _smiled_ like you were the happiest you’ve been in months. And…I-”

“So what, you’re sayin’ this is all my fault now?” Jared looked like he was getting more pissed off by the moment, not the other way around. Jensen had to get this going in the right direction—and fast—before he couldn’t get it turned back around.

“Dammit, no, Jay! What I’m sayin’ is that I can’t compete! Is that what you want to hear? I. Can’t. Compete!” Jensen stood up from the bed then, emotion threading into his words and making them forceful. “If you decide you want some young stud who’s on the same fast track as you—corporate parties, fancy cars, and fucking Dom Perignon out of a paralegal’s navel in the penthouse suite—where the fuck does that leave me? I’m just some pathetic, washed-up, Hollywood has-been hiding behind a keyboard and a smart-assed, drunken gumshoe, waiting for you to come home… _when you can_. Well, I can’t…”

Jensen was on a roll and it didn’t seem like he had control of what was coming out of his mouth any longer; his deepest fears were taking the wheel, and he definitely had Jared’s attention now.

“Look, I get it. You’re gorgeous and smart and you can have anyone you want. And you deserve to be successful and happy. And, Jay, that’s all I ever wanted for you. It is; I swear! But, I thought it would be with me. When…when I walked in and saw Matt kiss you, and you looked so damn happy…I’ve never felt like such an idiot.”

Jensen dropped back onto the bed, drained and exhausted. He breathed deeply attempting to steady his rapidly beating heart. He was unable to look at Jared any longer. The stunned look on his husband’s face said it all. “I know saying ‘sorry’ won’t fix this, but I am sorry, Jay. Now that I look back on it, it all just seems so crazy. I’ve wrecked our marriage over some stupid…insecurity. I guess you can say I’ve hit my mid-life crisis a few years earlier than most.”

Jared remained silent and motionless. Jensen risked a glance up at the man after nothing was said for a while, but Jared wasn’t looking at him. Instead, he was looking down at his left hand, toying with his wedding band. Jensen still wore his, having never taken it off throughout this whole fiasco; the thought had never occurred to him.

“I…I won’t blame you if you can’t forgive me…or if you still want to leave. Or I can leave if that’s what you want. I won’t fight you.” He dropped his gaze again as he spoke the words.

There was nothing but quiet, yet it was the loudest thing Jensen had ever heard. So much could be conveyed in that lingering silence. With every second that ticked by, Jensen could feel the distance between himself and his husband growing, stretching. What Jared said next would decide their future. If Jared wanted to go through with the divorce, if he wanted to leave, Jensen wouldn’t stop him. Like Jared had said, he had no right anymore. When Jared finally did speak, Jensen braced himself.

“Jensen.” Jared shook his head and came over to sit down on the bed. He turned to face Jensen, pulling his left leg up and tucking it under himself. “You _are_ an idiot. _You’re_ the only one I’ve ever wanted. I mean, why the hell do you think I’ve been killing myself these last few months? For fame? Sex? Jesus, Jen. I’ve been doing this for you…,” he reached out and took Jensen’s right hand in his own then, “for _us_ . – Jen, look at me.” Jensen looked up only to see a soft smile on Jared’s face. “I love you for _you_.”

The smile was short-lived though; Jensen knew things wouldn’t be that simple. Jared took a deep breath; he gave Jensen’s hand a squeeze as he began. “This isn’t easy for me. You hurt me, Jen—bad—and I…I can’t. I get where you’re coming from— _I do_ —but I can’t really forgive you for what you did. I mean, I tried to talk to you to find out what was going on, but you kept shutting me out. You wouldn’t even give me a chance.”

Jensen’s heart was pounding in his chest, in his ears; it was all he could hear after what Jared had just said. He glanced down at their clasped fingers, trying to blink the fresh wave of tears away, and then he finally looked up at Jared. Jared wasn’t going to forgive him _. Oh, god, what had he done?_ He could feel his lower lip begin to tremble.

“Jen, hey, no. Don’t.” Jared reached over and wiped a stray tear away. His thumb scuffed along the hint of stubble growing on Jensen’s cheek. “I’m not saying I won’t ever. It’s just gonna take time before I can do that. You should have trusted me. I married you because of who you are as a person _._ I’m not going to just up and leave because you’re getting older. Hell, you deal with my cartoons and video games…and Chad. Anyone who can put up with Chad… Well, that’s not what’s important right now. The important thing is that I love you; I always will.”

Jensen could hear the passion in Jared’s words, see it on his face, and he tried to keep from breaking down further, but he wasn’t faring so well. That was the second time Jared had told him that he still loved him. How could he after… _everything?_

“When I saw those papers,” Jared continued, “it was like you tore out a piece of my soul.”

Jensen sniffled. He felt Jared’s grip on his hand tighten again. Even as hurt as Jared was, he was still reassuring Jensen that things would be okay. The supportive gesture made Jensen feel all that much worse knowing what he’d done. He didn’t deserve this. He went to say as much, but Jared stopped him by pressing a finger to his lips.

“No, Jen. I know what you’re thinking. You might be a pain in the ass on occasion, sometimes more than others,” Jared grinned, “but you do _deserve_ it; you’re a good person. It’s just gonna take some time for things to get back to normal around here. They will though.”

Jensen’s lip twitched some as Jared tried to lighten the mood, but the smile never formed. Jared frowned at him. Clearly, he could see that Jensen was still worried.

“C’mon, babe. I just need time; we both do. You and me, we obviously have some issues that need to be worked on, otherwise we wouldn’t have jumped to the conclusions that we did. And if we need to get some outside help, then we will. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get this marriage back on track.”

“You know, Chris was right about you.”

Jared lifted an eyebrow. Jensen knew the two men weren’t exactly best of pals, so Jared was probably surprised that Jensen would agree to anything the man had to say about him.

“He said that you wouldn’t give up that easily, even after you signed them, the papers. I…I didn’t believe him, not after what I did, especially after yesterday.” Jensen pulled his hand out of Jared’s grip then. “How can you…? That was… Jay, I-”

“Enough. Jen…no. If I didn’t want it, you wouldn’t have gotten near me, let alone fucked me. What really hurt me was that you locked me out after and wouldn’t let me in. Just…it’s in the past, okay? It’s over and done with.”

Jensen swallowed. He looked back down and nodded once more. “O-okay.”

“And, uh, speaking of Chris… How pissed is he at me? Should I expect to spend some time in the hospital? He probably wants to kick my ass after what happened last night.”

“He’ll get over it,” Jensen said quietly. “He’s been, um, siding with you the whole time. So has Misha.”

“Really?”

Jensen nodded with a sheepish smile. “Yeah. You’re not the only one who’s called me an idiot. They both said it, too…Misha, maybe in not so many words, but Chris was always pretty blunt and to the point.”

“Huh. Maybe I should send them fruit baskets or something.” That caused Jensen’s tiny smile to become a chuckle and Jared joined in, but Jared soon grew serious again. “That reminds me, I’m going to be having a little conversation with Jeff come Monday. I know he’s stuck between family, friends, and business, but he should have said something if he knew what was going on. I don’t care what his reasons were. We’re supposed to be friends. If he had said something in the beginning, this would’ve never gotten to where it is now. He's already talked to…"—Jensen knew Jared was holding back from saying Matt's name—"but I'll see what else I can do; things just can’t keep goin’ the way they are. I should have some pull now that I'm partner.”

Jensen nodded again without saying anything. He was glad to hear that Jared wasn’t going to just let that situation go by the wayside. Jensen knew Jeff was trying to keep things balanced in his own way, but he hadn’t done anyone any favors by doing what he did…or didn’t do.

“So, where do we go from here?” Jensen asked timidly.

“Where do we go? I think we move forward…one step at a time.”

Jensen smiled. He could handle that. “Okay.” He knew what Jared had said was true. It was going to take time to heal from what he’d done. They weren’t going to be able to just put a Band-Aid over this and move on like it never happened. There was going to be time needed for healing. But this was a start at least.

Jared slid across the bed then. He gently cupped Jensen under the jaw and pulled him forward. They bumped foreheads and he stared into Jensen’s eyes. Jensen thought he could see a hint of forgiveness there even if Jared wouldn’t voice it right now. Then Jared pressed his lips to Jensen’s and he felt a warmth spread through his body; it was nothing more than a chaste kiss, but to Jensen, it meant so much more. _Jared still loved him._

All too quickly, Jared pulled away. But when Jensen blinked his eyes open, he saw a twinkle in his husband’s hazels.

“Now,” Jared said as he began to slowly lift Jensen’s t-shirt up, leaning down to lave at the newly exposed flesh as he did—Jensen felt goose bumps rising all over his skin and he couldn’t suppress a groan of desire, “enough talk.” Jared brought the thin material up and over Jensen’s head, tossing it aside to the floor. He looked Jensen directly in the eye when he was done. “Jen, I want you to make love to me.” He reached down and palmed Jensen’s cock which was growing harder by the moment. “It’s been too long since we’ve done this the right way.” Jared leaned in and pressed his lips to Jensen’s once more. This time, he dipped his tongue into Jensen’s mouth demanding more and Jensen was more than willing to give it to him as he lay back and brought Jared with him.

Jensen jumped when Jared’s hand slid between them and slipped under the elastic of his briefs while their tongues collided and tangled together in a fiery passion. But instead of letting out a contented sigh, Jensen instantly went still. _The last time they had had sex…_

Jared stopped what he was doing immediately and looked down at Jensen. “Jen?” His brow wrinkled into a frown briefly before he figured it out. “No, don’t. I already told you, it’s in the past. I’m okay with this; I want this… _you_.” When Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's mouth again, Jensen barely kept a sob from escaping his lips. It was almost too much.

Jared moved his mouth along Jensen’s jawline and then began to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses behind. “I’ve missed you, Jen,” he whispered as he nibbled along the sensitive skin, soothing the flesh as he went with a flick of his tongue. He pulled his hand away from Jensen’s straining cock and began to tug the briefs down while he worked his way down to Jensen’s chest, suckling at each of his nipples as he reached them until they peaked. Jensen pressed his teeth into his lower lip, overwhelmed with too many sensations.

When Jared reached Jensen’s navel, he stopped, causing Jensen to lift his head from the pillow and look down at him. Jared had one of those smirks on his face. “Everything okay?” Jensen asked somewhat breathlessly having been caught up in the moment and all of Jared’s meandering touches.

“I just want to make something clear so there are no further misunderstandings…,” Jared dipped his tongue into Jensen’s navel, still grinning, “yours is the _only_ navel I will ever want to drink Dom Perignon out of. And don’t you dare correct me on my English.”

“Wouldn’t…wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good.” And then Jared proceeded across Jensen’s abdomen—Jensen couldn’t control the small twitches his muscles made under the caress of Jared’s tongue as he moved along—and licked a hot stripe across Jensen’s hipbone while he reached over with his left hand and began to stroke Jensen’s now weeping shaft again. Jensen moaned. But then he growled when Jared shifted and looked up at him for a second time. “Oh, and Jen?”

“Huh? What?” he whined. _God, did he just whine?_

“You owe me a new briefcase.”

Before Jensen could reply, Jared leaned down and sucked his aching flesh into the wet heat of his mouth, right down to the root. “Ah, holy…shit, J-Jay!”

The vibrations from Jared’s chuckle did something to Jensen then, causing him to gasp. “Jay, I…I appreciate what you’re doing, but… _oh, god_ …I ain’t gonna last if you… _fuck_ …keep doing that… _shit!_ ”

Jared pulled off with a smack of his lips and a kiss to the head of Jensen’s cock. He smiled, the sweetest dimples carving into his cheeks.

It was _that_ smile.

Jensen’s eyes darkened with lust. He reached down and gripped Jared by the shoulders and pulled him back up the bed, rolling them at the last second.

He pecked Jared on the lips. “You know, I’ve missed you, too.”

It didn’t take long for the two men to become entangled in one another’s long limbs. Not noticing how close to the edge of the bed they were, they tumbled onto the floor, both cursing lightly as Jensen landed heavily on top of Jared. But Jensen just smiled as he leaned in and gave Jared another thorough kiss. He reached down and fumbled with the fastenings on Jared’s slacks. It was only a matter of seconds before he was able to get them undone and, with a little help on Jared’s part, they got Jared’s pants and briefs off.

“I love you,” whispered Jensen in between breaths as he pushed Jared’s shirt aside and nipped along his husband's collarbone.

“I love you, too, Jen. — Now, how about you get to work and show me what you’ve got.” He grinned as he thrust his hips up forcing another groan from Jensen. “I hear make-up sex is really, really hot. Oh, and headaches… It’s supposed to be good for headaches, too.” Jared pressed his lips to Jensen’s once more and sucked the man’s tongue into his mouth.

Jensen reluctantly pushed up away from Jared with a low growl—he was breathing heavily and Jared wasn’t much better. If they kept up with things at this rate, he was going to come all too soon. He was straddling Jared and rocked into his husband, moaning when his heated flesh found the other man’s swollen length. “Let’s see if there’s any truth to either of those rumors. — But you’re gonna have to hang tight for two seconds.” With another quick brush of his lips over Jared's, he peeled himself away from the younger man. They needed lube if they were going to do this.

A moment later, he returned from the bathroom with a bottle of lotion. By then, Jared had removed his shirt completely and had climbed back up onto the bed. His legs were spread wantonly and Jensen wasn’t shy about taking in the full view. Once again, he thought about how much Jared resembled a Greek god. And his cock seemed to agree when he felt it swell just a little bit more between his legs.

“No lube, but I found some lotion,” Jensen said as he knelt down in between his husband’s long legs and then slicked up his fingers with the cream.

He teased at the furl of tight muscle briefly before pushing two fingers in; he knew Jared could take it. There would be a time later when they could take this slow, but with the noises his husband was making below him, Jensen didn’t think either of them wanted to wait very long.

“Mmm… Jen…don’t take too long. I don’t wanna wait.” Jared moaned as he thrust down onto Jensen’s fingers. Jensen tucked a third in beside the first two and watched Jared’s face as he did. The man was gorgeous, lips red and swollen from their kisses, eyes lust-blown. He worked the digits slowly in and out, savoring the clench of muscle surrounding them. Jensen bit his bottom lip, holding back a groan of anticipation. Yeah, he’d definitely missed this.

When Jensen felt that Jared was relaxed enough, he swiftly pulled his fingers free and shifted onto his knees. He squeezed some more lotion into his hand and took a second to spread it over his cock. When he was ready, he lined himself up with Jared’s prepped entrance and slid easily into the tight heat, letting out a satisfied moan as he did. Jared arched up to meet him with a contented sigh, eyes closed and a pleasured expression on his face. As Jensen rolled his hips back and thrust forward again, he leaned down and licked into the depths of Jared’s mouth once more, reclaiming that which he’d thought he’d lost forever.

 

Jensen was a creative man by nature. He never would have become the successful writer he was otherwise. Sometimes his imagination could be a good thing; sometimes…not so much. Thankfully, he had Jared by his side, a man who was more patient than most and not one who easily gave up on something he believed in; he’d more than proven that over the last few days. Jensen wasn’t quite sure he deserved it, but apparently Jared thought differently. And who was he to argue with someone like that?

  ** _The End_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to give a HUMONGOUS thank you to [RiatheMai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RiatheMai/pseuds/RiatheMai) for saving my a$$ on this chapter. (She actually wrote a small portion of it as a suggestion, but I liked it so much that I just weaved it into what I already had...with her permission, of course.) The woman is a mad genius even though she'll never admit it! She just has a way of putting my chaotic mess of thoughts into some semblance of order; this isn't the first time she's rescued me.
> 
> And last, but not least, I'd like to thank [TxDorA](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TxDorA/pseuds/TxDorA). It was the first time we really worked together on a fic as beta and writer. I think we did okay. We're still alive anyway. LOL!
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. - I'd love to give someone credit for the pic in this chapter, but I honestly don't know where I got it. If someone knows where it might be from, I'll be happy to make a note.

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to leave comments, good or bad. I love hearing from my readers.
> 
> If you don't feel like leaving a comment, but liked the story just a little bit, click on the Kudos button so I know you were here.
> 
> Hope to see you again soon!!
> 
> **NEW** I've added my e-mail to my profile. If anyone should like to contact me for anything, please feel free to drop me a line :)


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